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Hi, my name is Rebecca from engvid.com. In today's lesson,
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you'll learn how to function effectively in a cross-cultural environment in North America, in Britain, and so on,
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and what you should not do. This is actually one of two videos that I've recorded.
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The other one is on good manners, and this one is about bad manners.
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This one is about what you should not do when you're in North America or in England. Okay?
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So, I've divided it between what you should not say and what you should not do. Let's have a look.
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So in terms of speaking, when you're speaking in a group or in a public place, try not to speak in a very loud voice.
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Don't speak too loudly, keep your volume relative to other people's volume. All right?
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Listen. Now again, everything that I'm going to say to you here remember always take it with a pinch of salt.
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What does this expression mean? Understand that it's not 100% like that, but generally speaking it's like that. Okay?
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Next one, in a public situation such as a party, try to avoid controversial subjects.
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What does that mean? A controversial subject is something where people have strong views such as religion or politics.
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We try to avoid these subjects, for example: at a social occasion, at a wedding,
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or a party because if you get into a discussion with someone on these subjects,
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it can become a little bit aggressive, it can become a little bit angry,
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and perhaps that's not very kind to your host or hostess that are planning a pleasant kind of event.
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So remember to keep that in mind. Of course, with your own friends or people you know well
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or people you see often, you do share your views on these subjects and that may be perfectly okay.
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All right? Next, we also avoid speaking about money.
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I know that money is, of course, a great interest to everyone,
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but we usually do not ask people that we don't know well or acquaintances or people we've just met,
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we don't ask them questions like, "How much do you make? How much do you earn?
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How much did you pay for your house or your car?" or something else. We don't ask that because it's not polite.
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Okay? Of course, again, with people you know well, you may share that information.
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And if somebody decides to share that with you, that's fine, but you try to avoid asking it.
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Next is not to ask personal questions. What do I mean by personal questions?
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You don't usually ask people how old they are, or how much do they weigh, or something like that,
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or how many, If they're married or if they have kids. Now again, if you're a married person
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and you have children and you meet another married person and it's clear that he or she has children,
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it's perfectly fine to talk about how old your children are because it's obvious that you all have children.
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So I don't mean to never ask them, but if you meet just one person you don't want to start asking them,
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"Oh, why don't you have children?"
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or something like that because that's giving advice very early when you barely know somebody
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and people don't like that kind of advice usually.
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Next is avoid talking about yourself because that can sometimes seem like you're boasting.
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Now of course, that doesn't mean not to give information about yourself, but not to talk too much about yourself.
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When you talk too much about yourself then people feel that you're, you just care about yourself.
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Instead of that, show, tell a little bit about yourself,
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and then turn the conversation and turn the focus and the attention onto the other person;
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ask them about themselves. Okay, the next point is not to interrupt people.
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In many different cultures there's many different rules about this,
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but in North America generally when one person is speaking, we try to wait until they finish speaking
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and then we say what we want to say. Try not to interrupt while other people are speaking.
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Last point here is about speaking when your mouth is full. Don't do it. In other words,
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don't eat and talk at the same time. Eat, if you're at a dinner, eat, finish eating, and then speak.
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Nobody likes to see all that food inside your mouth
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and neither can we understand you very clearly when you have something in your mouth, so avoid that.
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Next, let's look at some things which you should not do. Don't stare at people.
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Don't stare at women. Also. I know that when I had some students from other countries,
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they said to me that when they came to Canada, they didn't understand when men were interested in them
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because in their country, men normally looked at them when they walked down the street,
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and here men don't usually do that. They look, but they don't look... show that they're looking.
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So the women, the woman said to me: "I don't know when anybody likes me because nobody's looking at me."
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So I explained to her that, because she was a very attractive girl,
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that I'm sure a lot of people like you and like the way you look, but they're not going to show it.
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So in a North American environment, usually we don't try to stare at strangers.
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Okay? So keep that in mind. Next point is when you meet someone for the first time,
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it is not the custom to kiss. All right? Even the polite kiss on the cheek, we don't do that.
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In some countries, it is perfectly acceptable and in fact that's part of their custom,
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but in North American, in North America- no. Just shake hands and that's enough.
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Later, when the relationship becomes friendlier, warmer then sometimes we do give each other a little kiss on the cheek
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but be a little...., better to be careful about that rather than to do it too soon.
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Okay? Next is to avoid touching people too much when you're talking to them,
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or don't touch them at all; if there's a stranger, try to avoid touching them.
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Again, it's a general rule. Sometimes men when they meet, they will slap each other on the back
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or something like that. But on the whole, if you're not certain, it's better not to do that
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and just a shaking of hands or something like that is enough. Also, if you bump into someone,
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try..., when you're walking down the street, try to avoid bumping into people,
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it's not expected and if it happens, apologize.
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Next, avoid any kind of what could be considered sort of uncultured behavior,
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which would mean things like spitting in a public place, or scratching your head,
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or scratching yourself in some private place, or burping, or farting, or anything like that.
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Avoid all of those things. That is not considered polite at all. Next is when you're walking, even when you're walking down a street,
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if you see two people coming, and them seem, it's clear they're talking to each other,
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try to avoid walking right between them, walk around them.
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If you have to walk through two people who are speaking to each other or who are clearly together
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then make sure you say, "excuse me," "I'm sorry," something like that as you pass.
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But otherwise, avoid that; find a way around them. Next, don't be impatient in your speech or in your body language.
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When someone is talking to you, don't go: "Yes, uh huh, uh huh, right, yes, yes. And then?"
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So when you do things like that, people understand that you're trying to rush them,
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you're trying to hurry them like you're boring them, like you already can read their mind
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and you know what they want to say, so don't do that. Wait patiently, listen.
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Sometimes we do these things with people we live with and this probably not very nice there either,
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but it may be okay at home to do that. It's not really okay to do that with others.
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The next thing is going to be tricky and you're going to ask me,
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"Like what are you talking about? There are so many cologne and perfume companies."
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But I have written here in an office situation, in a business environment, don't wear cologne or perfume.
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Yes, I am saying that. Why? Because in many office environments in North America today,
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they are considered sort of fragrance-free zones. Because of the fact that many people have allergies,
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they are, it is recommended that people don't use cologne.
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If you have to use cologne, use very, very little or just have, just be clean,
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but don't use cologne or perfume. Certainly don't drench yourself in that; don't use too much.
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Now, if you go to a party, again, yes you can use cologne or perfume, but don't use too much;
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don't overpower people because somebody who might be sensitive to smell will actually not like that at all,
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which is not your intention. Okay?
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And the last one which is part of that is about body odor. Don't smell bad. Now, you might wonder,
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"Well, that's why I use the cologne." No, you don't want to use the cologne to hide your body odor, no.
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What you want to do is you want to be clean. That means your mouth should be fresh,
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brush your teeth, use breath freshener if you need to,
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especially if you've just eaten food with a lot of spices in it. Also make sure you use deodorant.
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We are not accustomed to the smell of sweat here, so use deodorant or antiperspirant so that you don't smell.
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Also make sure you take a shower regularly. And make sure your clothes don't smell of wherever you've been
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because clothes can hold on to the smell of food,
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or tobacco, or marijuana, or alcohol, and all kinds of things.
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So make sure that your clothes are clean and that they don't smell of something,
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particularly if you're going to an interview or something like that or if you're going to a party as well. Okay?
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So I believe that if you do these 15 things, or rather if you don't do these 15 things,
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you will be very effective in a North American culture. Thank you very much for watching.
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If you'd like to subscribe to my channel on YouTube, please do that. And if you'd like to do a quiz on this subject,
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please go to our website: www.engvid.com. Thank you very much.