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  • - We're back. Welcome to Keith. Kelsey's here.

  • Today we're playing The Sims again.

  • I'm making myself, finally.

  • Wow, I never even think about ... I'm making myself.

  • You know, everyday in life you're making yourself,

  • but today I'm like actually making myself

  • into the man I wanna be.

  • (funky pop music)

  • - This our town now?

  • - Yeah, this is where you live now.

  • - I don't live in the desert anymore.

  • - No.

  • - Hey, look. It's Eugene, everybody.

  • Hey look, everybody. Breathe it in.

  • People probably made me on the internet, right?

  • - Yeah. - Let's browse. There's one.

  • - That's you!

  • - There's one. I am the fifth most popular

  • Keith on the Sims. Three. Four. Five. Six.

  • Tasmaklejaca1. Rolls off the tongue.

  • This is good. It's the exact stubble I have right now.

  • The winner of the Keith contest that was not started

  • officially until now is Tasmaklejaca1.

  • Congratulations. You will be getting a free

  • shirt in the mail courtesy of Kelsey Impicciche.

  • She can't wait to send it to you.

  • She loves sending gifts to my fans.

  • Let's tear this face apart.

  • We need big lips. Perfect.

  • I wish I was a Kardashian. They seem to have it all.

  • Here's the thing about my chin.

  • This side goes lower than this side.

  • - Wait, yeah.

  • - People aren't perfect. Not even me.

  • - Why is this, the bottom of his face, red

  • like he's been rubbing paper towels on his jaw?

  • Ooh, he got way sexier after he got

  • that paper towel rash out of there.

  • - I want my lips to be bigger. Bigger. Bigger.

  • - Yeah.

  • (Keith laughing)

  • - Let's put some glasses on this guy.

  • I think that's what's messing us up here.

  • I think we need just a framework.

  • (Kelsey laughing)

  • - This guy is so hot.

  • I have beautiful, hazel eyes.

  • Yeah, like that.

  • Let's make them bigger and wider.

  • They need to be bigger. A little too big.

  • A little to anime there.

  • Oh my God, he's so beautiful.

  • This is not me, but his guy is hot.

  • My face is longer than this. Dragging the face down.

  • Still too hot for me.

  • (Kelsey laughing)

  • (Keith grunting) - Oh, there you go

  • - Actually, that helped. Let's put the glasses back on.

  • - It almost looks like your College Humor counter ego.

  • - It does look like Grant. You know why?

  • He's not smiling. 'Cause you don't see my face.

  • (Kelsey laughing) - Done.

  • - Ol' skinny head Habersberger.

  • (Keith screaming)

  • - How do people do this?

  • - From the picture. We have you literally right here.

  • - No. No. We never used the picture. Oh, the neck.

  • (Keith breathing)

  • - Change your eyebrows.

  • - Into what? - More streaky.

  • - Yeah. They're like that.

  • - Like this? - Yeah.

  • - Like this? (Kelsey laughs)

  • - Like this? - Yeah.

  • - Oh this is the worst one I've made.

  • Why is it so hard? Is it because

  • his beauty can't be captured in digital form?

  • - Your forehead's not that big.

  • The ratio to forehead to chin is about similar.

  • It's not like this. You're making your head

  • like more triangle and it's more like an oval.

  • - Here, you draw it. You do it.

  • I'm having a crisis now because my face is

  • so weird looking it can't be recreated digitally. Okay.

  • - All done. I'm figuring it out.

  • (Keith humming)

  • - Making a Keith in The Sims.

  • - Making his face look normal

  • 'cause it doesn't look normal right now.

  • Oh my God. Looks different than it did.

  • - You hate it.

  • - Well the eyebrows are wrong. How do you make a Keith?

  • How do you make a Habersberger?

  • It's one of the great questions in life.

  • - You know when people put - I'm making it worse.

  • - Mouths onto photos and then the mouths talk?

  • That's the way that mouth looks on my face right now.

  • - You put that mouth on your face.

  • - You changed my face. You gotta build around the mouth.

  • And those eyebrows are too little.

  • I got big 'ol brows. Look at the size of these brows.

  • I pull out hair sometimes that are 16 inches long.

  • Right out of my eyebrows. It's like one long thread

  • that's been woven through my face.

  • Like when you pull a string on a sweater.

  • Whole eyebrow unravels.

  • Kelsey, thicken those eyebrows.

  • They need to be thick, baby. Not that thick.

  • Closer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They start a little higher.

  • - Yeah.

  • - They've got an inquisitive nature about them.

  • - Okay. Your eye shape's a little rounder than his.

  • - Aww, I like it. - It's getting worse.

  • - Now put glasses on him.

  • - Okay.

  • - I think this is gonna be great.

  • - Sure. We did it everybody. - I'm sorry.

  • - He's perfect. Now let's change his body around.

  • - Ow, hot.

  • - Fit Keith.

  • - Let's be honest. I do not have this skinny of a tummy.

  • I'm like a rectangle.

  • (laughing)

  • - Look at these feeble, little giraffe legs.

  • - They kinda look like peg legs.

  • - I actually have some fucking big calves.

  • Look at these. Look at these. Look at these calf muscles.

  • They're huge. You can barely ...

  • Sometime my pants get stuck on my calves.

  • Oh this guy's looking pretty good.

  • I wear jeans now, but I used to never wear jeans.

  • I liked wearing cargo pants. Those pants are terrible.

  • There it is. Wow. Wow. Hey!

  • Hey! It looks like me. Oh wow! Look at me.

  • It looks too short. How do I make him taller? It's just-

  • - Unfortunately, in the Sims,

  • they don't let you change their height.

  • (Keith sighs) - Whatever

  • - This is Keith Habersberger.

  • This is a typical, everyday look.

  • Blue squares. Hanging out. Not fit. Not fat.

  • Somewhere in the middle.

  • Hey, he looks good. A little formal.

  • Maybe I got a meeting, huh? Maybe I need to

  • pitch some more fried chicken series

  • and get the company to pay for my eating habits.

  • Now let's go sports. Jeez, I sure don't play sports.

  • Is this what people wear? Great.

  • Let's move to night time. Sleepy time.

  • I sleep like Eugene. Only in my underwear.

  • All the Try Guys, except for Ned,

  • sleep only in their underwear.

  • Ned wears an undershirt.

  • Great. Oh, but wait. I can't nap now.

  • I gotta go to a party so I'll dress totally fine.

  • Turns out it's a pool party. Let's rip up some hides.

  • I am food.

  • - You're not a friend to the world or a comedy star?

  • - Oh maybe I am a comedy star.

  • - I'm a Joke Star, but also I feel like

  • I'm a Friend of the World.

  • Do you think I'm a Friend of the World?

  • And then maybe I'll be a Goofball.

  • (Avatar speaking Simlish) (Keith laughing)

  • - That's a good impression of me.

  • I am a Foodie and let's do ...

  • (Keith clicking tongue)

  • Good. Time to move into our house.

  • Put some clothes on, Eugene.

  • Let's check everyone's status.

  • Eugene is fine. Ned is uncomfortable as always.

  • Zach is at school feeling energized.

  • And Keith is also feeling energized.

  • Happy to be home. Happy to talk to his friends.

  • I'm gonna give Eugene a little pep talk.

  • I know that Eugene is always a little morose.

  • And where am I?

  • - You're on the computer.

  • - Oh my God. This is so meta.

  • (Kelsey laughing) - What do you think I'm doing?

  • - You're playing Sims.

  • - Look at my face.

  • Probably making a way hotter version of myself.

  • Go see Eugene. Oh look at all my (bleep) ideas.

  • God, I'm brilliant. Good morning, world.

  • It is I, Keith, just encouraging my friends.

  • Hey Ned. Hey Eugene. What's going on bud?

  • Ha, ha. Good to see you. We're friends.

  • Oh look at this long shot. It's like we're

  • spying on our neighbors.

  • What it would look like if we were our neighbors.

  • What are they doing over there?

  • Kelsey, don't be too loud. They might see us.

  • What do you think they're doing over there?

  • - Well one of them is naked.

  • - That (bleep) Yang family is ruining the neighborhood.

  • They moved in here with this big, obnoxious house.

  • I'm gonna sneak up on them.

  • (Mischievous mystery music) (Avatars speaking Simlish)

  • - Oh my God. They're having a great time.

  • - It looks like you have a ring on.

  • - Oh, how did it know? Bye, Eugene. I helped you.

  • - You're the only married Try Guy in the house.

  • - Oh my God. I'm the married one?

  • - My wife. My wife. My wife. My wife.

  • Ned. Let's go cheer up Ned.

  • The house has been super dysfunctional all this time

  • and we've never understood why.

  • It's because I was never there.

  • I'm the missing link. I'm that little piece

  • of peace that everyone needs in their life.

  • - And it's not because you don't know how to play Sims.

  • - No. No, no, no, no. It's because Keith wasn't there.

  • Where did Eugene go? Do we have a backyard?

  • Oh, shit. Eugene! Go swimming. Skinny dip with me.

  • Ned's talking about garbage.

  • God, they just never stop, do they?

  • That, is that? Come home. When do-

  • Where does he get the nerve to go educate himself?

  • Not in my house. How do I? How does he come home?

  • Leave school early. Come home. I need you here.

  • Look at me. I am naked in the pool.

  • Eugene is naked grilling. Boy, are we having a good time.

  • Wow. Keith comes in the house and suddenly it is a party.

  • We got our dicks out all over the place.

  • Eugene, no. What are you serving?

  • Are you serving sausages?

  • Hey, Zach's home and he's uncomfortable.

  • He saw Eugene naked. What would Zach do?

  • He would throw a tantrum because he does not like to see

  • grown-up, naked men at his dinner table.

  • Eugene did put on some clothes which is nice.

  • Here comes Keith totally naked.

  • And he's just sitting down naked having some food.

  • (Keith laughing)

  • All right, Keith. Great work.

  • Let's have Keith talk to Zach. Make him feel better.

  • - Oh, no.

  • - Zach's making a (bleep) mess.

  • Can I adopt Zach? I'm adopting Zach.

  • Right off the bat. He's my responsibility now.

  • Is that all it takes? Any paperwork?

  • Do I need to wait three to six months?

  • - He's your dependent now.

  • - Zach, clean up this mess.

  • No son of mine is gonna ruin our new carpet.

  • - Oh, he's cleaning up - Ned's cleaning up

  • - Ned's got it. Thanks, Bro. Where is Keith?

  • Keith. Keith. What am I doing?

  • I never knew how much responsibility

  • it would be to have a son.

  • Zach,