Monday, let's go.

Hey Brennan, you feeling okay?

Yeah, you seem a little under the weather.

What's that?

Like, you seem sick.

That's true, yeah I'm sick as a dog.

Fuckin' work dog dude, let's do it.

Let's shred it this week guys, turn and burn it.

If you're sick, you should go home.

Go home, come on guys it's the flu.

A little flu never hurt anybody.

The flu has killed millions.

Handedly untrue.

Yeah, you should go home.

I hear your concern, appreciate it.

Guys, here's the deal (burp) oh god.

I'm not one of these little babies that has to call in sick from home, I'm...(sneezes blood)

God, fuck go to the hospital!

Nope, callin' 911.

Go home or I'll kill you.

It's fine, this isn't half as much blood as yesterday.

Fevers broken, I can see again, I...

Ahhhhhhhhhhh, oh it's burning!

What is that xenomorph spit? why is it burning?

You think it's so heroic to stay and work in the office but really you're just putting everyone else in danger.

The only thing I'm in danger of is giving 110%.

Oh god dude your eye!

Your eye, your eye, your eye.

Go home!

It's fine, five second rule.

Fuck you.

You need to use a sick day you're putting everyone here at risk.

At risk, what are you talking about?

What ever happened to walking it off?

My ancestors couldn't call in sick when they were building railroads and fighting Nazis.

Your ancestors died of preventable diseases all the time.

Okay, let's call it a compromise.

Look I'll wrap myself up in my little blankie, I'll take a little shot of hot sauce.

I'll take a couple cloves of garlic.

Then I'll squirt some lemon juice in my eyes.

Okay, I'll take a space heater and I'll sit on it.

Oh, there we go okay and now just sweat it out.

- Oh god Brennan get up! - Brennan!

Brennan get up, get up get up!

Normally that works.

Go home!

I can't, you guys are depending on me for my comedy scripts, I can't leave you guys hanging.

You just started working here.

And when you're sick, your work suffers.

No it doesn't.

Interior Brennan dada, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me.

Okay it's a little unpolished, but I think there's a kernel of ...

No!

Is he dead?

Yeah as a doornail bitch.

Hi, is this HR?

Yes, okay, so I was calling 'cause a sick employee refused to go home but now I'm calling 'cause there's been an office incident with a knife.

Yes, it was Katie.

You were fucking dead.

Hey guys are we still meeting at 3:00?

Yes.

Cool, I'll be there.

How is this possible?

Well Trep, I guess I'm just not one of the little babies that has to call out of the meeting just any old time that I see grip of death stops the beating of their heart.

I have a few extra pitches today, I'm happy to go at the end.

Hey guys it's Brennan from College Humor.

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I'm not really real, I'm just a thing in your screen.

Ahh, don't forget me!