Subtitles section Play video Print subtitles Class, we're gonna try something a little bit different today. No books, no homework...just ideas. O Captain! My Captain! Awesome. Every teacher ever. Mr. Berke, can I please go to the bathroom? I don't know, CAN you? Fine. May I go? I don't know, may you? Yes, I can physically go to the bathroom. Now may I please go? Whatever. Just go, I guess. Never mind. Every teacher ever. Chapter three: Your Vagina and You. Really, ladies? Passing notes. Let's just see what was so important it couldn't wait until after... Oh my god, are you serious? Katie is such a b**ch sl*t! Stick around after class. Like, we totally have to discuss. Wait? What? - That sl*t what? - Huh? - Sorry, wh*re what? - I...I don't... - Basic b**ch says what? - Really? Sorry, wh*re what? Sl*t what? Every teacher ever. All right, guys, before we get started, we need to have a conversation about safety, okay? You need to be safe around saws or this could happen to you! I'm just kidding, guys. But for reals, you need to be careful while... Teacher. Okay, class, so none of you want to be inspired by poetry. I get it. So how about we... watch a movie! Oh-ho-ho! Teach is cool. Why would we watch a movie? We came here to learn, d*ckhead. What the f*ck is wrong with you guys? Teeeeach. And don't forget that you have essays due on Thursday. Class dismissed. I'm so happy you stayed after class, Bobby. I think we can learn a lot from each other. Uh, cool, but can we hurry it up? My parents are throwing me a surprise 18th birthday party. Wait... you're 18? Yeah. Oh my god. Too old! You disgust me. Was that a pop quiz? Chalkboard! Seriously? Give me the ball. Give me the ball! All right, now, this is how you peg a dweeb. Give me the ball! Give me the ball. One more, come on! You're going down! Oh! Yeah! Woo! Ha ha! I am the coolest f*cking kid in school! Yeah! Every teacher. All right, class, today we're going to talk about being safe when we have intercourse. Uh, too late, b*tch. Mr. Teacher. Eyes on your own paper, Mr. Thompson! No backtalk! Showing our ankles to the public, are we, Miss Lancaster? Touch me with that ruler, and it's your job, old man. It's 2015. You can't get away with that sh*t anymore. That sounds precisely like something a witch would say! Wiiiitch! Witch! She's a witch! Take her away! The trial is at dusk. - A witch! - What the hell?! I don't get any of these jokes because I'm homeschooled! Man, teachers are lucky. They even have the lounge. Man, I bet it's so awesome in there. Forget it. Oh! Hot! Hot! Hot! Every teacher ever. Hey, guys, thanks so much for subscribing. Click the video on the left to watch bloopers from this video and this. And click the video on the right to check out Every Break Up Ever. I'm just not gay. You're not gay? For you. And if you're on a phone or tablet, all the stuff we just mentioned are in the description below.