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  • Now I thought I'd share some of my favorite #myweirdroommate stories from you guys.

  • Here we go.

  • This first one is from @chrislilli.

  • He says, "I used to live with a guy who would put ketchup straight onto our glass coffee table to dip french fries in so he could avoid cleaning a dish."

  • [ Audience groans ]

  • [ Laughs ]

  • Wow.

  • This one is from @MelLynn.

  • She says, "My roommate used to knock on my bedroom door in the middle of the night and when I opened it, she would say, 'Just checking'."

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • Okay. Just terrified.

  • Okay.

  • This one is from @wyyyyyit.

  • How many Y's?

  • I think it's five Y's.

  • W-h-- -W-y-y-y-y-y-i-t.

  • -Wyyyyit. -Wyyyyit.

  • She says, "I wanted to get out of my apartment ASAP. I saw an ad that said,'Looking for a clean, quiet roommate.' I called the number. It was my roommate."

  • [ Audience oohs ]

  • Do you like piña coladas?

  • [ Chuckles ]

  • This next one's from @mahuls.

  • -Oh. Mahuls. -She said --

  • You know Mahuls?

  • Oh, Mahuls. I love Mahuls.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • No, that's not the non-alcoholic beverage that you drink.

  • Oh, it's not?

  • -That is O'Doul's. -Oh, that's O'Doul's.

  • It's okay. I'm sorry. I love O'Doul's.

  • Mahuls is a non-alcoholic bar.

  • -Non-alcoholic. [ Laughs ] -The whole bar, non-alcoholic.

  • That's actually a play land. It's a Gymboree.

  • -It's a Gymboree. -Gymboree for children.

  • Yeah, it's not even for adults. It's for children.

  • The ball pit.

  • It's a trampoline park.

  • -Yeah. -I don't want to get into it.

  • Lot of lawsuits.

  • [ Chuckles ] Lot of lawsuits.

  • (Because) there's no license.

  • No, zero licensing. And it's filthy.

  • Actually, it is a bar. It's a trampoline bar.

  • Anyways.

  • -Wait, it's a trampoline bar? -Anyways.

  • Yes, and there's a 6-foot pool in there, as well.

  • You could trampoline into the pool and drink.

  • It's awful. They should close it down.

  • I've been saying, "Please close Mahuls."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • I've always said that.

  • Oh, you've always said that. You have that tattoo.

  • This is -- I do.

  • I never get to see it.

  • -No, you can't see it. -That's the only --

  • -...That's the problem. -[ Laughing ] Yeah.

  • That's why I can't sleep at night.

  • I can't see most of my tattoos.

  • You should get a mirror that's a double mirror

  • so you can see yourself in the mirror backwards

  • so you can read your tattoos.

  • You know what I'm saying?

  • Yeah, I think.

  • But I'm a vampire, so I can't even --

  • -...I don't have a reflection. -Oh, I forgot.

  • -I forgot. -I don't have a reflection.

  • - You don't understand what -- -You're Count Dracula Jr.

  • -[ As Sara ] You don't (even) understand what my life is like.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • You don't even understand what my life is like!

  • Vampire with tattoos.

  • [ Normal voice ] All right. This is from @mahuls.

  • Oh. [ Laughter ]

  • She says, "My roommate would number her Kraft singles with a Sharpie so she'd know if we took one."

  • -Oh, God! -Oh!

  • That's that.

  • Uh, I'm missing, uh, singles 7 through 10.

  • [ Laughter ] -Did anybody eat those?

  • Anyone hungry?

  • That's what I thought.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Someone's eating my cheese.

  • We're going to Mahuls.

  • We are going to Mahuls. Meet me there if you want to.

  • That's my last name.

  • -Yeah. -Oh, can you get us in?

  • No cover charge?

  • For three Kraft singles.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Chuckles ] Because we're three crafty singles.

  • And a little cheesy.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • All right. Let's just go.

  • [ Mumbles ]

  • Come on!

  • ♪♪

  • Oh, his tattoo is acting up.

  • Walking across the stage.

  • Waving goodbye.

  • ♪♪

  • Oh, my gosh!

  • You're taping this whole episode.

  • No, this is --

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Alexa, reco--

  • Alexa, record the To--

  • [ Thud ]

  • Uh, it wasn't Alexa.

  • It's felt tape.

  • Hey, this next one.

  • Who is it from?

  • This is from @paisleee.

  • Oh, I love her.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • She says, "There was a fire in our building at 4 a.m. Smoke filled the halls, but my roommate stopped to curl her hair in case a fireman saw her."

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • All right.

  • Are you November? [ Chuckles ]

  • [ Light laughter ]

  • Fireman calendar.

  • Okay.

  • -Thank you. -Thank you.

  • Fireman calendar reference, right?

  • -Classic bit. -November.

  • Jimmy names the fireman calendars.

  • [ Laughs ]

  • You see, on calendars --

  • Mr. November. That's what I meant to say.

  • This one's from @brianricci.

  • He says, "Every time my roommate laughs at something on TV, he looks at me to see if I'm laughing, too".

  • [ Laughs ]

  • [ Laughs ]

  • No?

  • "I get it. Do you get it?" "No, I don't get it either."

  • "Do you think it's funny?"

  • This last one is from @mmmargolies.

  • [ Laughs ]

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -M.M. -M.M.

  • M.M. Margolies.

  • M&M.

  • [ Light laughter ]

  • [ As Mahna Mahna ] Mah-nay mah-nem.

  • ♪ M.M. Margolies

  • -Mah-nay mah-nem. -♪ Margolies, too

  • -Mah-nay mah-nem. -♪ Margoo, Margolies

  • Margolies, Margolies

  • We're going to drink at mahuls

  • [ Scatting ]

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Normal voice ] This last one's from @mmmargolies.

  • He says, "Once, I couldn't figure out why all my underwear was missing. I asked my roommate, and he pulled down his pants and said, "Looking for these?"

  • There you go.

  • Those are our "Tonight Show" Hashtags.

  • Check out more of our favorites.

  • Go to tonightshow.com/hashtags.

Now I thought I'd share some of my favorite #myweirdroommate stories from you guys.

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B1 US TheTonightShow laughter mah roommate trampoline fireman

Hashtags: #MyWeirdRoommate

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    Evangeline posted on 2018/08/20
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