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  • Michael Cohen told Congress

  • that President Trump is a racist,

  • a con man, and a cheat,

  • which would have been big news

  • if it wasn't also the slogan for Trump's 2020 campaign.

  • But it was interesting to hear Cohen give examples

  • of Trump's racism in private settings.

  • He once asked me if I could name a country

  • run by a black person that wasn't a shithole.

  • This was when Barack Obama was president of the United States.

  • And while we were once driving

  • through a struggling neighborhood in Chicago,

  • he commented that only black people could live that way.

  • And he told me that black people would never vote for him

  • because they were too stupid.

  • What?

  • Black people wouldn't vote for you, Trump,

  • because they're too stupid? No, Donald.

  • Actually, the reason black people wouldn't vote for you

  • is because of your trash-ass weave.

  • Look at that thing. What is that?

  • Where did you get it from?

  • It looks like you couldn't afford the good shit from India,

  • so you just had to take it off the horses in Central Park.

  • That's-that's why black people didn't vote for you.

  • Also, the 50 years of well-documented racism.

  • But mostly the weave, my friend!

  • Now, in response to Cohen's racism accusations,

  • the Republicans on the committee put forward

  • an airtight response to prove

  • that Trump is the least racist person you will ever meet.

  • Mark Meadows bringing in Lynne Patton,

  • who works for the administration,

  • as proof that Donald Trump is not a racist.

  • I asked Lynne to come today in her personal capacity,

  • uh, to actually shed some light.

  • It has to do with your claim of racism.

  • She says that,

  • as a daughter of a man born in Birmingham, Alabama,

  • that there is no way that she would work

  • for-for an individual

  • who was racist.

  • Bravo. Bravo.

  • They used the "black friend" defense.

  • "I cannot be racist, because,

  • as you can see, I have a black friend."

  • There are so many things about this that I find funny.

  • One, whenever the Trumps are accused of racism,

  • they always bring the same woman.

  • I don't know if you've noticed that.

  • Like, if you can only bring one black person every time,

  • something tells me you don't have black friends.

  • And, also, I wonder how many times she has to show up

  • to places because of something racist Trump has said.

  • Like, it feels like she has to bail him out.

  • At 3:00 a.m., she's probably getting texts from Trump, like,

  • "Quick, Lynne, I need you to come down to the golf club.

  • "I thought someone was Steve Harvey,

  • but it was not Steve Harvey!"

  • Just, like, assign, like, a-a Bat-Signal for her.

  • It's like a Black-Signal. Just like, "Save me!"

  • And, now, Cohen made it clear that he had no hard proof

  • of Trump coordinating with Russia during the campaign,

  • but he did share one memory that,

  • looking back on it, says, you know,

  • that it could be proof that Trump knew

  • about the infamous Trump Tower meeting.

  • Don Trump Jr. came into the room

  • and walked behind his father's desk,

  • which, in and of itself, was unusual.

  • People didn't just walk behind Mr. Trump's desk to talk to him.

  • And I recall Don Jr. leave...

  • leaning over to his father

  • and speaking in a low voice,

  • which I could clearly hear,

  • and saying, "The meeting is all set."

  • And I remember Mr. Trump saying,

  • "Okay, good. Let me know."

  • You know the best part of that little story isn't

  • that Trump may have known about the Russia Trump Tower meeting.

  • It's that Don Jr. doesn't know how to whisper.

  • (laughter)

  • And Cohen had plenty of other revelations today.

  • You know, details on Trump

  • potentially committing campaign finance crimes

  • by paying off Stormy Daniels,

  • uh, and how he fraudulently used his charity

  • to pay for a portrait of himself,

  • and how Trump influenced Cohen to lie

  • about his business dealings with Russia.

  • But Trump supporters on the House committee--

  • they kept coming back to the same point.

  • Why should we believe Michael Cohen?

  • I don't believe that Michael Cohen is capable

  • of telling the truth.

  • Michael Cohen-- fraudster, cheat, convicted felon,

  • and in two months, a federal inmate.

  • How on earth is this witness credible?

  • He's a fake witness, and his presence here is a travesty.

  • You're about to go to prison for lying.

  • How can we believe anything you say?

  • The answer is, we can't.

  • Look at the old adage that our moms taught us--

  • "Liar, liar, pants on fire."

  • No one should ever listen to you and give you credibility.

  • Uh... whose mom taught them, "Liar, liar, pants on fire"?

  • I'm pretty certain that was a kids-to-kids thing.

  • That wasn't a mom thing.

  • "As my wise mother always said to me,

  • "'I know you are, but what am I?'

  • That's what my mom said all the time."

  • And look, these Republicans do have a point, right?

  • As Cohen himself has admitted, he lied to America

  • on behalf of Donald Trump for ten years.

  • In fact, he's soon going to prison

  • partly because he already lied to Congress.

  • So, why take his word on any of the stuff?

  • Well, we may not have to take his word,

  • because Cohen also brought the receipts.

  • I am giving to the committee today

  • three years of Mr. Trump's personal financial statements.

  • I am providing a copy of a $35,000 check

  • that President Trump personally signed

  • from his personal bank account on August first of 2017,

  • when he was president of the United States.

  • ...a copy of the $130,000 wire transfer.

  • I'm giving the committee today copies of a letter

  • I sent at Mr. Trump's direction

  • threatening these schools with civil and criminal actions.

  • Mr. Trump directed me to threaten his high school,

  • his colleges and the college board

  • to never release his grades or SAT scores.

  • (laughter)

  • Okay, that... that part is just hilarious.

  • How bad were Trump's grades

  • that he threatened to sue his school if they release them?

  • "Like, I swear to God, if you tell anyone

  • I got a G-minus in math, I will destroy you!"

  • Or maybe we assume that. Maybe it's something else.

  • Maybe Trump doesn't want anyone finding out

  • he got an "A" in Spanish.

  • He's just like, "If this gets out,

  • my supporters are gonna be so mad."

  • (imitating Trump speaking Spanish)

  • "I mean, bad hombres. Build the wall!"

  • (laughter)

  • And, look, you almost can't blame Republicans

  • for caring more about protecting their president

  • than getting to the truth, all right?

  • That's just how politics works these days.

  • But Michael Cohen did have a warning for them.

  • I did the same thing

  • that you're doing now for ten years.

  • I protected Mr. Trump for ten years.

  • And I can only warn people,

  • the more people that follow Mr. Trump, as I did blindly,

  • are going to suffer the same consequences that I'm suffering.

  • Wow. That is a powerful, powerful, statement.

  • And in response, the Republican congressman replied,

  • "I'm rubber. You're glue.

  • I yield the remainder of my time."

Michael Cohen told Congress

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Michael Cohen to Congress: Trump Is a Racist, a Con Man and a Cheat | The Daily Show

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