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  • I know what you're thinking.

  • You're thinking that right now I'm on the set of Westworld

  • or J.J. Abrams' latest sci-fi futuristic concoction,

  • but no.

  • I'm at the Toto Toilet showroom in Tokyo.

  • Joining me right now is a huge fan of Japanese toilets.

  • He's talked about them quite a bit over the years.

  • Jordan Schlansky.

  • Jordan, tell me, what is it about Toto Japanese toilets

  • that you love so much?

  • I love any toilet bowl that washes your anus.

  • People wash every other part of their body

  • that is never as dirty with soap and water,

  • but the anus, they say, don't worry about it,

  • just use this paper.

  • I just don't understand.

  • Even while the rest of the world washes the anus,

  • the United States sits back and says, no, we're okay,

  • because a little piece of paper does just as good a job.

  • Now I ask you, you're a proud American,

  • are you confident in the cleanliness of your anus?

  • That's the most patriotic speech,

  • I've heard any American give in a long time.

  • Meet Mr. Kuwahara.

  • You--hi. You work here.

  • Oh hi.

  • I already did.

  • Just do it again.

  • Oh, look at that.

  • My friend is only interested--

  • what happened?

  • Oh it sterilized--I thought...

  • I thought it was making a point of some kind.

  • You're welcome to speak anytime.

  • My friend only wishes a toilet with washing capabilities.

  • I don't believe washing one's anus should be a luxury.

  • I believe washing one's anus is a right, not a privilege.

  • Yeah. John F. Kennedy, I think said,

  • we have the right and privilege,

  • but you've taken that and probably elevated it.

  • How does the stream of water know how to hit its mark?

  • The average anus point.

  • But what if someone was outside the average?

  • Mine is more here.

  • We don't know what happened,

  • but it drifted and it's here now.

  • I'm sort of, like this.

  • I think it's barbaric that we have to go to the toilet.

  • I think the toilet should come to us.

  • It comes and finds me when it's time.

  • And it just nudges me like a dog

  • And I'm like, what the, hey, he's right and then I go.

  • This idea is my gift to Toto.

  • Thank you.

  • So it agrees that it's a good idea. Yes.

  • They're--I'm telling you, they're thinking!

  • They're thinking!

  • When you leave at night,

  • these toilets all have adventures.

  • You have no idea what they're doing.

  • Do you ever get a celebrity voice?

  • Because I could be a voice of a new toilet.

  • Hello, please have a seat on me.

  • I'm American TV comedian, Conan O'Brien.

  • Oh...you had a pretty big dinner.

  • Easy there, fella.

  • Well, thank god we're done.

  • See you next time.

  • And check me out on TBS, weeknights at 11.

  • Do you have toilets that play music?

  • Do you think it's necessary to--

  • I don't mean to be repetitive

  • but I just want a toilet bowl that is low to the ground

  • and washes the anus.

  • I strongly suspect you're being paid by the Anus Council.

  • You have said the word 600 times.

  • Anus. Anus. Anus.

  • Clean an anus.

  • Anus. Anus. Anus. Anus. Anus. Anus.

  • Washes the anus. Your anus.

  • Anus. The anus. Your anus. My anus. Your anus. Your anus.

  • Your anus. Anuses. Your anus. Your anus. Your anus.

  • The anus. The anus. One's anus. Anus. The anus. The anus.

  • The anus. Dry the anus. Dry the anus. The anus. The anus.

  • Other than the anus. Anus. Anus.

  • How many seconds does it take to clean your anus?

  • How long does this last?

  • Oh I have to stop it.

  • If that was me,

  • my anus would have been destroyed...

  • a long time ago.

  • What's the longest a human has endured?

  • What's the record?

  • Has anyone gone four hours straight,

  • and my second question is, did he survive?

  • And my third question is,

  • why are you letting me ask these questions?

  • Also, apparently, a power surge recently, in Osaka,

  • a man was blasted off the bowl.

  • Sorry, that's insanity, sorry.

  • He was shot into the air.

  • He went out in the sky.

  • Okay. Okay.

  • Let's call the police.

  • This is over.

  • This is ridiculous.

  • Would you like to maybe come get a drink with us?

  • Let's get out of here.

  • Let's go. Come on.

I know what you're thinking.

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C2 US TeamCoco anus toilet toto jordan washing

Conan & Jordan Visit The Toto Toilet Showroom

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    Makoto posted on 2018/12/08
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