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Few mental afflictions are as humbling or as terrifying as what is known as 'Pure' OCD or, more colloquially, Intrusive Thoughts.
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In standard Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, a person is haunted by a worry that compels them to repeat an often counterproductive, or fruitless action with manic intensity:
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handwashing, turning off gas pipes, checking their pulse, and so on.
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But in 'pure' OCD, there is no outward, physical action;
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the problem unfolds – hence the name – purely in the mind, yet it is, if anything, an even more distressing condition.
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The pure OCD sufferer is tortured by thoughts that they want to do, or have done, some of the most censored and abhorred acts in our societies,
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acts that they themselves despise and fear at an intellectual level.
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They grow convinced of their wish, for example, to murder a loved one, harm a child sexually, or assault a stranger.
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They cannot shut out the idea that they may become, or have already shown signs that they are, a psychopath, a rapist, or a paedophile.
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They scan their minds ceaselessly, looking for evidence to confirm their dreadful apprehension.
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So burdened are they by these thoughts, they may not be able to go anywhere near children or may take fright at the sight of a knife in a drawer.
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Left alone with a colleague, they may panic that they could lose control and lunge inappropriately at them.
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At the station, they are flooded with anxiety at the feeling that they may push their partner or their child under a train.
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Having to think of oneself in these terms quickly drains life of any of its pleasure.
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The Pure OCD sufferer wakes up every morning certain that they are one of the worst people ever to have walked on the planet.
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But there is not, as yet, a foolproof way of treating the condition–
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but discussions of how to approach it, reveal large differences in assessments of how the mind operates.
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Psychiatrists tend to prescribe antidepressants, in order to lift the general mood of sufferers and thereby lessen the tendency to ruminate to the point of exhaustion.
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CBT psychologists will try to argue closely with the intrusive thoughts,
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so that eventually sufferers can logically acknowledge that they truly have no intention of harming anyone or doing anything obscene.
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But it is psychotherapists who have what is perhaps the most imaginative and unexpected solution.
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They don't target the thoughts themselves or argue with them directly.
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They don't try to reassure people logically that they are not about to murder a loved one or harm a child –
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because they don't believe that this is what is actually at stake and judge that offering reassurance on these points only legitimates a pattern of thinking that has no basis in reality.
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They locate the origin of the problem somewhere quite different: the sufferer of pure OCD has, first and foremost, a problem with self-esteem and shame.
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The unfortunate person feels, at some level, utterly disgusting and beyond the pale – and will in the background have been feeling like this for a long time.
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Somewhere in their past, normally as a result of very traumatic and degrading childhood relationships,
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they will have derived an impression that they did not deserve to exist.
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Their current thoughts are not plans for the future.
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They are attempts by the mind to find a match between their basic sense of self and what would be needed by their society to concur with it.
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They are a move to bring about a form of dreadful inner equilibrium, ensuring that the judgment of the world falls in line with the judgment of the self.
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Cases of Pure OCD are sometimes diagnosed just after sufferers have achieved something rather positive in the eyes of others:
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they have been promoted or begun a fulfilling relationship or mastered a project.
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It should be a cause for celebration but happiness simply feels unwarranted.
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By latching onto thoughts of complete illegality, one is assured that one's self-esteem will remain at rock bottom.
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Interestingly, in societies that find religious transgression particularly abhorrent,
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Pure OCD sufferers will be haunted by feelings that they have offended God and are about to be outed as sinners.
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Behind the Pure OCD is a person's needs to find a reason to feel awful, it isn't about this or that condemned act –
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and as the definition of awful changes, so too will the manifest content of the intrusive thoughts.
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The disease is anchored in self-loathing, not in blasphemy, incipient paedophilia or murderous intent.
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This analysis opens the way to treatment.
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What the sufferer of pure OCD needs, above all else, is to begin to repair their self-loathing and shame.
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They need to learn, through repeated encounters with an outsider who casts a generous and sympathetic eye on them,
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that they are not the worthless being they take themselves for.
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Their problem began with a deficit of love – and needs to be healed by a loving act of witnessing.
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Pure OCD thoughts are not wishes, they are symptoms of radical self-distrust –
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and these will start to lift once the afflicted learn that most vital of arts: being a friend to oneself.
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Our book what is psychotherapy tells us exactly what going through therapy is like and why it is so important.