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  • Oh boy look, Arthur valentine brought me plates and a salt shaker!

  • Chris Chris, settle down, it's actually time your father and i had a talk with you about Arthur valentine

  • Yeah that's uh, that's right, um son, I'm afraid Arthur Valentine isn't real

  • What?! Not real? *Chuckles* Then who leaves those notes with all the misspellings?

  • Well first Chris, English is a very fluid language

  • We're sorry but you're old enough now to know the truth, he, he doesn't exist

  • *Gasp* NO YOU'RE BOTH LYING!

  • *Worried* What are we gonna do? It seems like there's no getting through to him!

  • You know if Chris is this hard to convince we may just have to KILL Arthur valentine!

  • Wha? What do you mean?

  • Maybe we make Chris believe Arthur Valentine is dead!

  • Huh? Well we just might have to!

  • Hey, what's the matter Brian? Have you fallen and can't get up?

  • Turns out still using that joke is a felony. Guess I better not drop the soap!

  • That one's the death penalty.

  • Golden eagle to red shrew, ready for the plan? Come in red shrew.

  • Peter we did not decide on those names.

  • Chris come down here quick! I see Arthur Valentine outside! I think he's come to say hi!

  • Really?!

  • Yeah, look!

  • Oh my god, hi Arthur! I love you so much and I haven't cussed once today!

  • DAD GET THE BOWL OF TUNA FROM UNDER MY BED!

  • AHH! ARTHUR!

  • *Gasp* Oh my god he's dead! He's dead! *Cries*

  • Mission accomplished red shrew over and out.

  • Huh, that looks tasty! *eats*

  • Little walkie talkie piece.

  • 00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:23,220 Peter I'm really worried about Chris. The shock of seeing Arthur Valentine die seems to have really gotten to him! I've never seen him so depressed and catatonic!

  • Well you know, in Awakenings Robin Williams tossed a baseball to Robert De Niro and he snapped out of it and caught it! Maybe we do that!

  • Chris, you doing okay? It's Mom and Dad we thought we AWAKENINGS!

  • Peter I'm not sure that-- AWAKENINGS!

  • You're gonna hurt him-- AWAKENINGS!

  • Peter knock it off!

  • We never thought Chris would take things so hard, I think we went too far by killing Arthur Valentine, we have to bring him back to life!

  • What are you serious!?

  • It's the only thing that'll snap him out of it!

  • Well maybe but, what if I try it with a basketball? AWAKENINGS!

  • Oh god that broke his nose, he didn't even flinch, it's bad lets do your thing! Let's, let's twirl some toilet paper up into his nose and and then when we we'll do your thing.

  • Chris you gotta snap out of this, I mean I've been where you're at.

  • Listen, I've never told anyone this but I killed a jaywalker in 2002. She looked old but she was only 51 I mean back then that was old to me. It's why I always talk and ask questions so much

  • When there's any moment I'm quieter, I think about her. That's why all mothers do that, every mother has killed someone. Now drink your ginger ale.

  • Hey hey hey its Arthur Valentine here to accelerate awkwardly into a bush!

  • Dammit!

  • Arthur Valentine.

  • Chris! *gasp* You're okay!

  • But I saw him die! That can only mean one thing. He must be a ZOMBIE!

  • What? No! No no what?

  • AHHHH!

  • Ahh stop what the hell are you doing!? Ahh!

  • I've seen The Walking Dead! I have to destroy your brain and then talk about it for the next hour!

  • Chris take it easy you're gonna kill me!

  • Dad??

  • But, I dont, I, How di--

  • I'm not Arthur Valentine son

  • We're so sorry Chris. Now do you understand?

  • There is no Arthur Valentine?

  • We never meant to hurt you buddy.

  • Valentine's day would take a new meaning for Chris in the years to come. But he would remember none so bitter sweetly as this one. This is Joe Swanson, Signing off.

  • Joe your mom died.

  • Seriously?

Oh boy look, Arthur valentine brought me plates and a salt shaker!

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B2 H-INT US arthur valentine chris peter gasp ahh

Family Guy - Chris Has Been Traumatized

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    Jin Wang   posted on 2018/02/07
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