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  • How does a child develop a pattern of bullying others,

  • of using their power aggressively, to control and distress others?

  • Well, it can come from many, many different sources.

  • The child can be genetically pre-disposed to that.

  • There are some genes that we know lead to aggressive behaviour,

  • but those genes don't express themselves if the child is raised

  • in a nurturing and caring environment.

  • The child can learn by observation, so the things that happen at home

  • really make a difference. And the child can learn in the peer group

  • because, often, other children stand around and give encouragement to

  • those who bully. So, what about the home?

  • I think this is the hardest thing for each of us to think about.

  • As parents, we have a huge role in shaping a child's development.

  • And that means we have to think, every moment of every day, about

  • what it is that we're doing, and what it is that we're teaching by our behaviour.

  • Now, I'd love to tell you that I never bullied my three children.

  • And that just wouldn't be true.

  • I got home, after a really hard day at work, and they were screaming

  • and hungry, especially when they were little, and sometimes I'd lose

  • my temper, and I'd yell at them. I didn't mean to, but I did it, and

  • then I would look at their faces and see how frightened they were.

  • They were very frightened because I'd used my power

  • aggressively to control them, and it distressed them. So, what I had

  • to do was I had to repair, and that's probably one of the most important

  • things we can do as parents, is tell children you're sorry, tell children you

  • made a mistake, and that it's not good to use power aggressively

  • or to use aggression to solve a problem.

  • For children, it's as if we're on the stage and they're in the audience

  • all the time. They watch what we do, they watch how we speak,

  • they watch how we interact with other adults and with them, and

  • that's part of the biggest learning in their lives.

  • So, we have to be aware of what we're doing and how we're doing it,

  • because if we're not, if we're using power aggressively, if we're fighting,

  • if we're yelling, that's just what children are going to learn.

How does a child develop a pattern of bullying others,

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B1 US aggressively child frightened bully power behaviour

What makes a bully?

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    doris.lai posted on 2020/01/13
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