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  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

  • LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS A

  • WORLD-RENOWNED CHEF ARE A RESTAURATEUR, AND A TELEVISION

  • PERSONALITY.

  • HIS NEW SHOW IS "THE F WORD."

  • >> I'VE TRAVELED ACROSS THE COUNTRY TO NEW YORK CITY FOR A

  • FORMER PRODIGY OF MINE AND HER STUDENTS.

  • THEY'LL BE COOK ALONG A STAR CHEF WITHOUT THEM KNOWING.

  • FIRST STOP, THE MAKEUP CHAIR TO BECOME SOMEBODY ELSE.

  • LET'S GO!

  • >> MY NAME IS MARIA.

  • I SPENT LAST SEVEN YEARS AS AN EXECUTIVE CHEF FOR THE GORDON

  • RAMSEY GROUP.

  • >> MY NAME IS JAMES, AND I WANT TO LEARN HOW TO COOK.

  • >> DO YOU THINK GORDON RAMSEY WOULD BE PROUD OF MY WORK?

  • >> HE WOULD BE.

  • >> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME CHEF GORDON RAMSEY.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> THANK YOU!

  • HELLO!

  • THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

  • >> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.

  • >> THANK YOU!

  • >> Stephen: NOW, YOU ALREADY-- YOU ALREADY SEEM MORE CHEERFUL

  • THAN I'M USED TO SEEING YOUR FACE.

  • THIS IS MORE SMILING THAN WE NORMALLY GET ON ONE OF YOUR TV

  • SHOWS.

  • >> WE DO HAVE GOOD DAYS, THOUGH, DAYS OF UTTER PERFECTION.

  • BUT, UNFORTUNATELY, THEY MAY LOOK SOMEWHAT BORING SO I LIKE

  • TO SPICE IT UP A LITTLE BIT.

  • >> Stephen: EVERY UNHAPPY FAMILY IS UNHAPPY IN THEIR OWN

  • WAY AS SAYING GOES.

  • YOU HAVE 31 RESTAURANTS, MULTIPLE MICHELIN STARS?

  • >> YES.

  • >> Stephen: MULTIPLE MICHELIN STARS.

  • YOU'RE A MEMBER OF THE ORDER OF BRITISH EMPIRE, O.B.E.

  • IS THAT GOOD, IS THAT FUN?

  • >> FOR CURSING.

  • >> Stephen: IT JUST ADDS A LITTLE BIT OF EXTRA-- EXTRA

  • CLASS WHEN YOU DROP THE "F" BOMB.

  • >> ORDER OF THE BRITISH EMPIRE, AND THE QUEEN GAVE IT TO ME AS

  • WELL, SO IT WAS REALLY NICE.

  • >> Stephen: IS IT LIKE A SWORD SITUATION?

  • >> NO, THAT IS LIKE WHEN YOU GET KNIGHTED.

  • O.B. IS UNDER THAT.

  • SO A LITTLE HANDSHAKE AND A POLITE (BLEEP) OFF.

  • SHE MUTTERS IT UNDER HER BREATH.

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.

  • >> YES.

  • >> Stephen: OKAY, WHEN YOU GO INTO A RESTAURANT, DO PEOPLE

  • FREAK OUT BECAUSE THEY KNOW WHO YOU ARE?

  • >> YES.

  • >> Stephen: AND THEY WANT TO IMPRESS YOU.

  • WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU WALK INTO ANY OLD PLACE?

  • >> I MEAN, FIRST OF ALL, EVERYONE LOOKS BEHIND ME TO SEE

  • IF THERE'S A CAMERA CREW.

  • THEY THINK O(BLEEP).

  • "HE'S FILMING KITCHEN NIGHTMARES HERE.

  • WE'RE TOO LATE.

  • THIS PLACE IS A CONFIRMED (BLEEP).

  • >> Stephen: SO YOU CAN SAY THAT KIND OF STUFF ON TV IN

  • ENGLAND, CAN YOU?

  • >> OH, WHAT (BLEEP) (BLEEP)?

  • >> Stephen: JS YS JORKS ONE MINUTE PAST 9:00.

  • >> Stephen: AT ONE MINUTE PAST 9:00 YOU CAN SAY (BLEEP).

  • >> OR (BLEEP).

  • WHATEVER YOU WANT.

  • >> Stephen: I'VE NEVER BEEN TO THAT RESTAURANT.

  • NO.

  • >> THEY FIEND OUT WHAT I'M EATING AND IF THEY'RE NOT

  • WATCHING WHAT I'M EATING HERE COMES THE CHEF AND HE WANTS TO

  • SERVE THIS DISH AND THAT DISH AND I'M GETTING SPOILED.

  • I WANT TO BE TREATED NORMAL, WHICH YOU CAN IMAGINE IS

  • IMPORTANT.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT COOKING IN AMERICA?

  • BECAUSE WE'VE GOT, LIKE, REGIONAL DISHES THAT ARE VERY

  • SPECIAL OVER HERE?

  • IS THERE ANYTHING YOU SEE OVER HERE AND SAY, "I COULDN'T

  • POSSIBLY EAT THAT?" ANYTHING THAT TURNS YOU OFF.

  • >> I'M NOT A FAN OF GRITS.

  • I FIND THEL HARD ON 2 -- >> Stephen: REALLY, IT'S A

  • POLENTA, CORNMEAL, AND BUTTER AND SALT AND PEPPER.

  • >> THEY'RE RICH, HEAVY, AND SOMETIMES A BIT GREASY.

  • AND SANDWICHES -- >> Stephen: ENGLISH FOOD IS

  • FILTRATION ORGANS, ISN'T IT?

  • HOW DARE YOU JUDGE US.

  • YOU STUFF THINGS AN ANIMAL AND BURY IT.

  • >> THE SANDWICHES, YOU GO TO A DELI AND THE SANDWICH IS (BLEEP)

  • LIKE 12 FOOT TALL.

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S A SANDWICH.

  • THAT'S A SANDWICH.

  • >> NO!

  • NO!

  • NO!

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S THE SANDWICH OF A SUPERPOWER, MY

  • FRIEND.

  • BACK WHEN YOU HAD AN EMPIRE, SANDWICHES WERE MUCH LARGER, YOU

  • REALIZE.

  • >> YOU CAN'T EAT IT.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT.

  • >> YOU CAN'T EAT IT.

  • >> Stephen: TAKE YOUR TIME.

  • YOU HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD.

  • WERE YOU ALWAYS DEMANDING, EVEN AS A KID?

  • DID YOU DEMANTD LUNCH LADIES, LIKE, IMPROVE THEIR SERVICE--

  • "PUT SOME PARSLEY ON THERE.

  • OF THE.

  • >> I WAS ALWAYS WORRIED ABOUT THE SORT OF SKIN THAT SAT ON A

  • STEW LIKE A LIVER AND BACON -- >> Stephen: AGAIN, KIDNEY,

  • LIVER, ALL FILTRATION ORGANS.

  • >> ... TO REMOVE THAT PIECE OF SKIN.

  • COME ON, I'M JOKING.

  • WE HAVE AN AMAZING DESSERT.

  • HAVE YOU EVER HAD SPOTTY DICK.

  • IT'S A VERY DELICIOUS, STEAMED SORT OF SPONGE WITH SORT OF

  • MARINADE IN THERE.

  • YOU DON'T WANT A CRISPY SKIN ON THAT?

  • >> Stephen: YOU DON'T, YOU DON'T.

  • YOU SHOULD REALLY HAVE THAT CHECKED OUT.

  • YES.

  • DO YOU ENCOURAGE-- HOW ABOUT YOUR OWN CHILDREN?

  • HOENCOURAGE YOUR OWN-- HOW MANY CIZ HAVE YOU GOT?

  • >> FOUR, THREE GIRLS AND A BOY.

  • SO THEY GREW UP AS LITTLE FOODIES.

  • AND BACK IN THE U.K., I-- I SORT OF BECAME A BIT OF A MENTOR FOR

  • THEM BECAUSE I DIDN'T BUY THEM iPADS AND X-BOX GAMES.

  • I BOUGHT THEM TURKEY AND SHEEP AND LAMBS TO REAR.

  • >> Stephen: TO REAR?

  • TO RAISE?

  • >> TO EXPRAIZ THEN TO EAT.

  • >> Stephen: BUT THEN THEY HAVE TO LIKE...

  • >> I COME HOME LATE ONE NIGHT, AND TILLY WAS UPSTAIRS --

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S YOUR YOUNGEST.

  • >> THAT'S THE YOUNGEST.

  • I COULD HEAR HER MESSING AROUND-- "WHAT'S GOING ON UP

  • THERE."

  • IT'S HER TURKEY.

  • "WHAT YOU ARING DO?" SHE SAID, "I DON'T WANT IT TO GO

  • TO THE SLAUGHTERHOUSE TOMORROW?" AND I SAID, "DON'T WORRY, IT

  • WILL BE PLUCKED AND READY FOR THE OVEN."

  • SHE STARTED CRYING, AND SO I BROKE HIS NECK-- NO, I DIDN'T!

  • COME ON!

  • WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU GUYS.

  • >> Stephen: SHE HAS TO GROW UP SOMETIME.

  • >> EXCUSE ME, EVERYONE IN THE AUDIENCE HERE DEEP FRIES THEIR

  • (BLEEP) TURKEY, RIGHT?

  • >> Stephen: HAVE YOU DONE THAT?

  • DO YOU ENJOY DEEP FRYING THE TURKEY.

  • >> I WENT AROUND TO A FRIEND OF MINE FOR THANKSGIVING, AND HE

  • STARTED GOING TO THE GARAGE FOR PREPARATION OF THE LUNCH.

  • I SAID, "WHERE ARE WE GOING?" AND THERE'S THIS BIG VAT AND HE

  • WHEELED THIS BIG BIRD DOWN AND DEEP FAT FRIED THIS THING AND IT

  • WAS (BLEEP) DISGUSTING.

  • >> Stephen: OH, IT'S SO GOOD.

  • >> DRY TURKEY?

  • THERE'S A REASON WHY WE ONLY EAT THAT BIRD ONCE A YEAR.

  • >> Stephen: OH!

  • >> ROAST IT.

  • OR BUTTER, BEAUTIFULLY DONE, BACON ON TOP.

  • BUT NOT DEEP FRIED.

  • FROM A CHEF POINT OF VIEW, COME ON!

  • SERIOUSLY.

  • >> Stephen: I WON'T.

  • I'M FROM THE SOUTH.

  • EVERYTHING IS DEEP FRIED.

  • WE DIP IT IN CONCRETE AND DEEP FAT FRY IT.

  • >> NO!

  • >> Stephen: THE NEW SERIES IS CALLED "THE F WORD."

  • >> YES.

  • >> Stephen: "THE F WORD."

  • WHICH I WAS ALOUD TO SAY ON CBS BECAUSE YOU'RE HERE.

  • NORMALLY I CAN'T SAY "F" WORD.

  • I CAN'T EVEN SAY THE EUPHEMISM?

  • >> REALLY.

  • >> Stephen: WE'RE VERY CLEAN HERE.

  • >> AT 11:35 AT NIGHT.

  • >> Stephen: YES, YES.

  • SO COULDN'T EVERY ONE OF YOUR SHOWS BE CALLED "THE F WORD"?

  • WHY IS THIS ONE CALLED "THE F WORD"?

  • >> THIS IS FUN, FOOD, AND FAMILY.

  • AND WE'RE LIVE -- >> Stephen: THAT WAS A

  • PRETAPE.

  • >> WE SORT OF GOT A LITTLE BIT OF NAUGHTINESS GOING ON SO THIS

  • WILL BE A COUPLE OF B.T.s FLOATING AROUND.

  • FAMILIES ARE COMPETING COOKING FOR THE ENTIRE DINING ROOM.

  • I HAVE KEVIN SPACEY NEXT WEEK, JAMES CORDON.

  • THEY'RE SERIOUS FOODIES.

  • WOULD YOU LIKE TO COME ON.

  • >> Stephen: I WOULD LOVE TO.

  • YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD LIKE MORE THAN THAT.

  • I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH AND

  • HAVE YOU YELL AT ME WHILE I DO IT.

  • >> SERIOUSLY.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

  • >> Stephen: READY?

  • >> OKAY, RIGHT.

  • SPREAD IS NICE AND EVENLY.

  • AND WHY ARE YOU USING WHITE, ANEMIC BREAD?

  • WOULDN'T YOU TOAST THAT FIRST?

  • >> Stephen: THERE'S NO TIME.

  • >> YOU'RE RIPPING THE BREAD ALREADY.

  • >> Stephen: IT'S TEARING.

  • >> YOU'RE TEARING THE BREAD.

  • >> Stephen: IT'S A THICKER PEANUT BUTTER THAN I'M USED TO.

  • >> IT'S ALL IN THE BLOODY MIDDLE, SPREAD IT OUT A LITTLE

  • BET.

  • THAT'S ENOUGH.

  • NOW THE CORNERS.

  • WHAT ABOUT THE CORNERS.

  • OTHERWISE THE ENDS ARE DRY.

  • >> Stephen: WATCH THIS.

  • >> NO, NO!

  • CORNERS!

  • SEE, NOW THAT-- THAT LOOKS A MESS.

  • >> Stephen: I CUT THE CORNERS OFF.

  • LOOK AT THIS.

  • LOOK AT THAT.

  • >> STEPHEN-- RIGHT.

  • RIGHT.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • RIGHT.

  • OKAY.

  • MAY I?

  • >> Stephen: SURE.

  • >> PLEASE, THAT LOOKS LIKE A PILE OF (BLEEP).

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: THAT'S $2 MILLION.

  • >> IT'S A HELICOPTER.

  • >> Stephen: IN THE WORDS OF A GREAT MAN, THAT'S A (BLEEP)

  • DISASTER.

  • "THE F WORD" PREMIERS NEXT WEDNESDAY ON FOX.

  • GORDON RAMSEY EVERYBODY. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH DAVID SEDARIS.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WELCOME BACK, EVERYBODY.

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B1 INT US TheLateShow StephenColbert stephen bleep chef ramsey turkey

Gordon Ramsay Critiques Stephen's PB&J

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    :P posted on 2018/04/08
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