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  • So as you may remember, I came out as bisexual last year.

  • And since then, I have been dating women.

  • And what I found very fascinating is that the more I date women, the more I find myself understanding heterosexual men.

  • Let me explain.

  • Exhibit A: I was on a first date with a girl, who asked me out by the way, this is relevant because when the check came, she never once made a move to pay.

  • Not even like the fake "let me reach for my purse" move.

  • And though I don't mind paying on a date, part of me felt like, you know, the offer would have been nice.

  • I was also a little taken aback that she didn't even say thank you.

  • AND I never heard from her again.

  • It really made me feel like she just asked me out so she could have a free dinner.

  • And the moment I thought that, I was like, "Oh my god. I sound like all of my guy friends right now."

  • And my argument against why guys should pay for dates has always been like, look, girls take hours to get ready.

  • Our investment is looking really nice for you.

  • Make up, clothesthat costs money too.

  • But we were both girls in this situation. We both took hours to get ready.

  • So I definitely felt slighted.

  • Exhibit B : On another day, I went back to a girl's house and I ended up making friends with her cat.

  • That's not a pun. I'm talking about her literal actual animal.

  • And she said: Wow! My cat never likes anyone.

  • I better go out and buy a wedding dress.

  • And again, I felt like I got some serious perspective.

  • I have been guilty of making these kinds of jokes on dates with men.

  • I never really thought anything of it. I was just being silly!

  • But then when I was on the receiving end of it, I suddenly understood the panic.

  • And finally, Exhibit C : One girl invited me back into her house and her specific words were: Do you...wanna come in and make out?

  • Obviously, I'm like, yeah, you're really pretty. I want to press my face to yours.

  • But then when we got there, we both just sat on the couch and she talked until like... 3 a.m.

  • And I was like yo girl, I gotta wake up at like 6 a.m.

  • I was told there would be kisses here, there are no kisses.

  • And like look, I don't want to sound like an asshole.

  • Like I don't mind talking, I love talking.

  • But she could have said : Do you wanna come in and just talk?

  • And I would have had totally different expectations for the evening, you know?

  • Finally I started falling asleep and I was like, hey, I gotta go and I gave her one kiss and...and left.

  • And I felt sad that the amount of kisses promised did not equal the amount of kisses delivered.

  • And once again, I felt like a dude who was upset that I did not receive the expected physical kisses I was promised.

  • And I wanted to talk about this because I felt like this has really been expanding my perspective when it comes to dating.

  • I finally understand a lot of the complaints my male friends have about dating that, I admit, I would usually dismiss.

  • But now I really get it when they say: Dating is just so expensive, man.

  • Sometimes I feel like that girl doesn't even like me for me.

  • She just wants like, a boyfriend.

  • I wish it were more socially expected to go dutch on the first few dates.

  • But you're like a jerk if you even suggest it.

  • And any experience that expands your compassion and understanding is one that I think is worthy of sharing.

  • So what about you? Have you had any experiences that have shifted your viewpoint dramatically? Let me know.

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So as you may remember, I came out as bisexual last year.

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Dating women made me understand men

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    ayami posted on 2019/07/31
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