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  • (beep)

  • - Which crypt monster would you be most willing to 69?

  • - Do you count?

  • (rock music)

  • - Hello, Glam-Jammers!

  • Welcome back to my awesome YouTube show about me!

  • Did you guys click like yet?

  • Click that bell, too, right, subscribe.

  • And we're all good, and we're all clear?

  • You clicked all the buttons?

  • Okay, good.

  • Thank you so much, I love you.

  • By the way, what is love?

  • A good friend Shakespeare once said

  • something about it, I'm sure,

  • but I was pretty drunk (burps) that whole century.

  • (flames roaring)

  • Maybe I've never been in love,

  • but I do know some truly terrible ways

  • to show someone you love them.

  • Greeting cards.

  • Here you go, read what someone else wrote

  • and then I sign my name on it in a Walgreens parking lot.

  • A box of chocolates.

  • Really looking forward to biting into a dozen

  • garbage candies to find the two worth eating.

  • Balloons!

  • Yeah, it's just gonna slowly float around your living room,

  • get caught in a fan, deflate one day

  • and then choke your dog to death.

  • Constantly posting about it on social media.

  • Yeah, if you're constantly posting pictures of you

  • and your significant other, you guys are definitely

  • going to break up with six months

  • or you already resent each other.

  • You know, get a life, and have some privacy

  • for crying out loud.

  • (beep)

  • I have a very special guest today

  • who's going to teach me a little something about love.

  • (claps) To the bedroom!

  • (violin music)

  • Oh my god, now we're in my bedroom.

  • Can you (beep) believe it?

  • Please welcome my guest, Miss Vienna Lamp.

  • (claps)

  • - Not it, close, though.

  • - What was your name again?

  • - Leanna Vamp.

  • - So who turned ya?

  • - Nobody.

  • - You're just Leanna Vamp?

  • - Yeah, or, what did you call me?

  • - Vienna Lamp.

  • - Vienna Lamp, no, not that one.

  • - My intern must have gotten that wrong.

  • I created a lamp cosplay.

  • - She's a host of a lot of television shows.

  • We've got a couple big hosts sitting

  • on this very same bed right now.

  • - Mm hmm, me and you?

  • - Yeah.

  • Are you scared?

  • - Not really.

  • - You can do anything you want to me

  • with any of those things.

  • (whip cracks)

  • - Maybe later.

  • - You can throw a dildo at my face.

  • I dare you.

  • - I don't want to hurt you.

  • - I want you to hurt me, I like it.

  • - No, maybe later.

  • - Have you ever been in love?

  • - Yeah.

  • - Yeah?

  • - Yeah.

  • - Well, now we're onto something.

  • How many times have you been in love?

  • - Once, with my husband?

  • - Oh my god, you're married?

  • - Yeah.

  • - Well, that adds up.

  • - Yep.

  • - You look great.

  • - Thanks.

  • (claps)

  • (laughs)

  • - Now what about me?

  • - You look beautiful.

  • Am I clapping too? (claps)

  • - Stop it, stop it.

  • Come on, stop it, stop it.

  • (beep)

  • - Leeanna.

  • - Yes ma'am.

  • - Are you ready to play a nasty little game called Glamazon?

  • Where I go through your Amazon purchases?

  • - I think so?

  • - Yeah?

  • - Yeah.

  • - Well, it doesn't matter if you are or not

  • because I'm about to start

  • and you already signed a deal with the devil.

  • (sultry music)

  • - Are you sure you're not a vampire?

  • - Maybe.

  • - She is, okay.

  • - (laughs)

  • - We have unfinished wood coffin makeup.

  • I was right.

  • - Coffin boxes.

  • - Coffin boxes?

  • - Yeah, they're like little boxes, you put things in them.

  • - What do you put in them?

  • - I put jewelry in them.

  • - Yeah, right.

  • You rip off people's fingernails and stick them in there.

  • - I put people's eyeballs in them.

  • - Yes, you heard it here!

  • She has little coffins full of eyeballs.

  • - Yep, yep.

  • - Wiccapedia, W-I-C-C-A pedia

  • as in, you're a witch too?

  • - Um, I dabble.

  • - You dabble?

  • Do a spell on me right now!

  • - It doesn't work that way.

  • - What!

  • Yes, I have met lots of witches.

  • - It's too much pressure right now.

  • - This is your moment.

  • Turn me into a duck or something.

  • - I think you're perfect the way that you are, though.

  • I don't want to mess with that.

  • - Oh my god, shut the (beep) up.

  • - (laughs)

  • - Alright, we have

  • another inflatable coffin, what do you put in that?

  • - When I swim.

  • - When you swim?

  • - I swim with the coffin.

  • - Oh my- intern! (snaps)

  • I need one of those.

  • That is very chic, I love inflatables.

  • - It's Amazon Prime, too, it'll get to you in two days.

  • - I don't do my own anything.

  • - Nylon gloves, to cover your tracks

  • when you sneak into people's bedrooms,

  • suck blood out of their necks,

  • and turn them into one of you.

  • - Yeah.

  • - One of your people.

  • - Don't want to leave any evidence behind.

  • - Please tell me who turned you.

  • - Nobody did.

  • - Are you

  • the baby from (beep) the Kristen Stewart one? (laughs)

  • - Oh, no!

  • Twilight?

  • - Yeah!

  • - You better hold on tight, spider monkey.

  • - No more panty lines?

  • - You know that.

  • Don't talk to me like you don't know that.

  • - I never wear underwear.

  • - Oh, okay, well then you don't know that.

  • - Well, what are they?

  • - They're underwear that have no lines.

  • - Where do you stick 'em?

  • - You stick it here, and then it-

  • - You have to show me.

  • So if I were to-

  • - You stick it here.

  • - Where?

  • - Right here.

  • Right here, probably right here.

  • That's a little high.

  • - If you stick it right here, what's that doing?

  • - You stick the front, goes up, down and around,

  • and you stick the back up there

  • - It's here?

  • - And you stick it to the back.

  • Yeah, just like that.

  • - Is that the asshole part?

  • The little circle?

  • - It's the- above

  • the buttcrack part.

  • - I do not understand this device.

  • Moving on!

  • - Yeah.

  • - Films, we got shoes, boring, boring, boring.

  • - Shoes are not boring.

  • Do you see these?

  • These are not boring.

  • (heavenly music)

  • - Okay, those are actually really good shoes.

  • Girl.

  • Where'd you get those?

  • - Jeffrey Campbell.

  • - I (beep) him once.

  • - Did you get some free shoes?

  • - No.

  • - That's unfortunate.

  • - A whoopie cushion!

  • (fart sound)

  • - I like to play pranks on people, too.

  • - You're so mischievous.

  • "The Highly Sensitive Person"

  • How to...

  • This is a book.

  • Are you sensitive?

  • - I am.

  • - Are you in therapy?

  • - No, are you?

  • - Yeah.

  • I have the same therapist as Lady Gaga.

  • - Do you really?

  • - She was.

  • - She's dead?

  • - Well, she told me something I didn't like about myself.

  • So, (slicing sound) she had to go.

  • - I like you very much.

  • I think you're great.

  • - Thank you.

  • - You're welcome.

  • And I'm not just saying that so you don't

  • (clicks tongue) me.

  • - I could never.

  • - Why?

  • - Because you're a (beep) vampire!

  • - Oh, that's true.

  • - I don't have any stakes in here.

  • - That's true.

  • (laser sounds)

  • (whispers) She wasn't prepared.

  • - We're done with this game.

  • - Okay, good.

  • - But we're not done with games in general, my friend.

  • So don't get it (beep) twisted.

  • Cuz we're about to play Truth or Scare.

  • - (nervously) Uhh...

  • - So you have to tell me the truth about something, or

  • (clicks tongue)

  • Nah, I'm just kidding.

  • - Oh.

  • - I'm just going to text somebody in your phone

  • something you don't want me to text.

  • (creepy music)

  • Are you ready for Truth or Scare?

  • - I am not ready, but I think-

  • - Tough shit.

  • - You're going to go anyway!

  • - If you could have a threesome with me

  • and one other person, who would it be?

  • - My husband.

  • - Really?

  • - Yeah.

  • - Okay.

  • Intern, pull up my iCal!

  • - We can make time for you like, next week.

  • - I usually don't like to be pushed aside,

  • but I understand, you know.

  • - I appreciate you being flexible.