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Michael Cohen told Congress
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that President Trump is a racist,
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a con man, and a cheat,
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which would have been big news
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if it wasn't also the slogan for Trump's 2020 campaign.
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But it was interesting to hear Cohen give examples
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of Trump's racism in private settings.
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He once asked me if I could name a country
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run by a black person that wasn't a shithole.
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This was when Barack Obama was president of the United States.
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And while we were once driving
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through a struggling neighborhood in Chicago,
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he commented that only black people could live that way.
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And he told me that black people would never vote for him
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because they were too stupid.
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What?
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Black people wouldn't vote for you, Trump,
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because they're too stupid? No, Donald.
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Actually, the reason black people wouldn't vote for you
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is because of your trash-ass weave.
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Look at that thing. What is that?
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Where did you get it from?
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It looks like you couldn't afford the good shit from India,
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so you just had to take it off the horses in Central Park.
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That's-that's why black people didn't vote for you.
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Also, the 50 years of well-documented racism.
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But mostly the weave, my friend!
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Now, in response to Cohen's racism accusations,
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the Republicans on the committee put forward
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an airtight response to prove
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that Trump is the least racist person you will ever meet.
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Mark Meadows bringing in Lynne Patton,
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who works for the administration,
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as proof that Donald Trump is not a racist.
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I asked Lynne to come today in her personal capacity,
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uh, to actually shed some light.
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It has to do with your claim of racism.
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She says that,
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as a daughter of a man born in Birmingham, Alabama,
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that there is no way that she would work
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for-for an individual
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who was racist.
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Bravo. Bravo.
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They used the "black friend" defense.
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"I cannot be racist, because,
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as you can see, I have a black friend."
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There are so many things about this that I find funny.
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One, whenever the Trumps are accused of racism,
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they always bring the same woman.
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I don't know if you've noticed that.
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Like, if you can only bring one black person every time,
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something tells me you don't have black friends.
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And, also, I wonder how many times she has to show up
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to places because of something racist Trump has said.
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Like, it feels like she has to bail him out.
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At 3:00 a.m., she's probably getting texts from Trump, like,
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"Quick, Lynne, I need you to come down to the golf club.
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"I thought someone was Steve Harvey,
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but it was not Steve Harvey!"
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Just, like, assign, like, a-a Bat-Signal for her.
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It's like a Black-Signal. Just like, "Save me!"
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And, now, Cohen made it clear that he had no hard proof
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of Trump coordinating with Russia during the campaign,
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but he did share one memory that,
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looking back on it, says, you know,
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that it could be proof that Trump knew
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about the infamous Trump Tower meeting.
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Don Trump Jr. came into the room
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and walked behind his father's desk,
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which, in and of itself, was unusual.
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People didn't just walk behind Mr. Trump's desk to talk to him.
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And I recall Don Jr. leave...
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leaning over to his father
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and speaking in a low voice,
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which I could clearly hear,
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and saying, "The meeting is all set."
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And I remember Mr. Trump saying,
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"Okay, good. Let me know."
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You know the best part of that little story isn't
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that Trump may have known about the Russia Trump Tower meeting.
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It's that Don Jr. doesn't know how to whisper.
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(laughter)
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And Cohen had plenty of other revelations today.
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You know, details on Trump
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potentially committing campaign finance crimes
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by paying off Stormy Daniels,
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uh, and how he fraudulently used his charity
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to pay for a portrait of himself,
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and how Trump influenced Cohen to lie
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about his business dealings with Russia.
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But Trump supporters on the House committee--
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they kept coming back to the same point.
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Why should we believe Michael Cohen?
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I don't believe that Michael Cohen is capable
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of telling the truth.
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Michael Cohen-- fraudster, cheat, convicted felon,
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and in two months, a federal inmate.
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How on earth is this witness credible?
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He's a fake witness, and his presence here is a travesty.
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You're about to go to prison for lying.
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How can we believe anything you say?
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The answer is, we can't.
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Look at the old adage that our moms taught us--
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"Liar, liar, pants on fire."
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No one should ever listen to you and give you credibility.
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Uh... whose mom taught them, "Liar, liar, pants on fire"?
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I'm pretty certain that was a kids-to-kids thing.
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That wasn't a mom thing.
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"As my wise mother always said to me,
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"'I know you are, but what am I?'
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That's what my mom said all the time."
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And look, these Republicans do have a point, right?
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As Cohen himself has admitted, he lied to America
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on behalf of Donald Trump for ten years.
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In fact, he's soon going to prison
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partly because he already lied to Congress.
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So, why take his word on any of the stuff?
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Well, we may not have to take his word,
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because Cohen also brought the receipts.
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I am giving to the committee today
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three years of Mr. Trump's personal financial statements.
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I am providing a copy of a $35,000 check
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that President Trump personally signed
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from his personal bank account on August first of 2017,
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when he was president of the United States.
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...a copy of the $130,000 wire transfer.
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I'm giving the committee today copies of a letter
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I sent at Mr. Trump's direction
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threatening these schools with civil and criminal actions.
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Mr. Trump directed me to threaten his high school,
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his colleges and the college board
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to never release his grades or SAT scores.
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(laughter)
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Okay, that... that part is just hilarious.
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How bad were Trump's grades
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that he threatened to sue his school if they release them?
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"Like, I swear to God, if you tell anyone
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I got a G-minus in math, I will destroy you!"
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Or maybe we assume that. Maybe it's something else.
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Maybe Trump doesn't want anyone finding out
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he got an "A" in Spanish.
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He's just like, "If this gets out,
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my supporters are gonna be so mad."
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(imitating Trump speaking Spanish)
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"I mean, bad hombres. Build the wall!"
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(laughter)
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And, look, you almost can't blame Republicans
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for caring more about protecting their president
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than getting to the truth, all right?
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That's just how politics works these days.
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But Michael Cohen did have a warning for them.
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I did the same thing
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that you're doing now for ten years.
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I protected Mr. Trump for ten years.
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And I can only warn people,
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the more people that follow Mr. Trump, as I did blindly,
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are going to suffer the same consequences that I'm suffering.
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Wow. That is a powerful, powerful, statement.
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And in response, the Republican congressman replied,
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"I'm rubber. You're glue.
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I yield the remainder of my time."