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  • BETWEEN DONALD TRUMP COZYING UP

  • TO VLADIMIR PUTIN AT YESTERDAY'S

  • SUMMIT AND THE PROTESTS THAT

  • FOLLOW HIM WHEREVER HE GOES,

  • AMERICA'S IMAGE IS TAKING A

  • BEATING ALL OVER THE WORLD.

  • AND YET AMERICA DOESN'T REALLY

  • SEEM TO GIVE A [ BLEEP ].

  • WHAT WE LACK IN DIPLOMACY, WE

  • MAKE UP FOR IN CONFIDENCE.

  • THE U.S. IS BASICALLY THE AGGRO,

  • COKED-UP GUY IN THE BACK WITH

  • AXE BODY SPRAY, SCREAMING ABOUT

  • BITCOIN.

  • AMERICA'S ALWAYS HAD AN

  • UNHEALTHY SENSE OF SELF-WORTH.

  • ONE THAT CROSSES PARTY LINES.

  • >> THIS RIGHT NOW IS THE

  • GREATEST COUNTRY ON EARTH.

  • >> WE LIVE IN THE GREATEST

  • COUNTRY IN THE WORLD.

  • >> YOU PUT YOUR LIFE ON THE LINE

  • TO PROTECT THE GREATEST COUNTRY

  • ON EARTH.

  • >> THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE

  • WORLD, THE UNITED STATES OF

  • AMERICA.

  • >> THIS COUNTRY IS THE GREATEST

  • COUNTRY IN THE WORLD.

  • >> THIS IS THE GREATEST COUNTRY

  • IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND.

  • >> OH, CALM DOWN, MARCO.

  • THE HISTORY OF MANKIND!

  • IT'S NOT EVEN THE GREATEST IN

  • THE HISTORY OF NOW.

  • HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO BORA BORA?

  • YOU JUST SIT THERE ON THE BEACH

  • UL DAY DRINKING COCKTAILS WHILE

  • RESORT WORKERS RUB YOUR FEET.

  • SURE IT'S NOT A GOOD COUNTRY FOR

  • THEM, BUT I HAD A WONDERFUL

  • TIME.

  • I'D BE THERE PERMANENTLY IF THEY

  • HAD BETTER COMEDY CLUBS.

  • OR A COMEDY CLUB.

  • BRAGGING ABOUT HOW IT'S THE

  • BESTLESS HAS BEEN AMERICA'S

  • THING.

  • NO ONE LIKES THAT.

  • BEING THE TOP GUY IS OBNOXIOUS.

  • IF YOU'RE CONSTANTLY TELLING

  • EVERYONE YOU'RE BETTER THAN

  • EVERYONE, THEN NO ONE WANTS TO

  • BE YOUR FRIEND.

  • YOU GET STUCK HANGING OUT WITH

  • THE HOME IS THERE SCHOOLED KID

  • WITH THE WEIRD HAIRCUT.

  • AMERICA IS SO CONCERNED WITH

  • BEING NUMBER ONE WE TEND TO

  • FORGET THAT YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY

  • NUMBER ONE.

  • >> THE UNITED STATES WAS 29th IN

  • THE MOST RECENT RANKINGS OF

  • COUNTRIES BY EDUCATION.

  • >> THE UNITED STATES IS THE

  • WORLD'S FATTEST DEVELOPED

  • NATION.

  • >> WE SPEND MORE MONEY ON HEALTH

  • CARE THAN ANY OTHER COUNTRY IN

  • THE WORLD.

  • MOST OF US AREN'T LIVING ANY

  • BETTER OR ANY LONGER BECAUSE OF

  • IT.

  • IN FACT, OUR HEALTH CARE SYSTEM

  • RANKS 37th IN TERMS OF OVERALL

  • EFFICIENCY.

  • >> SO YOU'RE THE NUMBER ONE

  • FATTEST, ALSO THE 29th DUMBEST,

  • AND THE 37th HEALTH CARIEST.

  • TRY PUTTING THAT ON A [ BLEEP ]

  • STATUE.

  • AND WHEN YOU'RE IN CHARGE,

  • PEOPLE EXPECT YOU TO CLEAN UP

  • THEIR MESSES.

  • THE U.S. IS ALWAYS INTERVENING

  • IN ONE COUNTRY OR ANOTHER.

  • YOU DON'T NEED THAT KIND OF

  • OBLIGATION.

  • IT'S LIKE, WELL -- SHOULD I

  • CLEAN UP SOME KID'S VOMIT AT MY

  • SON'S BIRTHDAY PARTY?

  • I MEAN, I'M THE ONE WHO PUT THE

  • DEPOSIT DOWN, I'M THE ONE WHO'S

  • DRUNK, I SHOULD BE THE ONE WHO

  • GETS TO THROW UP IN THE BOUNCY

  • HOUSE!

  • AND I DID!

  • AND THAT THIS IS THE POINT!

  • THE POINT IS IT WASN'T EVEN MY

  • SON'S PARTY AND THE HOUSE WASN'T

  • BOUNCY OR MY HOUSE.

  • YES, YES, FINE, FINE.

  • I WENT TO A STRANGER'S HOUSE AND

  • I VOMITED IN IT.

  • BUT I DID REMEMBER TO TAKE MY

  • SHOES OFF.

  • BECAUSE HOW ELSE I WOULD HAVE

  • LOST MYSHOOS?

  • WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?

  • WHEN YOU'RE NUMBER ONE, THE ONLY

  • PLACE TO GO IS DOWN.

  • IT CAN'T LAST.

  • LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED TO EVERY

  • OTHER SUPER POWER IN HISTORY.

  • THE ROMAN EMPIRE FELL.

  • THE BRITISH EMPIRE IS GONE.

  • EVENTUALLY AMERICA WILL BE

  • NOTHING BUT A TOURIST ATTRACTION

  • LIKE THE PYRAMIDS OR WHATEVER

  • THE [ BLEEP ] GREECE IS.

  • I'M NOT SAYING DON'T BE PROUD TO

  • BE AMERICAN.

  • YOU SHOULD BE.

  • I LOVE THIS COUNTRY.

  • IT'S GIVEN ME A GOOD LIFE.

  • IT GAVE ME BASEBALL, LOBSTER

  • ROLLS, PINBALL.

  • IT'S AWESOME.

  • IT DOESN'T MATTER IF IT'S NUMBER

  • ONE OR NUMBER THREE OR WAY DOWN

  • IN THE DOUBLE DIGITS.

  • IF YOU LIVE HERE AND YOU LOVE

  • IT, THEN WHO GIVES A SHIT?

  • [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

  • MAYBE, MAYBE THE MOST PATRIOTIC

  • THING YOU CAN DO IS JUST LOWER

  • YOUR STANDARDS A BIT.

  • THE WAY TO MAKE AMERICA GREAT IS

  • TO ADMIT IT HAS FLAWS.

  • I MEAN, ALL YOU PATRIOTS WHO

  • SEEM TO LOVE THIS COUNTRY SO

  • MUCH YOU ALSO HATE IMMIGRANTS.

  • IF YOU DON'T WANT THEM TO COME

  • HERE, STOP TELLING THEM IT'S SO

  • [ BLEEP ]ING GOOD.

  • WHY DON'T YOU FILM ALL YOUR

  • MOVIES IN FLINT, MICHIGAN?

  • AND IN THAT SPIRIT, I'M PLEASED

  • TO INTRODUCE A NEW PATRIOTIC

  • SONG.

  • ONE I HOPE YOU'LL SEE FIT TO

  • PLAY AT EVERY SUPPORTING EVENT

  • FROM NOW ONWARDS.

  • IT'S A LITTLE DITTY ABOUT THIS

  • COUNTRY'S PLACE IN THE WORLD.

  • AND IT'S CALLED "AMERICA IS A

  • COUNTRY."

  • ENJOY.

  • ♪ I'M LOOKING FOR A COUNTRY THAT

  • DOESN'T WEAR THE CROWN

  • BUT SOMETIMES IT IS UP AND

  • OTHER TIMES IT'S DOWN

  • NOW THERE'S A BUNCH OF EAGLES

  • BUT ALSO LOTS OF RATS

  • SOME PEOPLE WEAR ARMANI SUITS

  • AND SOME START INSTAGRAMS FOR

  • THE CATS

  • ♪ I LOVE MY AVERAGE COUNTRY IT'S

  • SHITTY BUT SOMETIMES NOT

  • HERE'S A PICTURE OF A HONDA

  • CIVIC SITTING IN A FAST FOOD

  • PARKING LOT

  • AMERICA WE'RE FAR FROM FIRST

  • BUT WE'RE ALSO FAR FROM WORST

  • YES AMERICA IS A COUNTRY ON

  • THE LIST OF COUNTRIES

  • WE HAVE A REASONABLE STANDARD

  • OF LIVING AND MOST OF OUR

  • CHILDREN CAN READ

  • SOME OF OUR LAKES ARE NOT

  • POISONED AND ALL OF OUR SLAVES

  • HAVE BEEN FREED

  • THESE COLORS THEY DON'T RUN

  • BECAUSE WE ALL WEIGH A TON

  • TAKING MISS RHYTHM YEAH

  • AMERICA IS FAIR TO MIDDLING

  • OH AMERICA WE'RE FAR FROM

  • FIRST BUT WE'RE ALSO FAR FROM

  • WORST

  • AMERICA IS A COUNTRY ON THE

  • LIST OF COUNTRIES

  • ON THE LIST OF COUNTRIES

  • OH YEAH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE

  • COUNTRY LIST WE ARE

  • ON THE LIST OF COUNTRIES

BETWEEN DONALD TRUMP COZYING UP

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B1 AU country america greatest bleep list bora

Is America Really Number One? - The Jim Jefferies Show

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    鄭文毓 posted on 2018/08/28
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