Hey man.

Oh, "thanks for the beer".

Wow, that was really rude.

-What do you mean? - "Thanks for the beer Alan".

Rowan do you know what air quotes mean?

Yes.

Okay, what do they mean?

They mean "genuine emphasis".

Nope, have you been using air quotes wrong your entire life Rowan?

No, I've been using them correctly my entire life to "genuinely emphasize things".

Rowan, air quotes are sarcastic irony. They kind of mean the exact opposite of what you think they mean.

What?

Seriously?

Why? Rowan what have you done?

Oh.

Alright, love I'm gonna head off to the work thing now. I'll see you a bit later.

What? I thought we were doing date night tonight.

What?

No, I told you about this ages ago.

Yeah, but you made it seem like you weren't going anymore.

Ah no, I told you that I was "really excited" about the work thing and that I was "definitely going".

Yeah...

Okay, well... what time are you coming home?

Definitely "before midnight".

So your just... your going out to get pissed?

No, I'm not. I'm probably only going to have "a few quiet ones".

Okay, whatever, how are you getting home then?

Zoe's gonna drop me off.

Zoe from the Wellington conference?

Yes, Zoe from the Wellington conference. But like I told you we're "just friends".

Are you serious?!

Yes, I'm serious.

What? Are you sleeping with her?

No, I'm not "sleeping with her".

So you are f***ing her then?!

Are you not listening to what I'm saying? Listen to me!

I never "f**ked her".

Baby, listen to me I "love you" and I want to spend "the rest of my life" with "you".

Am I just a f***ing joke to you?!

No, I take our relationship "very seriously".

Oh my god, how long have you been f***ing Zoe behind my back?

Are you not listening to what I'm saying?

We are "just friends" and I never "f**ked her".

You are unbelievable. I am... you know what I'm leaving.

Where are you going?!

I'm going to Brad's house to "not f**k him".

Gods... exactly... what?

Ooooh...

Oh noooo...

OH! F*** I gotta go.

Where are you going Rowan?

To Brad's house!

Hey guys "thanks for watching" "please subscribe".

No, genuinely pleased do subscribe.

Yeah please.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying "please subscribe" we'd "really appreciate it".

We genuinely would appreciate it I don't know why you're saying it like this.

Actually if you guys could subscribe that would be great.

Yeah "please subscribe" you guys what's wrong?

It's the way you're saying it Rowan.

You're pissing me off.