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  • REPORT.

  • SO MANY THINGS TO SHARE.

  • STARTING WITH THE BATTLE ROYALE

  • BETWEEN DONALD TRUMP AND NANCY

  • PELOSI.

  • I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON

  • IN YOUR LIVES, BUT YOU MAY KNOW

  • TRUMP WAS SUPPOSED TO GIVE THE

  • STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS ON

  • TUESDAY, AND NANCY PELOSI SHUT

  • THAT DOWN IN WHAT MANY ARE

  • DESCRIBING AS AN EMBARRASSING

  • LOSS FOR OUR EMBARRASSING

  • PRESIDENT, SO HE WILL NOT GIVE

  • THE STATE OF THE UNION OR

  • TUESDAY.

  • INSTEAD, HE'LL HAVE THE NIGHT

  • FREE TO EAT CHEESEBURGERS AND

  • WATCH AN ALL NEW EPISODE OF

  • LINDSAY LOHAN'S BEACH CLUB.

  • PELOSI GOT THE BEST OF HIM.

  • USUALLY WHEN TRUMP BENDS OVER

  • FOR A WOMAN LIKE THAT, IT'S

  • BECAUSE SHE'S SPANKING HIM WITH

  • A MAGAZINE WITH HIS FACE ON IT.

  • THIS WASN'T AS MUCH FUN.

  • IT WASN'T THE KIND OF COVERAGE

  • THE PRESIDENT LIKES.

  • HE LIKES TO WIN.

  • SO TO CHANGE THE NARRATIVE, I

  • GUESS, HE HELD AN IMPROMPTU

  • PRESS CONFERENCE FROM THE

  • CABINET ROOM TO WARN US ABOUT

  • YET ANOTHER CARAVAN.

  • >> YOU CANNOT HAVE BORDER

  • SECURITY WITHOUT A WALL.

  • WE CAN PLAY GAMES AND TALK ABOUT

  • TECHNOLOGY AND DRONES FLYING

  • AROUND.

  • YOU KNOW, RIGHT NOW, FORMED IS

  • AN 8,000-PERSON CARAVAN.

  • I WOULDN'T SAY TIJUANA'S TOO

  • HAPPY, BUT THEY'RE HAPPILY

  • LIVING IN TIJUANA.

  • >> Jimmy: YEAH, AND THEY'RE

  • RIDING CHUPACABRAS.

  • WHEN REPORTERS ASKED HIM WHO HE

  • BLAMES FOR THIS MESS, YOU'RE NOT

  • GOING TO BELIEVE WHO HE BLAMES.

  • >> ONE OF THE PEOPLE I BLAME IS

  • MYSELF, BECAUSE THE ECONOMY IS

  • SO STRONG RIGHT NOW, STRONGER

  • THAN EVER BEFORE.

  • TODAY, TODAY, RIGHT NOW, WE HAVE

  • MORE PEOPLE WORKING IN THE

  • UNITED STATES THAN HAS EVER

  • WORKED IN THIS COUNTRY BEFORE.

  • THAT'S A GREAT COMPLIMENT.

  • SO I BLAME MYSELF, OKAY?

  • >> Jimmy: WAIT A MAINUTE.

  • IT DIDN'T SOUND LIKE YOU WERE

  • BLAMING YOURSELF AT ALL.

  • IT SOUNDED LIKE BRAGGING.

  • BUT I'LL FIX THAT STATEMENT FOR

  • YOU.

  • >> I BLAME MYSELF.

  • >> Jimmy: THERE YOU GO, FIX IT.

  • SO NOW WE'RE AT DAY 34 OF THE

  • GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN.

  • TODAY THE SENATE REJECTED NOT

  • ONE BUT TWO PLANS TO END IT.

  • PEOPLE ARE UPSET.

  • IN KENTUCKY YESTERDAY FEDERAL

  • WORKERS SHOWED UP TO PROTEST AT

  • SENATOR MITCH McCONNELL'S

  • OFFICE.

  • IT WAS A TOTAL MITCH HUNT.

  • THIS IS A DISASTER FOR TRUMP,

  • BECAUSE THE MAJORITY OF

  • AMERICANS BLAME HIM FOR THE

  • SHUTDOWN, MOSTLY BECAUSE HE WAS

  • DUMB ENOUGH TO SAY I WILL TAKE

  • THE BLAME FOR THE SHUTDOWN.

  • HIS SYCOPHANTS AREN'T HELPING,

  • THE BLUE RIBBON WINNING WILBUR

  • RAISE WAS ON CNBC OFFERING HIS

  • ADVICE.

  • >> THERE ARE REPORTS THAT THERE

  • ARE SOME FEDERAL WORKERS GOING

  • TO HOMELESS SHELTERS TO GET

  • FOOD.

  • >> WELL, I KNOW THEY ARE, AND I

  • DON'T REALLY QUITE UNDERSTAND

  • WHY, BECAUSE, AS I MENTIONED

  • BEFORE, THE OBLIGATIONS THAT

  • THEY WOULD UNDERTAKE, SAY

  • BORROWING FROM A BANK OR CREDIT

  • UNION ARE IN EFFECT FEDERALLY

  • GUARANTEED.

  • SO THE 30 DAYS OF PAY THAT SOME

  • PEOPLE WILL BE OUT, THERE'S NO

  • REAL REASON WHY THEY SHOULDN'T

  • BE ABLE TO GET A LOAN AGAINST

  • IT.

  • >> Jimmy: WELL, THANKS, DROOPY.

  • CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET A LOAN?

  • I THINK IS THE MESSAGE THERE.

  • ONE OF THE AGENCIES WORKING

  • WITHOUT PAY IS THE SECRET

  • SERVICE.

  • AND SOME AGENTS ARE VENTING

  • THEIR FRUSTRATION IN A CREATIVE

  • WAY.

  • REMEMBER THE SECRET SERVICE ARE

  • PASSING AROUND COINS, CHALLENGE

  • COINS TO BOOST MORALE.

  • THIS IS THE FRONT OF THE COIN,

  • SAYS UNITED STATES SECRET

  • SERVICE, ESSENTIAL PERSONNEL.

  • ON THE BACK IT SAYS DON'T WORRY,

  • YOU'LL GET BACK PAY IN QUOTES,

  • AND OPEN, CLOSED.

  • THIS IS A NICE DETAIL.

  • ZOOM IN THERE, BECAUSE THEY PUT

  • A PACIFIER ON THE COIN IN CASE

  • YOU'RE WONDERING WHAT THE SECRET

  • SERVICE THINKS OF THE

  • 72-YEAR-OLD BABY THEY'RE SWORN

  • TO TAKE A BULLET FOR.

  • AND WHILE OUR POLITICIANS ARE

  • PLA

  • PLAYING PING-PONG, 800,000

  • WORKERS AREN'T GETTING PAID.

  • EVERY NIGHT WE'VE BEEN GIVING A

  • JOB TO AN UNPAID WORKER, LET'S

  • GIVE A WELCOME TO NAVY VETERAN

  • VERONICA ALLEN.

  • WHAT IS IT EXACTLY THAT YOU DO?

  • >> I WORK FOR THE U.S. FOREST

  • SERVICE.

  • >> Jimmy: WHAT IS YOUR JOB?

  • >> I AM THE ADMIN SUPPORT

  • ASSISTANT.

  • >> Jimmy: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

  • >> WE HANDLE ALL THE CLERICAL,

  • PAPERWORK, HIRING.

  • >> Jimmy: ALL THE HIRING OF

  • WHOM?

  • >> OUR SEASONALS AND

  • FIREFIGHTERS.

  • >> Jimmy: THESE ARE THE PEOPLE

  • WHO GO OUT AND FIGHT THE

  • WILDFIRES?

  • >> YES.

  • >> Jimmy: IS IT TRUE IF WE RAKE

  • THE FORESTS WE WON'T NEED THOSE

  • PEOPLE.

  • >> WE'RE NOT HIRING.

  • >> Jimmy: WE NEVER HAVE PROBLEMS

  • WITH FIRES IN CALIFORNIA.

  • >> NOT IN CALIFORNIA, NO.

  • >> Jimmy: HOW MANY CHILDREN DO

  • YOU HAVE?

  • >> I HAVE THREE.

  • >> Jimmy: SO YOU NEED THE

  • PAYCHECK.

  • >> I DO.

  • >> Jimmy: HAVE YOU EVER WORKED A

  • CAMERA BEFORE, A TELEVISION

  • CAMERA?

  • >> NO.

  • >> Jimmy: IT'S LIKE AN I PHONE

  • THAT WEIGHS 400 POUNDS.

  • >> OKAY.

  • >> Jimmy: SO PARKER, WHERE'S, SO

  • BEHIND THAT, YEAH, GO RIGHT

  • THERE, AND PARKER'S GOING TO

  • SHOW YOU, RIGHT BEHIND THE

  • CAMERA, HOW TO WORK IT.

  • [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

  • JUST SHOW HER HOW TO DO IT.

  • YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO, I'M

  • EITHER GOING TO HAVE TO DO THIS.

  • I CAN'T DO THE WHOLE SHOW LIKE

  • THIS, VERONICA, WE'RE GOING TO

  • HAVE TO GO UP SOME, OKAY?

  • ALL RIGHT, OKAY.

REPORT.

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B1 US JimmyKimmel jimmy secret service blame shutdown service

Trump Blames Himself for Government Shutdown

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