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  • - HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU. - HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.

  • - DO YOU HAVE ANY PLANS?

  • THIS IS YOUR FIRST VALENTINE'S DAY MARRIED.

  • - IT IS, BUT YOU KNOW, WE'RE ACTUALLY NOT GONNA BE TOGETHER

  • THIS VALENTINE'S, WHICH IS-- IT'S ACTUALLY--IT'S OKAY,

  • BECAUSE HER BIRTHDAY IS A WEEK BEFORE VALENTINE'S,

  • AND I WENT PRETTY HARD ON THE BIRTHDAY.

  • - OHH.

  • - SO I KIND OF NEED THIS WEEKEND TO PLAN A LITTLE BIT MORE,

  • SO IT'S KIND OF ALL RIGHT.

  • SO WE'RE GONNA CELEBRATE IT ON MONDAY.

  • - OKAY, SO--BUT THAT'S A SHAME YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE TOGETHER.

  • I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT. - HEY, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

  • - IT'S OKAY, THOUGH, RIGHT?

  • MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHAT DID YOU GET ME?

  • - UM, A DANCE.

  • - WELL, AND YOU KNOW THAT MAKES ME HAPPY WHENEVER--

  • HOW GREAT IS HE?

  • [cheers and applause]

  • YOU MAKE ME SO HAPPY.

  • I GOT YOU SOMETHING VERY EXPENSIVE.

  • I GOT YOU A GREETING CARD.

  • - OOH.

  • - THEY'RE EXPENSIVE NOW.

  • HAVE YOU SEEN HOW MUCH GREETING CARDS ARE?

  • IT'S CRAZY! I BROUGHT A FEW TO SHOW YOU.

  • THESE ARE SPECIFICALLY FOR VALENTINE'S DAY.

  • LOOK AT THIS ONE.

  • THIS IS $9, THIS CARD RIGHT HERE.

  • AND IT SAYS, "TO MY HUBBY, WANNA SPOON?"

  • [laughter]

  • THEY'RE TRYING TO BE CLEVER.

  • THE SPOONS AREN'T EVEN SPOONING.

  • THEY'RE IN SEPARATE BEDS.

  • THEY'RE NOT EVEN ROMANTIC ANYMORE.

  • THE SPOONS ARE SLEEPING.

  • AFTER YOU'RE DONE WITH THE CARD,

  • YOU CAN USE THEM FOR FEEDING BABIES,

  • OR, IF YOU DON'T HAVE BABIES, LIKE, LITTLE BABY RACCOONS

  • OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

  • OR, RACCOONS ARE SO SMART,

  • AND THEY HAVE LITTLE HANDS, THEY'LL FEEL THEMSELVES.

  • YOU JUST GIVE THEM A SPOON.

  • I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE A RACCOON.

  • [laughter]

  • HERE'S ONE.

  • THIS IS A VALENTINE'S DAY CARD, AND IT WAS $10.

  • AND IT'S A BARN FILLED WITH FARM ANIMALS HANGING,

  • BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS LOVE LIKE...

  • LIVESTOCK.

  • [laughter]

  • IT'S LIKE OLD MACDONALD'S DREAM CATCHER.

  • YOU CAN HANG IT IN YOUR CAR.

  • FINALLY, HERE'S ONE. THIS WAS $9 AS WELL.

  • AND IT SAYS, "WE'VE GOT AMAZING CHEMISTRY,"

  • AND IT HAS A PICTURE OF A-- IT'S GOT TEST TUBES AND BEAKERS.

  • IT'S A SWEET-- I'VE SEEN "BREAKING BAD."

  • I KNOW WHAT A METH LAB LOOKS LIKE WHEN I SEE ONE.

  • [cheers and applause]

  • YOU GET BOTH OF THESE CARDS,

  • YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY TO A METH LAB RIGHT THERE.

  • YOU'VE GOT...

  • FOR $18, YOU'RE-- IT'S A STARTER KIT.

- HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU. - HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.

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B1 INT US TheEllenShow valentine valentine day card happy valentine greeting

Crazy Valentine Cards

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    Taka posted on 2020/01/13
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