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  • Yeah, totally holding in a fart right now.

  • I don't remember what you look like?

  • I am pretending to be busy, but I am literally Instagram stalking you.

  • You don't edit your photos.

  • You do.

  • Doing my job.

  • Oh, um, ordering something that makes me sound feminine, yet, strong.

  • Um, ordering something I memorized years ago to make a good first impression.

  • Call back to a conversation we had online.

  • Oh, quick comment, to let you know I'm on board.

  • Standard question about your life.

  • Ah... generic answer, trying to hide my crazy.

  • A thing that worked with other guys.

  • Things that worked with other girls.

  • Oh, thing that worked with other guys.

  • Thing that some girls actually like.

  • Controversial joke to test the waters.

  • Negative reaction; shutting this down.

  • Being nice to the wait staff.

  • Not noted.

  • Awkward silence.

  • Talking about the menu...

  • To avoid silence...

  • Or ongoing conversations...

  • - about our actual lives. - about our actual lives.

  • That's what I was going to say!

  • (laughter)

  • Hey, I'm going to take the biggest poop I possibly can and tell you it was a pee.

  • I'm going to text all my friends and let them know this could be going better.

  • Lie about how long that line was.

  • Actually checking myself in the reverse camera.

  • Hey, a joke at my own expense.

  • Teasing with humor.

  • Self parodying with humor.

  • I am touching you right now to let you know that this is back on track.

  • Oh, geez...

  • Trying to be valiant.

  • I am mortified, but I'm playing it off as adorkable!

  • Realizing I am touching your leg and...

  • - sexual joke. - sexual joke.

  • Different sexual joke.

  • Trying to keep this energy going.

  • Letting my guard down.

  • Comfortable silence.

  • Sexual silence.

  • Okay.

  • A reference to how much food is still on my plate.

  • A reference to how much food is still on my plate.

  • Because we are not comfortable eating in front of each other yet.

  • Showing my protector quality, and financial stability.

  • Accepting this general because it benefits me.

  • Texting my friends to let them know that I like you.

  • Thinking about our future?

  • Yeah.

  • (farts)

  • (farts)

Yeah, totally holding in a fart right now.

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B1 INT US BuzzFeed joke silence sexual ordering humor

If First Dates Were Honest

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    Ginger Liu   posted on 2019/03/29
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