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  • Here, let me, yummy, here you go, okay.

  • Very nice!

  • Your candy has been crushed, sir.

  • But luckily he kept his wits, and his purple crayon.

  • Ooh damn, dang, dang, dang, oh dang!

  • Here we go, okay, okay, we got my bag, baby bag, baby seat.

  • - Bye Hun. - Wait, keys, wait, baby!

  • Okay, can't forget the baby.

  • - Hello! - Hey!

  • How was your day?

  • Cheers!

  • - Cheers! -Happy date night!

  • Have a good night!

  • Do you guys like Pitbull?

  • We're all gonna be young forever, woo!

  • Hey!

  • Hey, sorry, I just put the baby down.

  • Oh, thanks for the beer.

  • Ah, I can't wait to have kids!

  • Mm, trust me, you can wait.

  • It all seems so magical, you know, when you see your baby smile for the first time, or walk...

  • Yeah, or clean up a stage five poop blow out, that gets all over the changing table, which the dog then eats for some reason, because he likes eating poop.

  • It's not that kinda dog.

  • And then he vomits that poop all over the couch, which you just cleaned baby vomit off of.

  • And as much as you try and clean it, that couch will forever be known as the vomit couch.

  • Yeah, that sounds bad.

  • Yeah.

  • I don't know, I mean I wonder, when am I gonna be ready to have kids?

  • You're never ready, that's the thing.

  • Really, not even like, at age 30?

  • Yeah.

  • Huh.

  • Are you guys sleeping much?

  • Turns out the human body is incredibly resilient.

  • I don't even need much more then four hours of sleep.

  • You look exhausted.

  • I know, I'm in denial.

  • Look, I get it, I mean I been waking up early too.

  • I've been doing this 7 A.M. workout class.

  • Oh, 7 A.M., wow.

  • You're such a martyr, oh my God, your life sounds so hard.

  • I mean, sometimes when I got out, I sleep in, but I find I can't sleep much past 10AM.

  • I would literally only eat pineapple-pizza for the rest of my life if it meant I could sleep 'til 10 A.M.

  • Oh god.

  • Yeah.

  • I hate pineapple-pizza.

  • And I love pizza.

  • You get me.

  • It's tough, but it's worth it.

  • Sounds like having a really cute puppy.

  • Cute doesn't even begin to describe it.

  • Cute is like something you see in a photo, you know.

  • Plush toys, those are cute.

  • Having a baby, it's, it's, sublime.

  • When I hold him, or rock him, or play with him, I'm filled with this impossibly vast love.

  • I don't know, it's like, you see the baby and for a moment, you get a glimpse of the mystery of life.

  • Whenever I see him crawling around, or exploring things, I can tell he's just disovering the world and seeing 1,000 things every second.

  • It's awesome.

  • Wow.

  • Yeah.

  • Well, next rounds on me.

  • More drinks?

  • Yes, let's get another drink, let's stay out all night.

  • Let's, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I should go.

  • We've got squad crew-necks, we've got a baby onesie.

  • We got a baby that's trying to escape.

  • - His hat! - Oh no!

  • His hat, hats off to that!

  • You can get it at

  • Get my bicep curls!

  • You know, as you grow older, Daddy's gonna have to just get stronger.

Here, let me, yummy, here you go, okay.

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B2 H-INT US baby poop couch cute pizza sleep

Ned's Life Before Kids Vs. After Kids

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    Annie Chien   posted on 2019/10/07

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