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For those who don't already know, I'm British but I've been living in Germany for the past twenty years.
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And I've decided to present ten things about Germany, divided into two lists: a list of five things that I would miss if I had to leave Germany;
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But we'll start with a list of five things I would not miss if I had to leave Germany.
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There are strict laws in Germany about when you are allowed to make a noise, and at what times of day you must shut up.
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I'm all in favour of basic consideration for your neighbours, but surely it doesn't all have to be regulated by law, does it?
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Films and TV shows are dubbed into German.
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Sometimes this works very well.
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Very often, though, it ruins the whole thing.
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Anyone working for a German government agency will treat you with contempt.
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After all, it's not as if you can take your custom elsewhere, so why should they bother trying to make your life happier or less stressful?
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I don't want to give the impression that I'm pining for the 1930s, but just take a look at the current crop of German politicians, and see if you can spot a single ounce of charisma.
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They might come when you're expecting them, but then again they might not. They probably won't.
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But when they do come — if they come — they will at least be wearing bib overalls, so you will never have to see their buttocks, which leads me on to the next list.
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There may be countries that have better public transport systems, but Germany is most definitely up there in the top five.
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Americans may disagree, but for a British person, German ice cream is absolutely fantastic.
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It's creamy! It's flavourful!
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And it's served in fresh wafers, not the stale plastic that I grew up with.
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You can be out in town in the middle of the night, and nobody's going to come and threaten you; unlike in Britain, where there are drunkards on the street everywhere.
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Related to that...
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Okay, so binge drinking is becoming a bit of a problem in some quarters of German society at the moment, but it's nothing like what it is in Britain.
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Generally speaking, you can say that the British drink in order to get as drunk as they possibly can;
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Whereas Germans prefer to stop drinking when they're enjoying themselves, but before they lose the power of rational thought.
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In Germany, cold calling is illegal.
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What more needs to be said?