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If you're a black person, you're probably buzzing
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from some great news right now.
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First, Kendrick Lamar just won a Pulitzer Prize for music.
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-(cheering, applause) -Yeah.
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The first time, the first time this award has gone to someone
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who was not in classical music or jazz.
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Right? Other great news:
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Beyoncé tore the roof off Coachella.
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-(cheering) -Yeah. And... and I know what you're saying:
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"But it's an outdoor festival." Yeah, that's how badass she is.
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She brought in a roof just so she could tear it off.
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That's what she did. That's how big it was.
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And, guys, this was the blackest performance
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at the whitest festival.
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And white people love that stuff,
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because it makes it feel like they're down, you know?
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Which is weird, because it never goes the other way around.
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Like, you could never have, like, the Oak Ridge Boys show up
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at the club, and then... expect brothers walking out,
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going like, "Yo, these niggas can strum, B.
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Yo, they can... they can strum."
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-(applause) -You never feel that.
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So... so all in all, it feels like a great couple of days
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for black America.
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But of course, unfortunately, if you're a black person
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who is not on stage, not everything is going your way.
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There is a firestorm tonight
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over what happened three days ago
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at a Starbucks in Philadelphia
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where the police were called in and two black men were arrested.
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TV REPORTER: This video, captured by
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a witness's cell phone, shows police talking,
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and later handcuffing the men
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while they were waiting for a friend.
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The men wanted to use the restroom but the manager said
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that per store policy, they couldn't,
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since they didn't buy anything.
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When they wouldn't leave, she called police.
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How crazy is this?
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Two men arrested for waiting
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to meet someone at Starbucks.
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You see, this, this here,
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this is why black people should always show up late.
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Yeah. If you're early, it's loitering.
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For our safety, black people,
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we show up late everywhere we go.
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In fact, maybe-- this got me thinking--
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maybe it's not true that black people are never on time.
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It's just that we only know about the ones who show up late,
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because all the early ones got taken away.
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Maybe that's what it is.
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And I know, I know there are some people saying,
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"Well, why were these guys
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in Starbucks doing nothing? Huh? Why?"
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Well, because that's what Starbucks is for.
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Everyone is doing nothing.
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Everyone.
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Starbucks...
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Starbucks is basically a bus station
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with espresso machines; that's all it is.
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In fact, the only mistake these black guys made
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was not using the tactics of the white man.
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That's all they did. Yeah.
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When the manager accused them of doing nothing,
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they should have replied, "Uh, actually,
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I'm writing a screenplay, that's what I'm doing."
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But, look, if I can get serious
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for just a minute here, I will say this:
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Do you have any idea
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what it does to a person's dignity
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to be arrested by bike cops?
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(laughter)
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Huh?
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Think about this. Think about this.
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Someone calls the cops on you,
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and instead of driving up with sirens wailing all bad-ass,
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they're like, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
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(laughter and applause)
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And how do they even get you back to the station, huh?
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(laughter)
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Do they throw you on the back of a bicycle built for two?
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(laughter and applause)
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And now, now you're in custody but you have to help them pedal?
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You're just there at the back, like, "Man.
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"This is some bullshit, man.
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"This is some bullshit.
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We look adorable, though, we look adorable."
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(applause)
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But for real, though, for real, though,
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America clearly has a problem with policing and black people.
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On the one hand, you have people calling the police
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because they see black people as inherently threatening,
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and then you have police who only know how to respond
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to a call with an arrest or violence.
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So the question is, what do we do?
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Do we fix society or do we try and fix the police?
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Or maybe, maybe-- got us thinking:
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maybe all we need to do is change the people
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who connect civilians to the police.
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Well, for years 9-1-1's been handling calls that,
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-turns out, aren't actual emergencies. -(phone ringing)
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So we came up with with a program
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to help white people decide if their emergency
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was an actual emergency.
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We hired a black operator.
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9-1-1, what's your emergency?
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MALE CALLER: I'm on the train
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and these black people are talking,
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and it's loud and I think there could be a fight.
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Okay, sir. So let me get this straight.
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You called 9-1-1 because black people were talking loud?
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Uh, yeah, I-I guess.
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Okay, good. Here's what I need you to do.
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Stand up, walk to the window,
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and throw your bitch-ass off that train.
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FEMALE CALLER 2: No, they're just walking down the sidewalk
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but if feels threatening.
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Girl, bye.
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Is she a bit unorthodox?
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Yes, but it's been efficient,
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and she's almost entirely professional, almost.
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So you're saying he's a six-four,
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African American male, broad shoulders,
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driving a Benz?
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I need you to look closely at him.
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Is he wearing a wedding ring?
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FEMALE CALLER 3: Uh, no.
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Stay right there. I'm on my way.
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Hold on, girl.
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Hello?
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That's how it should be.