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  • - Next.

  • Next. Next.

  • Oh, sorry.

  • I'm gonna have to pull you aside. - For real?

  • - You see, we have to pull out one white person for every 20 brown people so we don't seem racist.

  • Just, uh, pretend like I'm searching you for weapons.

  • - Yeah, I should let you know I do have a hunting knife and a small handgun on me, so...

  • - No, you're good, man. - Cool.

  • - Yeah. - Pow.

  • - Yeah. Have a good one out there.

  • Next.

  • Every Airport ever

  • - Okay, here's your boarding pass, and you are aware that our carry-on policy is one bag that doesn't exceed 45 inches or 40 pounds.

  • (Silence)

  • - Totally. (rapid unzipping)

  • - Oh, wow. - Thanks, ma'am.

  • Whoa!

  • - Sir, we're gonna need to check your assh--e.

  • - Remember, all liquids over the 3.4-ounce limit are prohibited. Either dump it out, or drink it now.

  • - Argh!

  • My water! (gulping)

  • - Oh, my toothpaste!

  • - Ah, my liquid bombs!

  • (gulping)

  • 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:10,279 (screaming)

  • (Bang)

  • - Please remove all watches and jewelry..

  • - Sir, we need to pat you down.

  • - I'm gonna use the backs of my hands.

  • (detector warbles and beeps)

  • Clear. Thank you so much, sir.

  • Next.

  • - But couldn't they just take two 3-ounce bombs and then make a bomb with that?

  • (In an Outbackish Accent) Hi, yes.

  • I've lost my suitcase.

  • - Okay, can you describe it for me?

  • - Oh, yes, sure, it's-- it's black.

  • And it's got a zipper on it and wheels on the back so you wheel it around, and there's no name tags on it.

  • - Right? Uh, maybe you can help me with something a little more distinct.

  • - Right, right. Ah yes, there's clothes inside of it.

  • - Something that might help set it apart from literally every other suitcase on the planet and probably other planets.

  • - Right, right. I got a toothbrush.

  • Little toothbrush in there.

  • - Great, can you tell me the color of the toothbrush?

  • - I cannot. I brush my teeth in the dark with my eyes closed. I'm afraid of my own smile.

  • - Welcome to the airport, and you're sick.

  • (beep) - I'm sorry, sir. Step aside. I'm just gonna pat you down with the backs of my hands.

  • - Yeah, I know the drill.

  • - Wait, haven't I seen you like four times today already?

  • - Yeah, I realized getting pat down by the TSA is the most human contact I've had since my breakup with Denise.

  • - Turn around.

  • - Tell you what, I am done with women.

  • - Arms up.

  • - I don't even have a flight today.

  • - Turn back around.

  • - You can, uh-- you can use the front of your hands if you want.

  • - Sir, I don't--

  • - Shh. No one has to know.

  • - Does my baby count as carry-on or checked luggage?

  • - (sighing) Oh, God.

  • Yeah, I lost my suitcase.

  • - Okay, can you describe it for me?

  • - Sure, it's black. It has wheels and zippers. Oh.

  • And I left it in the cab on the way here.

  • - (heavy sigh)

  • Great, just give me one second.

  • - Sure, thank you.

  • - Hi, security? This man has a bomb.

  • - Hold on, wait. What? Aah!

  • (thuds, groans)

  • Every Airport Ever

  • - Hey, guys.

  • Thank you so much for watching this video, and for those of you that have never been to an airport before, I

  • hope you did-- you still laughed, and since there's a McDonald's in every airport, click the box on the left to watch Every

  • McDonald's Ever.

  • And if you want to see our fun little musical where we thank you guys, click the box on the right, and

  • And Uhh - I guess we'll see you next time. Love you. Bye.

- Next.

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B1 US airport suitcase toothbrush pat ounce mcdonald

EVERY AIRPORT EVER

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    Johnny Tsai posted on 2018/01/18
Video vocabulary