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  • 20 Signs you are Emotionally Mature

  • 1. You realise that most of the bad behaviour of other people really comes down to fear

  • and anxiety - rather than, as it is generally easier to presume, nastiness or idiocy. You

  • loosen your hold on self-righteousness and stop thinking of the world as populated by

  • either monsters or fools. It makes things less black and white at first, but in time,

  • a great deal more interesting.

  • 2. You learn that what is in your head can't automatically be understood by other people.

  • You realise that, unfortunately, you will have to articulate your intentions and feelings

  • with the use of words - and can't fairly blame others for not getting what you mean

  • until you've spoken calmly and clearly.

  • 3. You learn that - remarkably - you do sometimes get things wrong. With huge courage, you take

  • your first faltering steps towards (once in a while) apologising.

  • 4. You learn to be confident not by realising that you're great, but by learning that

  • everyone else is just as stupid, scared and lost as you are. We're all making it up

  • as we go along, and that's fine.

  • 5. You forgive your parents because you realise that they didn't put you on this earth in

  • order to insult you. They were just painfully out of their depth and struggling with demons

  • of their own. Anger turns, at points, to pity and compassion.

  • 6. You learn the enormous influence of so-called 'small' things on mood: bed-times, blood

  • sugar and alcohol levels, degrees of background stress etc. And as a result, you learn never

  • to bring up an important, contentious issue with a loved one until everyone is well rested,

  • no one is drunk, you've had some food, nothing else is alarming you and you aren't rushing

  • to catch a train.

  • 7. You give up sulking. If someone hurts you, you don't store up the hatred and the hurt

  • for days. You remember you'll be dead soon. You don't expect others to know what's

  • wrong. You tell them straight and if they get it, you forgive them. And if they don't,

  • in a different way, you forgive them too.

  • 8. You cease to believe in perfection in pretty much every area. There aren't any perfect

  • people, perfect jobs or perfect lives. Instead, you pivot towards an appreciation of what

  • is (to use the psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott's exemplary phrase) 'good enough.' You realise

  • that many things in your life are at once quite frustrating - and yet, in many ways,

  • eminently good enough.

  • 9. You learn the virtues of being a little more pessimistic about how things will turn

  • out - and as a result, emerge as a calmer, more patient and more forgiving soul. You

  • lose some of your idealism and become a far less maddening person (less impatient, less

  • rigid, less angry).

  • 10. You learn to see that everyone's weaknesses of character are linked to counter-balancing

  • strengths. Rather than isolating their weaknesses, you look at the whole picture: yes, someone

  • is rather pedantic, but they're also beautifully precise and a rock at times of turmoil. Yes

  • someone is a bit messy, but at the same time brilliantly creative and very visionary. You

  • realise (truly) that perfect people don't exist - and that every strength will be tagged

  • with a weakness.

  • 11. You fall in love a bit less easily. It's difficult, in a way. When you were less mature,

  • you could develop a crush in an instant. Now, you're poignantly aware that everyone, however

  • externally charming or accomplished, would be a bit of a pain from close up. You develop

  • loyalty to what you already have.

  • 12. You learn that you are - rather surprisingly - quite a difficult person to live with. You

  • shed some of your earlier sentimentality towards yourself. You go into friendships and relationships

  • offering others kindly warnings of how and when you might prove a challenge.

  • 13. You learn to forgive yourself for your errors and foolishness. You realise the unfruitful

  • self-absorption involved in simply flogging yourself for past misdeeds. You become more

  • of a friend to yourself. Of course you're an idiot, but you're still a loveable one,

  • as we all are.

  • 14. You learn that part of what maturity involves is making peace with the stubbornly child-like

  • bits of you that will always remain. You cease trying to be a grown up at every occasion.

  • You accept that we all have our regressive moments - and when the inner two year old

  • you rears its head, you greet them generously and give them the attention they need.

  • 15. You cease to put too much hope in grand plans for the kind of happiness you expect

  • can last for years. You celebrate the little things that go well. You realise that satisfaction

  • comes in increments of minutes. You're delighted if one day passes by without too much bother.

  • You take a greater interest in flowers and in the evening sky. You develop a taste for

  • small pleasures.

  • 16. What people in general think of you ceases to be such a concern. You realise the minds

  • of others are muddled places and you don't try so hard to polish your image in everyone

  • else's eyes. What counts is that you and one or two others are OK with you being you.

  • You give up on fame and start to rely on love.

  • 17. You get better at hearing feedback. Rather than assuming that anyone who criticises you

  • is either trying to humiliate you or is making a mistake, you accept that maybe it would

  • be an idea to take a few things on board. You start to see that you can listen to a

  • criticism and survive it - without having to put on your armour and deny there was ever

  • a problem.

  • 18. You realise the extent to which you tend to live, day by day, in too great a proximity

  • to certain of your problems and issues. You remember - more and more - that you need to

  • get perspective on things that pain you. You take more walks in nature, you might get a

  • pet (they don't fret like we do) and you appreciate the distant galaxies above us in

  • the night sky.

  • 19. You recognise how your distinctive past colours your response to events - and learn

  • to compensate for the distortions that result. You accept that, because of how your childhood

  • went, you have a predisposition to exaggerate in certain areas. You become suspicious of

  • your own first impulses around particular topics. You realise - sometimes - not to go

  • with your feelings.

  • 20. When you start a friendship, you realise that other people don't principally want

  • to know your good news, so much as gain an insight into what troubles and worries you,

  • so that they can in turn feel less lonely with the pains of their own hearts. You become

  • a better friend because you see that what friendship is really about is a sharing of

  • vulnerability.

  • Our Emotional Barometer is a tool to help us more clearly explain our moods. Click the link on screen now to find out more.

20 Signs you are Emotionally Mature

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B1 UK realise forgive cease mature accept perfect

20 Signs You're Emotionally Mature

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    王詩雯 posted on 2019/07/11
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