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  • Hey guys how's it going? Hisashiburi desu, Mikaera desu.

  • Long time no see, it's me I'm Micaela I'm Micaela. It's, it's my name.

  • And I am here with my bi-annual video update! I made the decision to not be online while

  • I was kind of figuring out my life and dating because I think it's really

  • really weird to be accessible on the internet when you're trying to meet

  • people for the first time in real life I really just wanted to meet people as I

  • was and not know that they could just go home and like see the latest upload to

  • see what I was thinking or feeling or what I was going through.

  • Making these videos back when nobody was watching them it felt like a

  • safe place to be very public and like open about my feelings but now I have to

  • be very careful because you really don't know who's watching and you don't know

  • who's watching with intentions that are not good. So, I don't know if that

  • makes sense but I really just wanted to like the privacy to work through a new

  • start and sort of find my own identity outside of "Oh that's Micaela, she

  • makes some videos on the internet", and like stuff like that. So, yeah, that's what

  • I've been doing and, oh my god, dating is a trip. I hate it.

  • Would not recommend it. Don't date, dating sucks. Don't go on tinder.

  • Bumble sucks, it's awful, it's awful. I've been there and I have horror stories one of

  • them which I want to share with you today just because I think it's really

  • interesting as a non-japanese person who has lived in Japan for a long time, and I

  • think you guys might find this story interesting as well?

  • There was this guy and he started working at a restaurant that I went to a

  • lot with my friends and he was hafu (he was half Japanese half American) and I

  • thought oh man this guy's really cute and he's bilingual and -- this is me

  • projecting, I assumed that we would have a lot in common.

  • (As two people who don't physically look Japanese but who could speak both

  • languages) and so I was really interested in getting to know this guy better he

  • had just moved to the city and he had never really done any exploring in

  • Fukuoka City so I offered to drive him to Itoshima because I wanted to be

  • a helpful tour guide and I was feeling really good about this plan I was like,

  • "Awesome! This is something that I know really well! I know Fukuoka! I know tourism

  • really well, and I love food, I like driving, like -- I can do this! I'm gonna

  • pull off the best date ever! And I was so excited the morning of, it was

  • beautifu,l it was sunny, it was gonna be a perfect day driving around the beach.

  • I go to pick him up and we are driving out to Itoshima, we got to the restaurant,

  • and everything just like tumbled from there. What happened was -- he is a half

  • American, half-Japanese person who came from Tokyo where, culturally, I am

  • assuming, there are a lot more mixed ethnicity people, and he was down in

  • Kyushu, out of the city. And me living here, I DO know what to expect, I walked

  • into this restaurant and they greeted us kind of with a fear-stricken face

  • because they don't speak English and they fumbled around a bit and then

  • handed us an English menu and basically just gestured for a seat and told us

  • they like go sit down and this is something that I'm used to now. It's been

  • years, I'm so used to it, I know that that's how it is. I know it's not their

  • fault I know that showing up in the countryside somewhere, until I say

  • something in Japanese, they're going to be afraid that I'm not gonna understand

  • anything, and that's just how it is. Especially when you look like me.

  • So for me this kind of experience happens wherever I go, and I'm used to it,

  • and I know now that if I kind of wander off the beaten path and I pop into a

  • restaurant they're gonna look at me because they're not sure what language

  • to speak to me and until say something in Japanese. That

  • happens, and that's fine. But I think when you're hafu, when

  • you're mixed ethnicity in Japan it can go either way. So if you hang out with a

  • lot of Japanese people you will be assumed "Japanese," but if you are seen

  • with someone white as the f*cking moon,

  • they're going to assume that you don't speak Japanese. That like, ruined our

  • whole day basically. He was upset at how he was treated at the restaurant, he didn't

  • like that we were handed an English menu, in spite of the fact that we both

  • speak Japanese, he didn't like that the chairs were too short because he has

  • long legs, he did not like that the staff were staring at us, and it kind of made

  • me feel bad. Because I know that for him, if he were surrounded with Japanese

  • people or if he was on a date with a Japanese woman he wouldn't have been

  • treated the way that he was treated being seen with me. I know that me being

  • next to him was kind of the thing that switched their brains to - "oh no -

  • foreigners! What do we do?" and I felt like really insecure in

  • that moment, and I felt really bad because I was SO excited to take

  • this guy out and show him a good time, but basically from that restaurant and

  • that initial greeting and the way that we were like kind of just thrown into

  • the restaurant and treated kind of like something that they were afraid of,

  • it really put him in a bad mood. And I was like "oh no, oh no" and so I said "okay,

  • well I'm sorry, let's just eat and get out of here real quick."

  • I took him to this pudding place which I really like, I've been a

  • few times, I really like it, but we got there and we got pudding, we walked

  • arounda and he was like "I don't know this place is weird I don't like it."

  • a

  • Anyway he didn't like the pudding place, and so I said "Alright, well let's find

  • somewhere else to go! If you don't like it, we can hop in the car and go

  • "somewhere else!!" and he goes "can you STOP trying to drag me place to place?"

  • "Just because I don't like somewhere, doesn't mean we have to leave!" I was like

  • I'm I'm just trying to show you a good time I'm just trying to be a

  • good host, and get through this day unscathed, and he was like, "you care too

  • much about what people think". which is probably true. A lot of it was

  • probably true. I think I was trying really hard to just like be good and

  • have fun and like have a good day? Maybe I'm too sensitive but at that point

  • I actually started crying and I was like "I just wanna go home, holy shit."

  • After that date, I did a lot of thinking. I deleted tinder, I deleted bumble, I was

  • like, " I'm not -- I'm not even gonna get out there." and started reading this book!

  • I'm really glad I read the book and it helped identify a lot of things

  • that I need to work on and I still feel like I need to work on, but it also

  • opened me up to new possibilities, because I never realized that having

  • a relationship isn't *supposed *to be emotionally draining all the time?

  • I thought like getting over "that emotional drainage" was what love

  • was, it was like "pushing through all the sad and pushing through all the

  • frustration" BUT a healthy relationship, apparently -- it's not supposed to feel

  • that way! So if you're like me, maybe you need to hear that? Yeah, it was really a

  • good time to reflect on my behaviors and how my behaviors kind of influenced the

  • outcome of my bad decisions. So I've been trying to make better decisions.

  • I've been trying to be healthy, yeah, recently I have been dating someone

  • who is actually very secure, very secure, and very calm -- never gets angry

  • never raises their voice, very gentle and loving and sweet, and he's a

  • very good person. So I'm hoping it goes well. I'm not gonna talk too much about

  • it right now, but we have fun, and everything is really nice, and I hope

  • that it's this nice for a very long time. Hi Lon! (Meows)

  • Anyway so that's where we are now.

  • Yeah, I don't know -- Hello! Look who came to visit!

  • Now, um, it's hard to know

  • what the future is gonna look like. I know that I'm here this year my visa is

  • until 2021, and um ... both pets are here.

  • So as far as this year, I know

  • that I'm definitely staying in Japan, I don't know what I'm gonna do

  • past 2021, that's when my visa expires, and I could apply for PR or I could

  • apply to just extend my visa another three years, but I'm not sure what I'm

  • going to do right now. Just because I feel like, things changed so quickly

  • lately, and it hasn't actually reached a point where I feel comfortable like "Okay

  • maybe things are gonna stay like this for a while." Everything is always

  • changing so who knows how I'm gonna feel in a year and a half? But for the time

  • being I'm definitely here this year, and I'm looking forward to doing all the

  • things that I want to do while I'm here. I hope that this is the year that my

  • parents finally come to visit! I hope that this is the year that I finally go

  • to Hokkaido for the first time! I hope that this is the year that I get to do

  • all the things that I want to do! And I'm gonna work really hard to make it happen.

  • For the next month, at least, I know I have a few travel videos lined up, and I

  • will try to keep you posted on little life update things as well in between. If

  • there's anything that you want to know, let me know in the comments! If you have

  • any terrible dating stories, you can leave those in the comments - it might

  • be extremely cathartic for those of us who have also been through some tough times.

  • Alright guys, thanks for listening. Talk to you again soon. Bye!

  • yeah

  • you

Hey guys how's it going? Hisashiburi desu, Mikaera desu.

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A2 US japanese restaurant dating micaela kind treated

NO MORE DATING IN JAPAN - A Life Update Vlog

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    Mayu Okuuchi posted on 2020/02/19
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