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  • OzOz

  • 'Chapter one. She adored London,

  • 'a city as passionate and beautiful as she was.

  • 'No, too derivative. Chapter one... '

  • 'As far back as I can remember,

  • 'I've wanted to be a graphic artist.

  • 'And one day soon, I will be.'

  • 'I'm Tim. I'm 27 and I'm single.

  • 'I haven't always been.

  • 'My five-year relationship ended really badly.

  • 'I'm over it now, though.'

  • 'The city. London. Londinium.

  • 'That's just shit.'

  • 'This is Daisy, my flatmate and my friend.

  • 'She wants to be a writer.

  • 'But basically I think she's as confused as me.

  • 'She's away, travelling around Asia.

  • 'She wanted to go and find herself.

  • 'I hope she does.'

  • 'She got some money after she sold a few articles.

  • 'About £400, actually. Her auntie gave her the rest.

  • 'This is Brian. He lives downstairs.

  • 'He's an artist.

  • 'Sort of.'

  • 'London was her place - definite and focused, like her mind.

  • 'The home of her triumphs and tragedies.'

  • 'This is Mike.'

  • 'He's my best friend.

  • 'Mike's just got back into the Territorial Army.

  • 'He got chucked when he nicked a tank and tried to invade Paris.

  • - 'He's much better now though.' - Yes !

  • 'It was a city that loved her,

  • 'cared for her, never judged her.'

  • 'This is Twist, Daisy's best friend.

  • 'Although I'm not entirely sure why. I haven't figured her out just yet.

  • 'She's either sweet and stupid or an evil genius.

  • 'Either way, she's sleeping with Brian and she works in fashion.

  • 'Apparently.'

  • I've got an idea, why don't... !

  • 'This is Marsha. That was her daughter, Amber.

  • 'Marsha's our landlady. As far as she knows,

  • Fuck off !

  • 'This is our baby... Dog, sorry. His name's Colin.

  • 'This is our home. We've lived here for about a year.'

  • 'As much as she travelled the world,

  • 'it was the city of London she longed for.

  • 'The home of her passions, her adventures, her friends.

  • 'This was their flat and it always would be.'

  • Hello ! Hello ! Tim !

  • I'm home !

  • Hello ! Hello !

  • Welcome... God, it's...

  • Hello !

  • Enough.

  • So how are you ? How was Asia ?

  • It was great. I had a wonderful time.

  • It was like, you know, being in another country.

  • It was a different world, another universe.

  • I feel very Zen. Very different.

  • I don't know where to start.

  • Near the end ?

  • Where's Colin ?

  • Ah, erm...

  • Oh, you bastard.

  • He's upstairs with Marsha.

  • Is he all right ?

  • He's fine. I'm sure he's fine.

  • Check out the tan.

  • Yeah, you look like Pocahontas.

  • Thank you very much, Casper.

  • - You know, the ghost. - Oh, right.

  • So how are you, then, you big bloody man ?

  • I'm good. I'm good. I've had a few things to work through.

  • - With Sarah ? - No, with George Lucas.

  • (# Star Wars theme)

  • Tim, it's been over a year.

  • It's been 18 months, Daisy.

  • And it still hurts.

  • I didn't think Phantom Menace was that bad.

  • It's nice to see you, Mike. What've you been up to ?

  • I'm in the quarterfinals of Robot Wars.

  • Wow !

  • But I've had to move out of Mum's place.

  • - Really ? - Things have been a bit... difficult.

  • She's been very overbearing and I felt suffocated.

  • I've got a lot to offer the world,

  • and my mum's not ready to accept that yet.

  • - Right. - And I shot the cat up the asshole.

  • Right.

  • Well, we'll have to have a party at your flat.

  • Yeah... Actually, Daisy, he's staying here. I spoke to Marsha.

  • She said, "The more the merrier."

  • As far as she knows, he's staying in the spare room.

  • Oh, right. Oh... my room.

  • - Yeah. - I see.

  • Sorry to spring this on you, he had nowhere to go.

  • - There was a bed going, so... - It's fine. Fine.

  • Hope you haven't made too much of a mess.

  • He'll be on the sofa by tonight.

  • Fine ! It's fine. It's fine.

  • I've been sleeping rough for two months.

  • Another night's not gonna kill me.

  • Let's see your photos.

  • No need for photos. Welcome to the 21st century.

  • I got this cheap in Singapore. Here we go.

  • I've got three two-hour tapes. I just couldn't stop filming.

  • I'm thinking about going into documentary filmmaking.

  • Travelogues. A Michael Palin for the millennium.

  • I could use this as a pilot. See what you think.

  • See what you think.

  • 'Hello and welcome to Bangkok.'

  • Yell if you get bored.

  • 'I've been here for about four days. It's really early... '

  • - Who is it ? - It's Daisy.

  • Hello, you.

  • - Hi. - Go there.

  • - D'you want some tea ? - Yes, please.

  • I got you some lapsang souchong because I knew you were coming back.

  • Thanks.

  • Did you have a great time ?

  • Yes. Yes, I did. It was amazing.

  • Incredible, you know. So many different places and...

  • Is everything all right ?

  • - Yes ! Why ? - You seem different.

  • I feel different, Daisy.

  • - Are you on Prozac ? - No.

  • I'm just... I don't know... I'm enjoying life

  • - and it's thanks... to you. - Really ?

  • It's because of you I met Twist.

  • I can't believe I was single for so long.

  • Loooooove is a beautiful thing, Daisy.

  • You should try it !

  • You two having fun, are you ?

  • Well, Brian. I'm very happy for you.

  • Oooooh !

  • Aaaaah !

  • Eeeee !

  • - Ow ! - Is this a new one ?

  • - No, same one. - 0ur one ?

  • Yeah.

  • - Hello ! - Marsha.

  • Shit !

  • - Hello, kitten. Welcome home ! - Hello !

  • Hello, baby. How are you ? How's he been ? Has he missed me ?

  • He's fine. I had a bloke come and put a dog flap out the back.

  • He loves it. He's never in.

  • That's cos Mummy's been away. But she's back now, isn't she ?

  • In your basket.

  • Oooh.

  • Well, come in. Come and sit down.

  • Hello, you two.

  • Nice to have you back, Daisy.

  • I've got you something.

  • Oh ! Duty free ! How did you know ?

  • - How was it, kitten ? Was it magic ? - Oh, yes. It was.

  • I just feel energised, you know.

  • I feel creative. I feel absolutely good.

  • Did you behave yourself ?

  • What d'you mean ?

  • Well, you know.

  • Young woman away on her own without her beau.

  • Never know what might happen.

  • Half a bottle of ouzo destructo and ooh, the regret.

  • I didn't actually go to Greece, I went to Asia.

  • I know. No, I was just saying.

  • I trust you didn't play away.

  • Oooooh.

  • Well, there was... There was one guy.

  • Go on.

  • 'He was called Steven.

  • 'I met him at the airport on the way home.

  • 'Nothing happened, just...

  • 'He was really sweet.'

  • Ah, did he remind you of Tim ?

  • Er, no. Not really.

  • 'We just sort of found each other.

  • 'Kindred spirits.

  • 'You know...

  • 'We talked for ages about everything. It was great.

  • 'He was so easy-going.

  • 'I met a lot of really annoying idiots on holiday.

  • 'Going on and on, but Steven just seemed...

  • 'different.

  • 'I don't know. He made me feel relaxed. At ease.

  • 'Like I could be myself.

  • 'What can I say ? He was like... a real gentleman.'

  • - So what happened ? - I don't know.

  • 'We were at arrivals, just chatting.

  • 'We were even gonna share a cab and he just vanished.

  • 'I must have lost him in the crowd.'

  • Oh, well. You know what they say,

  • why go out for hamburger when you can have steak at home ?

  • Get off me, you bummer.

  • Oh, there she is, duchess of the D grade.

  • Doing her A Levels, bless her.

  • Where the fuck have you been ?

  • I don't mind you staying out late, but at least you could phone.

  • Right, I'm off.

  • Hang on, I've got something else.

  • - It's video footage of me. - Oh, good.

  • Just see what you think.

  • It's nice to have you back safe, Daisy. You look really well.

  • A lot of people LOSE weight when they're travelling.

  • - You all right ? - Yeah.

  • I just feel a bit weird. That's all.

  • This time yesterday, I was in Delhi.

  • - Oooh ! - The most magical city in India.

  • Probably the world... and now I'm just back in London.

  • Where nothing ever happens.

  • It's not here.

  • We have the wrong bag ?

  • Look.

  • Daisy Steiner, 23 Meteor Street,

  • Tufnell Park.

  • What do you want to do ?

  • Get the car.

  • - Look. - Look.

  • Kick-slam.

  • Come on, Daisy. Why don't you come and have a fight ?

  • No.

  • Suit yourself.

  • Can't we go down the pub ?

  • The pub ?

  • I REALLY want to go.

  • I fancy a pint of Guinness and some salt and vinegar crisps.

  • I'm jet-lagged and I don't want to fall asleep.

  • Daisy ! Coming ?

  • Yeah, just give me a second.

  • I'm wearing nothing at all.

  • What are you wearing ?

  • Ooh, Prada.

  • What's Prada ?

  • - Is he coming ? - I left him a note.

  • Right, you can buy the first round.

  • - I've only got rupees. - God, all right.

  • - Mike can get the first round. - What ?

  • I just want to have a nice, relaxing day.

  • - Yes ? - Daisy Steiner ?

  • Yes.

  • - Are you Daisy Steiner ? - No.

  • Do you know where she is ?

  • - No. - Do you know where she is ?

  • Why ?

  • Miss Steiner is under suspicion of bringing a bag

  • containing sensitive materials into the country.

  • Sensitive...

  • Can you tell us where she is, Mr Topp ?

  • How do you know my name ?

  • It's written on the doorbell.

  • Oh, right.

  • Where is she, Brian ?

  • Brian isn't on the doorbell.

  • - Where is she ? - Er...

  • What pub ?

  • Right, I'm off to point the pink pistol

  • at the porcelain firing range.

  • 0i oi.

  • Come on, Daisy. It can't be that bad being back.

  • I'm fine. I was really looking forward to coming back.

  • Seeing everybody.