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  • You know what I love?

  • Myself!

  • Yes, but a year ago I finally admitted that I hate myself.

  • I know that sounds super extreme, but the first time I had the revelation of like, "Wow, I think I DO hate myself!"

  • I really wanted to push it away and just deny it because it seemed so intense.

  • But when you think about the way you talk to yourself, most often, we say things like...

  • "You're so stupid, why did you say that?"

  • "You're terrible at everything you do, just stop, no one cares."

  • "Uh, of course he left you, why would anyone wanna be with you?"

  • Which for some reason is totally acceptable coming from your head.

  • But if you separated your mind and you, and you imagine that everything it was telling you is coming from a friend.

  • That's probably the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life.

  • Oh, your art is terrible, you're never gonna make it

  • You should definitely get a day job!

  • Yeah, I mean obviously you're single.

  • You have so many issues, who would want to deal with that?

  • That friendship would not last.

  • You know when I became aware of how awful my self-talk was, I also realized how those messages drove parts of myself.

  • I have been trying to change for years that I sacrifice my mental health in the name of work.

  • That I practiced poor boundaries because I'm afraid of speaking up.

  • That I tolerate disrespect in romantic relationships

  • Because honestly, it's what I think I deserve.

  • So a year ago, I was like, "okay, well, how do I stop hating myself?"

  • Because that's not a good thing.

  • They say, "you can't love someone else if you don't love yourself."

  • And I want to love someone else before I die!

  • And self-love, in particular, seems like this like very abstract, rainbows and butterflies, intangible concept beyond achievement.

  • 'Cause there's no like physical measurement of success, just this deep internal certainty and self-assurance of one's worth that I have never had and I cannot tell you what it looks like.

  • Until now!

  • You know, everyone has their own way of working on themselves.

  • But I've found the single instrumental tool in changing my self-talk has been journaling.

  • Specifically, journaling affirmations that just emotionally resonate with me.

  • Every single day for the last year, sometimes multiple times a day, I was in a bad place you guys.

  • I would journal and journal and journal to combat all the negative self-talk that runs on the default apps of my brain.

  • And the more I did this, the more aware I became of what I was saying to myself moment to moment.

  • So I would catch myself being self-deprecating as a joke, or beating myself up about a mistake I made 10 years ago, or judging other people for stuff that really was about my own insecurities.

  • And I thought there would be like 30 steps or something that I had to take in order to deal with this.

  • But honestly there was only one.

  • And that was changing my self-talk, so it reflected the way I wanted to feel about myself.

  • And this is manifested very slowly over the course of a year.

  • I want to stress this 'cause I don't want to act like it's some magical instant process, you know.

  • It took time and I'm still working on it a lot.

  • And I've been really surprised to find that self-love just means taking a bunch of really small steps to communicate that I care about you/me.

  • You know, like, walking away from unanswered emails so I can get a good night's sleep.

  • Not being afraid to leave the party early.

  • Having a skincare routine.

  • Being sober

  • That's a big one for me.

  • And being as patient, kind and encouraging to myself as I would to any of my friends.

  • I'm Anna Akana, I wish you luck on your journey because the world, and especially the internet, would be a better place if we all loved ourselves.

  • I want to say thank you to "care/of" for sponsoring today's video.

  • I am very grateful that I get to work with brands that I love to fund art that I love.

  • So because I'm both a vegetarian, and a little bit of a health nut, every day I take a multivitamin, a probiotic, fish oil and magnesium.

  • Vitamins have been explained to me by my doctor as just insurance.

  • In case I get too stressed out that day, and I haven't eaten what I needed to.

  • Or if I'm not paying attention to my protein sources and being a junk food vegetarian that just eats pasta and potato chips.

  • And I definitely do notice that there's a difference in both my sleep quality and my mood when I'm getting everything that my body needs.

  • But I know that figuring out what your body needs can be very annoying and overwhelming.

  • So "care/of" makes vitamins easy.

  • You take a five-minute quiz, and they suggest which ones you need based on your dietary requirements and lifestyle.

  • Prices start at just $20 a month and vary depending on your personalised pack.

  • The first 200 people to click the link in the description can use my code and get 25% off their first month.

You know what I love?

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A2 US love journal journaling vegetarian day single

The one step to self love

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    Annie Chien posted on 2019/10/07
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