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  • -I've been watching your show. This season, it's fantastic.

  • I've been noticing that you've been getting a lot

  • of the presidential candidates on your show.

  • -Yeah. I mean, well, there's 23 people

  • running to be president. -That's true.

  • [ Laughter ] -It's like they're going

  • to trickle in on your show at some point.

  • There's a guy named Tom Steyer running for president.

  • -Sure. [ Laughter ]

  • -Does anyone know who Tom Steyer is?

  • He's not your high school guidance counselor.

  • This is, like, a -- -That's not Tom Steyer.

  • -He's a billionaire and yet no one knows who he is.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • That kind of defeats the purpose of being a billionaire.

  • [ Laughter ] He really messed it up.

  • You could have just bought your way for us to know that,

  • but I guess not. -Yeah.

  • -You know, Bernie is going to be on the show this week.

  • -Oh, that's good too.

  • -And we filmed with him the same day.

  • We shot with him last week

  • and he was on the show with you last week.

  • -Yeah, he came on our show. -Yeah, and he sat down and he's

  • like, "Hasan, I got to go," and I was like, "Why?"

  • And he's like, "I got to go play basketball with Jimmy Fallon."

  • And I'm like, "You sure, Bernie?

  • You're going to play basketball with --"

  • "Yeah, I'm going to go shoot hoops,"

  • and I'm like, "Are you?" and he did.

  • -Yeah, yeah, yeah. [ Laughter ]

  • -I just thought grandpa was just talking about --

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -After seeing everybody here, do you have an endorsement?

  • Are you endorsing anyone for president?

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Are you going to put me on the spot like that, Jimmy?

  • -I'm not putting you on the spot like that.

  • Yeah, I mean, why not?

  • I already wished you merry Christmas.

  • I mean -- [ Laughter ]

  • -A "Tonight Show" exclusive.

  • Let's do it. You guys ready?

  • -Drumroll. [ Drumroll ]

  • -In the 2020 election, I, Hasan Minhaj,

  • endorse...Kamala Harris!

  • Let's go! Let's go!

  • Let's go. [ Trombone note plays ]

  • -No, no, I'm sorry. -For the people.

  • -No, no, Hasan.

  • No, she dropped out of the race. She dropped out.

  • She's not running. -Dude.

  • [ Laughter ] We're a weekly show.

  • We're not daily. I haven't caught up yet.

  • [ Laughter ] -No, I'm sorry to tell you this.

  • -Are you serious? -I'm sorry to tell you this.

  • -Dude, Jimmy, she had the whole package.

  • -Well, yeah. What?

  • -Her father is Jamaican. Her mother is Indian.

  • She managed to do the one thing

  • every Indian dude wishes they could do.

  • Be black.

  • [ Laughter ] She did it.

  • She nailed it. -Yeah.

  • No, she dropped out.

  • [ Laughter ] -Oh, my God. You guys.

  • -Yeah, sorry, Hasan. Oh, my gosh.

  • You're getting yourself in so much trouble on camera.

  • -I got so much swag and everything.

  • -You got swag.

  • Well, you had Andrew Yang on your show.

  • -He's not black. You know that.

  • [ Laughter ] -No, no, but what I'm saying --

  • No, he's Asian.

  • -Yeah, but we went to Chinatown last week for the show

  • and we just wanted to see how young millennial voters,

  • you know, interacted with Andrew Yang.

  • -Alright. We have a clip.

  • Everyone take a look at this clip here.

  • Hasan Minhaj and Andrew Yang.

  • -Do you know who he is? -No.

  • -That's fine, but do you know who this is?

  • -Yeah, I know who that is. [ Laughter ]

  • -Would you be interested in the nation's

  • first Asian-American president?

  • -Hell yeah. Hell yeah. I'm Asian, right?

  • -So, you would vote for that person for sure?

  • -Yeah.

  • -Like, no doubt? -Yes.

  • -Well, you're looking at him. This is --

  • -Really? -You're kidding?

  • -He's been doing literally every interview

  • and press highlight he possibly could.

  • [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -He's a good sport. -He's a good sport.

  • -Andrew's a good sport. -You know what I like about him?

  • This is what I love about Andrew Yang, right?

  • Every politician is coming in,

  • and they're talking about confusing concepts

  • and we all think that we know them,

  • like "Oh, yeah, tax reform, Syria, tariffs,"

  • and he's like, "Who wants a thousand dollars?"

  • [ Laughter ] -Yeah, that's his thing.

  • -Yeah, man. -Who wants a thousand dollars?

  • -You want a thousand dollars a month,

  • just take this liberty bribe.

  • Universal basic income is basically

  • just allowance for adults and he just cut right through.

  • -Yeah.

  • But what would you do if you were running for president?

  • How would you simplify it?

  • -Dude, I got it right here, man.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Alright. Look, here's the thing.

  • You guys don't carry around your policy positions

  • with you in your pocket? [ Laughter ]

  • -I'm going to start.

  • -You got to simplify and have broad appeal to everybody.

  • Now, we're in America. America loves bans.

  • We love religious bans, ethnic bans, soda bans.

  • So the first thing you got -- -Oh, bans.

  • -Yeah, you got to ban stuff.

  • -Okay, sorry I thought you meant bands.

  • -No, no, no, we like them,

  • but not as much as like, "Muslim ban."

  • Like, that's what -- -Banning.

  • -Okay, first ban.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • This is America, you guys.

  • First ban, no stickers on fruit. Cut it out.

  • -Yeah! I told you.

  • [ Cheers and applause ] I totally agree.

  • I totally agree with you. -Bite into an apple.

  • I know it's an apple.

  • Have a banana,

  • I don't need to know where it's from.

  • I know it's a banana. -Yeah, I love bananas.

  • -The second ban, no visors.

  • Cut it out, visors.

  • Are you a hat or are you eyewear?

  • Make up your mind.

  • You can't be in headwear purgatory.

  • -Okay. -That's the second ban.

  • Third ban, celery, you're done.

  • Celery is done. -What?

  • -What is -- Okay, celery has to be like, "Oh, I'm cool.

  • I hang out with peanut butter."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • What do you bring to the table, celery?

  • -Interesting. Okay.

  • I see what you're saying. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

  • -Okay, I see what you're saying. -You have to be paired with --

  • oh, no, no, but the buffalo wings are here.

  • No, no, no, celery. What are you about?

  • -Okay, gotcha. -Celery's done.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Dave and Buster's.

  • Both of them banned.

  • Dude. -What?

  • -Adults don't like Dave and Buster's and no one wants

  • to pay $19 for chicken fingers.

  • -Oh, my God. -I have some other new ideas.

  • -Sure. -Alright.

  • So, you know, America loves entrepreneurship and innovation.

  • This is just my campaign slogan.

  • "Hasan Minhaj 2020,

  • 'there's only one version of the college textbook.'"

  • -Thank God! -You know how -- Yeah!

  • Thank God!

  • That's what I'm talking about! [ Applause ]

  • The professor is like, "Oh, get the sixth edition."

  • -Yes. -I rewrote the appendix.

  • You're like, "Dude, I'm getting the version

  • from my older brother." -Yeah.

  • 300 bucks. I'm keeping it.

  • -Paper straws.

  • It's not our responsibility to fix climate change, okay?

  • -What? -No.

  • -What are you talking -- -The paper straw --

  • It always collapses,

  • like it's a levy and I'm like, no.

  • Twizzler straws.

  • [ Laughter ] They're biodegradable

  • and they're delicious.

  • Twizzler straws.

  • [ Cheers and applause ] Okay.

  • -I love it.

  • -Now, let me give you one thing.

  • -Okay. -Now, Jimmy, right now

  • it's starting to heat up in the political cycle, right?

  • -Yes, yes. -All the major candidates

  • are trying reaching out to minorities.

  • It's pander season, baby.

  • You're going to see them dabbing,

  • speaking Spanish for no reason. -Sure.

  • -They're going to come on the show and,

  • like, come out with the Mariachi band with you.

  • -Yeah. [ Laughter ]

  • -For immigrants we really have one main issue -- immigration.

  • Okay? -Yeah.

  • -So, Hasan Minhaj 2020:

  • "I'll let one of your cousins in."

  • [ Laughter ] I'll give you one person.

  • You get one person.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -Hasan Minhaj, everybody.

  • Catch new episodes of "Patriot Act" every Sunday on Netflix.

  • We'll be right back with Charlie Puth.

  • Dude, you run the show. Hasan Minhaj!

-I've been watching your show. This season, it's fantastic.

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Hasan Minhaj Endorses a Presidential Candidate for 2020

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    王惟惟 posted on 2020/01/12
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