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  • In October 2016,

  • my husband and I accepted Almighty God's salvation in the last days

  • while we were abroad.

  • After that, I frequently attended meetings with brothers and sisters to read God's words,

  • share our experiences and understanding of His words,

  • and sing hymns in praise of God.

  • I felt that life spent with the Church was full of joy, and I really enjoyed it.

  • A few months passed in the blink of an eye,

  • and the brothers and sisters had all grown in life to varying degrees.

  • Especially Sister Wang, who joined us in belief only recently,

  • experienced rapid growth.

  • Whether it was through prayer,

  • or the sharing of experiences and understanding of God's words,

  • she seemed to possess more light than us.

  • Her fellowship was also clear and methodical.

  • All the brothers and sisters said she was of good caliber,

  • and she progressed quickly.

  • At first, I really admired her,

  • and I would often say to my brothers and sisters after a meeting:

  • "Not only are Sister Wang's prayers and fellowship methodical,

  • but she also understands very well.

  • She also is able to seek God's will when she encounters an issue."

  • But after a while, I started to feel unhappy.

  • I would think: "Why does everyone praise her but not me?

  • Have I not grown at all?

  • Is there something wrong with my fellowship?"

  • I gradually developed feelings of dissatisfaction with Sister Wang,

  • and I began to see her as a rival.

  • I thought inside, "You can fellowship about God's words, and so can I.

  • Eventually I'll surpass you."

  • I even came up with schemes:

  • I will save the portions of understanding and light that I usually find in God's words,

  • and only share it when everyone is there.

  • Thus they'll all see that I can also experience His work,

  • and that I can share practical understanding.

  • From then on, I would read God's words whenever I could,

  • and I would write down all the insight I gained from His words into a notebook.

  • When it was time for a meeting,

  • I would carefully sift through the insights

  • and find a way to share them in a clear and organized manner,

  • and as methodical as Sister Wang's insight.

  • I didn't understand why,

  • but the more I wanted to show off in front of my brothers and sisters,

  • the more I made a fool of myself.

  • As soon as it was time for my fellowship,

  • I couldn't clear my mind.

  • Instead my words would come out in a jumble.

  • I couldn't explain clearly the perspectives I wanted to articulate,

  • and gatherings became embarrassing for me.

  • At that time, my mind would be agitated and I couldn't focus.

  • I didn't feel as close to my sister as I had before.

  • I began to feel that the gatherings started bringing me a certain kind of stress,

  • and I could not free my heart.

  • Then one day, I told my husband what I was thinking:

  • "I've recently seen that in gatherings,

  • Sister Wang's communications are better than mine.

  • I've been feeling really uneasy …"

  • But before I finished speaking,

  • my husband looked at me closely, and then he told me this:

  • "Sister Wang's fellowship is good, and this helps us.

  • We should thank God for this.

  • Isn't your uneasiness just jealousy?"

  • His words were like a slap in the face.

  • I quickly shook my head and denied it:

  • "No, that's not it. I'm not like that."

  • Then he said: "Our brothers and sisters have all benefited in some way

  • from Sister Wang's fellowship.

  • If hearing it makes you uneasy,

  • aren't you just jealous that she's more capable than you?"

  • My husband's words pierced my heart once again.

  • I felt very upset.

  • Am I really this awful?

  • I felt very wronged and was on the verge of tears.

  • I said to him, "Don't say anymore.

  • I need to calm down and think through it for myself!"

  • After that, surprisingly,

  • my husband told Sister Liu, a leader in the church, about what I had said.

  • He wanted Sister Liu to help me.

  • I confronted him about speaking to her without checking with me first.

  • How could I show my face to our brothers and sisters after that?

  • If they knew about my jealousy, wouldn't they look down on me?

  • The more I thought about it, the more upset I became,

  • but avoiding reality won't help with anything.

  • I prayed, "Oh God! What should I do?"

  • The next day, I was examining what I had revealed recently.

  • Brothers and sisters would usually share their enlightenment and understanding

  • that they gain from God's words with anyone at any time,

  • but I only shared mine to show off during our gatherings.

  • I wanted to talk about things that my brothers and sisters didn't know

  • so they could look up to me.

  • When I saw that other brothers and sisters fellowshiped better than I did,

  • I felt uneasy and wanted to do better than them.

  • I used to think that I was easygoing

  • and didn't tend to fuss over every little thing,

  • that I was good and simple at heart.

  • I never dared believe that I could be jealous of someone,

  • or that I was even capable of secretly comparing and competing against someone else.

  • How could I have become that kind of person?

  • Around midday, I called a sister

  • to ask her if she ever felt jealous during gatherings

  • when she heard other brothers' and sisters' communions were better than hers.

  • She said she didn't.

  • She also said: "If our brothers and sisters share their insights well,

  • it is only beneficial for us.

  • I really enjoy it, and it only makes me happy."

  • Hearing her say this made me feel even worse,

  • and only then did I realize how strong my jealousy was.

  • I wept and prayed to God:

  • "Oh God! I don't want to be jealous,

  • but every time I hear this sister's amazing fellowship,

  • I can't help but be jealous of her.

  • I've felt disturbed and bound by this all day,

  • and I really don't know what I should do.

  • God, please help me free my heart of jealousy …"

  • Later, the church leader, Sister Liu, came to see me.

  • She read a couple of passages of God's words that were relevant to my condition.

  • She also read from Sermons and Fellowship on Entry into Life:

  • "So are those who are jealous of others narrow-minded people? …

  • Some people say: 'Sometimes I can't overcome it.

  • As soon as I encounter someone better than me,

  • I feel jealous and angry.

  • As soon as I see that person, I even feel like I can't go on living.

  • to make me more generous in spirit, more magnanimous,

  • to live like humans so that You are not ashamed of me.'

  • This is how you should pray.

  • A narrow-minded person lives constantly in pain and exhaustion."

  • I was cut to the heart when I read this.

  • This described me!

  • Sister Wang's fellowship was enlightening,

  • but I didn't find a path of practice from it.

  • On the contrary, in order to feed my vanity,

  • I had continued to try to do better than Sister Wang.

  • I had secretly set myself against her

  • and would rack my brain to find ways to share more insightful fellowship than her.

  • I even had hoped that

  • people would stop applauding and complimenting her on her fellowship.

  • When my own fellowship was unworthy, and I made a fool of myself,

  • my mind would be in a whirl, and I would be upset and in pain.

  • I would spend all day dwelling on my faults,

  • deeply afraid that others would look down on me.

  • I was so narrow-minded, all I wanted was to stand out,

  • but I couldn't stand it when someone else was better than me.

  • Isn't this just jealousy and envy of those that do well?

  • I have no normal humanity!

  • Thinking back, I was also like that before I believed in God.

  • When I was interacting with friends and relatives, neighbors, and colleagues,

  • I was constantly thinking of having others speak well of me.

  • Sometimes, when a colleague would praise someone else's work in front of me,

  • I would feel uneasy,

  • and in order to have others praise me,

  • I'd throw myself into doing my work well,

  • and I was happy to do it no matter how difficult, how exhausting it was.

  • Only now have I realized

  • these were manifestations of corrupt satanic dispositions.

  • Once I realized this,

  • Sister Liu once again linked this back to the passage of fellowship

  • and laid out a path of practice:

  • To come before God and pray to Him,

  • to open up to God my own difficulties and reveal my corruption

  • so that He can show me how to have a more generous heart.

  • After that, I presented myself to God frequently

  • and prayed to Him about my difficulties.

  • I began to consciously read God's words

  • of Him judging and exposing the corruption of mankind.

  • When I gained enlightenment from God's words,

  • I would immediately share it with my brothers and sisters.

  • They also spoke about what they had gained and understood.

  • I never would have imagined it,

  • but this practice allowed me to learn even more

  • than just reading God's words on my own.

  • In gatherings, I shared my insights based on how much I understood,

  • and focused on quieting my heart and listening to the others' communion.

  • It was only then while my brothers and sisters

  • talked about their experiences of putting God's words into practice,

  • that I gained great edification.

  • After a while of this practice, my jealousy had diminished.

  • But in every gathering,

  • when I saw Sister Wang commended by the other brothers and sisters,

  • I still felt the jealousy there.

  • I always felt some distance between her and I,

  • and I couldn't interact with her easily.

  • Feeling like that, I didn't dare open up to my brothers and sisters.

  • I was still afraid that if I did, they would look down on me.

  • So, during several gatherings,

  • I couldn't find release on my heart.

  • I could only pray to God for my difficulties:

  • "Oh God! I am once again feeling jealousy.

  • May You lead me …"

  • One evening, Sister Liu gave me a call.

  • She asked with concern whether I had been experiencing difficulties lately.

  • I responded vaguely:

  • "My corruption is so deep.

  • Do you think that God will save someone like me or not?"

  • I was afraid she would look down on me,

  • so I did not elaborate.

  • Sister Liu read a passage of God's words for me:

  • After reading these words from God, she told me:

  • "Opening up and sharing in fellowship is one way to free your heart.

  • If we hide difficulties in our hearts,

  • we are more susceptible to Satan, and our lives will suffer.

  • Opening up and bringing it into the light is putting honesty into practice.

  • We also gain help from our brothers and sisters.

  • This allows our difficulties to be resolved quicker.

  • We will grow in our life, and we will attain release in our hearts.

  • Isn't that what we want?"

  • After listening to Sister Liu's words,

  • I gathered my courage and explained to her what I was going through.

  • I never would have imagined that after hearing me,

  • that she wouldn't belittle or look down on me,

  • but she patiently shared her own experience with me.

  • She told me how she used to be a jealous person,

  • and how she managed to overcome it.

  • I was so surprised by what she had said.

  • I thought: "So you have also had such expression of corruption?"

  • Sister Liu read another passage of God's words related to this:

  • Then, she told me: "We have all been deeply corrupted by Satan.

  • Arrogance, deceitfulness, selfishness, jealousy,

  • all of these corrupt dispositions are deeply entrenched in mankind.

  • God has now come to judge and chastise in order to purify and transform us.

  • We must treat ourselves properly,

  • and not live in negativity and misunderstanding.

  • As long as we pursue the truth with intention,

  • accept the judgment and chastisement of God's words,

  • reflect on and understand our own corruptions according to God's words,

  • are able to forsake the flesh, and put the truth into practice,

  • the day will come when our lives will undergo a transformation,

  • and we will be able to live as a true man."

  • My heart felt so free after listening to Sister Liu's words,

  • and I also understood God's will.

  • Not only do I need to face my own corruption,

  • and focus on knowing myself and seeking the truth to resolve my corruption,

  • but I should also practice honesty

  • and open up to my brothers and sisters about the corruption that I had revealed recently.

  • This would deprive Satan of an opportunity to do its work,

  • and it would shame Satan through practice of the truth.

  • Sister Liu came to my home again the next day,

  • and we read a passage from God's words together.

  • After reading God's words,

  • she then linked them to her own experience