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  • AVGN: It's been ten years since I first began broadcasting to you through the miracle of YouTube technology!

  • And since then I've been trying to keep up with the times.

  • I just finished upgrading my vinyl record collection to cassettes,

  • and I got a new cell phone!

  • Check it out!

  • And I finally got one of those new rectangular TVs.

  • I've been reorganizing all my game consoles, new video switchers, working out all the bugs,

  • new shelves, I can now get behind my game consoles to reach all the wires,

  • and of course, the ability to play games in HD clarity!

  • Yeah, high def! Yeah...

  • Now let's play some 8-bits.

  • He's gonna take you back to the past

  • to play the shitty games that suck ass

  • He'd rather have a buffalo

  • take a diarrhea dump in his ear

  • He'd rather eat the rotten asshole

  • of a roadkilled skunk and down it with beer

  • He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard

  • He's the Angry Nintendo Nerd

  • He's the Angry Atari, Sega Nerd

  • He's the Angry Video Game Nerd

  • BLAM!

  • Shootin' shit, runnin' around in your blue underwear!

  • It doesn't get any better than this.

  • It ain't Superman or Ultraman, it's Capcom's Mega Man,

  • a robot hero built by Dr. Light to battle against the evil Dr. Wily and his never-ending supply of robot villains

  • in the year two... whatever.

  • The 2D gameplay is as classic as they come,

  • with a little bit of Contra, a little Metroid, but still stands in its own right,

  • with its stage select system and the ability to steal each of the boss characters' weapons.

  • Oh, and can't forget about those disappearing blocks.

  • One of the many rules of gaming: Never trust what's under your feet.

  • Mega Man 2 is favored by many.

  • It's considered to be one of the supreme examples of these types of sidescrolling action games.

  • It's the one everybody knows, just like another Capcom game, Street Fighter II,

  • which revolutionized the tournament fighter genre.

  • I guess you can say Capcom made the best number-twos.

  • It's the simple things that make it so appealing.

  • For example, Mega Man's run cycle: He's constantly at full sprint,

  • you can see the determination, the pure gallantry!

  • But that doesn't even graze upon why the gameplay is so addicting.

  • The jumping, the mid-air shooting, it's a science that triggers a phenomenon in your brain.

  • It's so badass...

  • [♪ Quickman Stage - Mega Man II ♪]

  • ... oh, sorry, I was just playing the game.

  • When you do catch yourself a break to stop and listen,

  • you'll realize you're hearing some of the most rockin' video game tunes of all time!

  • If only the idea of video game soundtrack albums caught on back then.

  • You'd get 21 hits in one fantastic collection, including:

  • DA! DUH-DUH-DUH! DA-DU-DU-DUH-DUH DAAAH DU DU DA! DUH-DUH-DUH DA-DU-DU-DUH-DUH! DA-DAA! ♫ [♪ Crashman Stage ♪]

  • And:

  • DUDLU-DUDLU-DUH, DUDLU-DUDLU-DUH, DA DUH DAH! DUDLU-DUDLU-DUH, DA! DA! DA! DA! ♫ [♪Dr. Wily Stage 1♪]

  • DUDLU-DUDLU-DUH, DA! DA! DA! DA! DUH! ♫

  • This offer is not available in stores, order today.

  • I remember when Mega Man was a trilogy,

  • but then it became a motherfuckin' hexology! Six classic 8-bit games on the NES!

  • With each installment there were upgrades: 3 added the slide, 4 added the Mega Buster,

  • and of course each time they had to come up with more robot villain names:

  • Snake Man, Needle Man, Hard Man, Dust Man, Charge Man,

  • Tomahawk Man, Kimmy Gibbler Turd Salad Man, it wouldn't stop!

  • The series was impressively consistent.

  • There was a point where it seemed like the team behind making these games were not human.

  • They were machines themselves, pounding out each sequel in an assembly line!

  • Sure, by the time 6 came along it got a little stale,

  • but it was rejuvenated with the Mega Man X series on Super Nintendo,

  • featuring a new Mega Man robot called X.

  • Man oh man, if the franchise's foot wasn't already so far up your ass from kickin' it,

  • now you were about to have your balls blown off 'til they orbit Uranus!

  • X3 had a lot of cutscenes and dialog boxes... but that's cool.

  • X4 is when they moved to the Playstation consoles, and now the cutscenes were getting a bit out of hand.

  • But with every new-generation console they want to show off the technical capabilities, I get it, that's okay.

  • But the dialogue... ugh!

  • But I can see how they're trying to keep the story an integral part of the experience,

  • to keep it fresh and interesting!

  • With X5, it starts right up with text.

  • You know... uh... yeah...

  • After a long introduction, the game starts, or... or...

  • [♪ Opening Stage X - Mega Man X5♪]

  • ... okay, alright, we're off now!

  • And things are startin' t-- Oh my god!

  • It's no joke, every five seconds there's more dialog!

  • Can you see a red rope ahead of you... ?

  • I don't know... can I move?

  • CAN I PLAY THE FUCKIN' GAME?!

  • I was just startin' to have fun, and it goes to SHIIIT!

  • FUUCK!!

  • Now everything's exploding!

  • I just started playing the game! Have fuckin' mercy!

  • Every screen there's a bomb you have to defuse, but they don't give you enough time to reach it!

  • Explosions, dialog...

  • Explosions AND dialog at the same time!

  • Oh my God!

  • [♪ Sigma 1st - Mega Man X5 ♪]

  • This is fuckin' horseshit...

  • I've had enough shitty games! I've dedicated myself to this for too long!

  • I've had it!

  • I quit.

  • [♪ Ending (Nerd version)- Mega Man II ♪]

  • 2007 NERD: Like, I gotta get away from this game! I gotta get out of this room!

  • I gotta go out somewhere and do something wild!

  • Like get a tattoo on my face, of a goat holding up a baby, snorting cocaine off its penis!

  • 2007 NERD: And most important, celebrate your independence

  • not to play shitty fucking games!

  • Oh my God!

  • 2007 NERD: Who are you? 2016 NERD: I'm you!

  • 2007 NERD: I can see that, how'd you get here? 2016 NERD: I don't know, but...

  • I remember this... yeah...

  • I don't know how else to say this, but I'm from the future.

  • There, I said it.

  • Really... ?

  • Do I get the goat tattoo?

  • Obviously not on your face.

  • Look at this old setup.

  • You know, with the original NES model you can't play European games.

  • You gotta get your RF shit modded into composite.

  • Still blowin' in your cartridges, you gotta get your--

  • Oh, whoa whoa whoa...

  • 2016 NERD: Why is that there? 2007 NERD: I don't know, it just sits there.

  • 2016 NERD: Get rid of it! 2007 NERD: Why?

  • 2016 NERD: You'll know by Episode 100! 2007 NERD: Episode wh-what?!

  • Oh yeah, trust me. Just quit, right now.

  • Wh- why? It's my du-- it's OUR duty to review bad games and warn people from playing this shit.

  • What's this here?

  • There's a Mega Man PC game on DOS?

  • MEGA MAN ON DOS!!

  • This is something that'll make you wanna quit!

  • 2007 NERD: Okay, I'll give it a try.

  • First of all, I can't get it to work on a controller.

  • Even after installing all kinds of shit, Mega Man won't stop running to the left.

  • So I'm gonna have to use the keyboard.

  • Imagine playing a Mega Man game on a keyboard!

  • Where's the jump key... nngh! Argh!

  • What's up with the colors? You have it set to CGA.

  • You know, if you were playing on the most up-to-date computers at the time, it would have looked much better.

  • Have you forgotten? We gotta bring people back to the past!

  • There was a time when it was common for computer games to look like this.

  • Why of all colors did they pick baby blue and magenta as the norm?

  • I don't know, but that's how it was! These are the colors of our childhood!

  • Why is there a toll booth?

  • Mega Man can't pass without paying a toll?!

  • Does he have E-ZPass?

  • I can't outrun this dog!

  • Oh, get away! Get away!!

  • 2016 NERD: Shoot 'em! 2007 NERD: I can't get far enough away!

  • 2016 NERD: Then run! Just run! Run! Run!

  • 2007 NERD: I can't! He jumps so fuckin' far!

  • Eat a bowl of fuck, you assholian!

  • Uggh!!

  • It's the first screen of the game!

  • You can't get 'em off you! You can't outrun 'em, and if you do kill 'em, he respawns!

  • Well, I guess that's as far as we can get.

  • Good! No more of that.

  • 2016 NERD: Oh, you did it! You gotta keep going now! 2007 NERD: Alright...

  • So after that you get the classic Mega Man stage select screen, with only three selections.

  • No matter which stage you pick, you're always fighting bats, frogs, bees, spiders and rodents.

  • No creative robot enemies, nothing like that, just kill a bunch of animals!

  • And they're all too short to hit!

  • If you can't shoot on the ground, why are all the enemies on the ground?

  • Why are the E Tanks always in a puzzling spot?

  • As if the game was deliberately designed to tease you and piss you off!

  • They even put arrows telling you to move to the left.

  • So not only do you get to die, you get to feel like an idiot too.

  • These things are like magnets, they pull you toward them.

  • And you're trying to get through this electrical hazard at the same time!

  • Did both these things have to exist in the same place?

  • And then once the disappearing blocks start happening, it's all over.

  • Remember, I'm playing on a keyboard.

  • Fortunately, with the sequel, the controller works,

  • but... Mega Man 3?

  • No, I didn't skip 2. They did.

  • There was no Mega Man 2 for PC, they jumped straight to 3,

  • probably because the real Mega Man 3 on NES was already out.

  • That would have made sense if this were the same game, but it's totally different.

  • You can say it's a big step up from the first DOS game, with twice as many stages,

  • but for some reason they decided to make the stages as confusing as possible.

  • Typically in the Mega Man games, the challenge is in your platform jumping,

  • your combat strategy and knowing when to use your special items.

  • But this is all about navigating a maze.

  • If you want a good where-the-fuck-do-I-go kinda game, try Mega Man 3 DOS.

  • Ugh!

  • See? This shit is a waste of life!

  • You don't believe me? Play some of those awful Simpsons games!

  • I think I will! And you know what, Nerd?

  • You should play more of those bad Mega Man games.

  • Nerd?

  • 2006 NERD: Who's gonna want to play this piece of shit? I'm lucky if I can get one other person!

  • I have a better chance of cloning myself!

  • NERD 1: So fuckin' bad it sucks! NERD 3: This is fuckin' shit!

  • NERD 1: It's so suckin' fuck... NERD 3: It's diarrhea shit! This game is horrible!

  • NERD 3: What a piece of fuckin' shit. NERD 1: Hey, wait... wait, wait!

  • I'm in a dream, I can do whatever I want, so why don't we all just stop playing this fuckin' game?

  • NERD 2: Yeah! NERD 1: So the hell with that shit!

  • NERD 4: Yeah! The hell with that damn shit!

  • NERD 3: The hell with that damn fuckin' shit! NERD 2: The h-

  • 2016 AVGN: THE HELL WITH THAT GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKIN' BULLSHIT!!

  • NERD 2: Wh- what?? NERD 3: Nobody tells me what's goin' on here!

  • NERD 4: I can't fuckin' believe this! NERD 3: Who invited this asshole?!

  • Look, I know this sounds weird, but I've sort of been time-travelling around through AVGN history.

  • Yeah, that's weird. We've never seen anything weird before.

  • NERD 4: What's AVGN? NERD 3: Audio-Video Graphic Network!

  • A VaGiNa.

  • NERD 3: So what time did you come from? 2016 AVGN: From ten years into the future.

  • That's nice. Could you have picked a more confusing time to show up?

  • Not confusing at all! Time-travelling back into a dream?

  • That happens all the time! Makes perfect fuckin' sense!

  • Relax.

  • Alright now, look, I could tell you that Freddy's around the corner and he's waiting to kill all'ya,

  • but I'm gonna show you how much worse things could get.

  • Here is Mega Man Legends on PlayStation.

  • PlayStation? We're the Angry Nintendo Nerd!

  • Then change the fuckin' name! It's about time.

  • How about Angry Nintendo Commentator?

  • NERD 3: How about Retro Nostalgic Video Gaming Shit Seeker?

  • NERD 4: How about Nostalgia Critic?

  • Now that's fuckin' stupid.

  • How about Angry Video Game Nerd?

  • NERD 4: Yeah, that's good. NERD 3: I agree with that!

  • Mega Man Legends was when the series made the jump to three dimensions.

  • In the late nineties it was almost like a law: Every 2D franchise must try 3D.

  • So the game begins, and...

  • Ugh... that explains it all.

  • Don't you think I can see?!

  • Don't worry, I CAN'T move! Every time I try it's another text box!

  • Oh, what, that thing in front of me?

  • Not far from my current position?

  • Use the Circle button?! Really?! I would've never thought of that!

  • That's not at all what I was just about to do!

  • The control is horrific.

  • You know how in Mario 64 and Zelda: Ocarina of Time, how natural the controls feel?

  • You push the joystick in the direction you wanna go, and it responds perfectly!

  • In Mega Man Legends, it's nothing at all like that.

  • Instead, the D-pad moves you two-dimensionally left and right

  • while you rotate your viewpoint with the L1 and R1 buttons.

  • At least that's the best I can explain the controls.

  • The game was later released on the Nintendo 64, calling it - what else - Mega Man 64.

  • In this version the controls are slightly better, but hardly anything else has been updated,

  • despite coming out three years later and four years after Mario 64,