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Becoming an adult means having it all together.
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But that's now how I feel when I think about my student loans.
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Oh cool, and only 25 more years to go.
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And I still like playing with toys...
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OH MY GOSH BB8 IS SOOOO CUTE!
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And sometimes I feel like a mess.
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I'M A GROWN ASS MAN…WHY DO I HAVE A ZIT?!?!
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Adulthood isn't about all that - it's really about your brain, the culture you live in, and how you function.
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Neurologically speaking, your brain doesn't finish developing until your mid 20s.
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That's when the prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain that plans and controls emotions, is good to go.
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Every culture defines adulthood differently, but a new category of development has come up across the world in industrialized nations: emerging adulthood.
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It's a period from 18 to 30 where the goal is to figure out who you want to become.
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Things are unstable
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People move around, have different jobs, and don't really commit to any one thing.
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Why is there a new stage of emerging adulthood?
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People spend more time in school and are getting married and having kids later... or not at all.
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Some scientists don't think emerging adulthood is a thing, and if is it's hard to know if we'll still be talking about it in the future.
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I mean… this is what we thought 2015 would look like back in the 80s.
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So yeah, in 2045, maybe we'll have a completely different understanding of being an adult.
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The standards of previous generations don't work anymore.
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30 is the new 20.
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This gets me to last part of becoming an adult - function.
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You have to be able to do certain things on your own in order to become an adult.
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These are called developmental milestones.
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Adult developmental milestones can include staying healthy, controlling your emotions, defining your identity, developing relationships, finishing your education, holding a job, becoming financially independent.
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That's a lot of stuff.
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It's intimidating, especially when everyone seems to have all their shit together.
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But no emerging adult has it ALL together.
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It took me 11 years to finish my education.
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I was totally dependent on my parents and student loans.
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I got pretty good at living on my own and connecting with others, but I knew nothing about finances, and I wondered if I should become a psychologist.
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I spent a few years dabbling with photography, which now that I think about it, helped me make this show.
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The experience is different for everyone.
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Some have to start working at a young age.
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Others have the luxury of going to school for a long time.
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But becoming an adult is like a video game — eventually your character is going to beat the level, but everyone gets to the end their own way.
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The maturity of becoming an adult is understanding your strengths and weaknesses, practicing the things you struggle with, and getting help when you need it.
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Choose a goal that's just beyond what you can do on your own.
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Find a mentor.
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That's what psychologist called the zone of proximal development: people learn best when they experience a challenge and get support.
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Parents, your job is to help this process along, and as your child begins to function more like an adult, back off!
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Otherwise, your young adult might be stuck in a state of arrested development.
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What are your thoughts on becoming an adult?
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Let me know in the comments below.
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I'm @alimattu on Twitter. Be sure to like THE PSYCH SHOW on Facebook and click on BB8 development.