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  • I've only ever reviewed video games, so I can't speak with any authority on...other

  • products. Like, I don't know if it's the same way with kitchen appliances, but in video

  • games...most video games are pretty f*cking bad. Seriously. Just awful. And it's, like,

  • the 10 or 15 percent that are actually exceptionally good that keep everyone interested.

  • Which sounds okay. But if you think about it, it's like...if that's how kitchen appliances

  • worked, people's houses would burn down. With games, no one cares. But what really happens

  • is...people end up buying stuff like this.

  • My Baby Pet Hotel 3D or a kitchen fire. You decide what's worse.

  • This thing comes from the same team that gave us My Little Baby 3D. My Baby Pet Hotel 3D

  • is actually a step up in quality from that other game, which says a lot more about that

  • other game than this one.

  • This one is still pretty bad.

  • And worse, it's just...it's actually stunning how little sense it makes. It's exceptionally

  • inexplicable. It's so confusing and uninteresting, it's actually fascinating. No clue.

  • So obviously, it's a pet game. You run this pet hotel, people bring their pets, you ostensibly

  • take care of them. There's a tutorial, but...it is just page after page of text. And keep

  • in mind, this is a game for kids. And if there's one things kids are good at, it's reading

  • 37 pages to learn how to play a video game. So, inexplicable decision number one.

  • Making a children's pet game confusing enough to warrant a tutorial novel.

  • But therein lies another problem. All that text, and you still don't know what to do.

  • Or where the game actually starts. It never tells you. You know what, maybe it does...and

  • I just started at the screen for 30 minutes. I don't know, that's entirely possible. But

  • it's all written so...oddly. Like, the wording is about as unclear as it could possibly be.

  • Almost as if it was written to deter criminals.

  • Nope. Just children. Same thing, really.

  • Anyway, fortunately, things started happening. I figured out how to play. Easier said than

  • done. So your pet hotel is this little town, almost. And it's, like, a 3D place. So much

  • so that you're able to walk around there. The top screen shows your character walking

  • around, and the bottom has the map, with all the icons of things you can do. Inexplicable

  • decision number two. The whole top part? Completely unnecessary. Why can't I just tap the icons?

  • There's no reason to walk around. It's just an interactive map, is all it is. Which artificially

  • lengthens the game. You can't just tap the store. You have to walk there, and then tap

  • it.

  • And then, to actually play with your animals...get this. You have to walk to the house for the

  • appropriate animal, because each one has a different house. Then you can tap the icon

  • and go in, because simply tapping it from anywhere would be too simple. Then you have

  • to tap the pet to select itand with the poor touch recognition, good luck. And then,

  • for some reason, even though the entire game is touch based...you press A to bring up a

  • pet menu.

  • And from there, you can actually play with your pets.

  • This is a game for children. Who are notoriously patient and attentive.

  • I mean, I guess there's details to discuss, but...I'm not sure there's a point. There

  • are five species to take care of, and you can pet them and bathe them and feed them

  • and teach them tricks. Because who doesn't teach their guinea pig how to jump. Oh, and

  • feeding them? Yeah, you actually have to buy the ingredients and mix certain foods to create

  • meals, which is a separate little confusing minigame in itself.

  • And that's the problem with My Baby Pet Hotel 3D. It's not badly made at all. It's just...the

  • design is so confusing and needlessly complicated, even I couldn't figure out what to do.

  • And contrary to reports, I am not a 13-year-old girl.

  • I stopped buying Lady Gaga records, like, months ago.

  • It's My Baby Pet Hotel 3D.

I've only ever reviewed video games, so I can't speak with any authority on...other

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CGR Undertow - MY BABY PET HOTEL 3D review for Nintendo 3DS

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    阿多賓 posted on 2013/11/25
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