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  • I was a child once...all right into the stories.

  • I was a good kid growing up.

  • I did what my parents said, followed their rules, ate what they put on my plate,

  • Maybe a bit too well, flashback to the green bean incident (0.0)

  • My mom told me that when I was a small toddler, sometimes I'd have horrible tantrums

  • and rip all the sheets off my bed and sweep everything on my shelves onto the floor in an emotional outrage.

  • She'd have to crack my door open afterwards and say "are you done?" so she could help me put everything back

  • If I wasn't she'd lock me in my room for a bit longer as I continued being

  • an indignant little tornado and try again in ten minutes.

  • I've grown out of that phase, luckily.

  • I'm so conditioned to want to follow the rules and not do anything bad that people on multiple occasions have told me,

  • Jaiden, you're so good all the time. You've got to be rebellious every once in a while. And I say,

  • No... is that a start?

  • I was such an obedient kid. I've only been grounded once in my entire life, and that story is...pretty pathetic.

  • I was maybe six at the time and my parents were going out for a date night or whatever to get out of the house.

  • Understandable. Jaxon was a pretty exhausting kid to deal with.

  • So they left us with a babysitter.

  • Now as a kid, having a babysitter is emotionally conflicting.

  • On one hand, you don't want this Rando middle school kid to be telling you what to do

  • Go to bed, you're not my mom. You're not even old enough to go to the bathroom at school without asking for permission.

  • Don't tell me what to do. But on the other hand,

  • Babysitters let you get away with way more than your parents.

  • Oh, yeah, Mom always lets us have three Oreos. It's okay, it's fine. Don't worry...

  • Normally, we only get two Oreos. (Me: Wouldn't Jaxon know that?) Hehe, we're so sneaky.

  • It was getting late that night and before it was my bedtime,

  • I wanted to play outside on our rickety little playset.

  • Now I'd already gotten ready for bed.

  • I was in my pajamas and brushed my teeth, but I figured it's not past my bedtime yet, so everything's fair game.

  • So the babysitter watched me swing on the swings for like five minutes and then go down the slide one time.

  • In the morning when my parents were back, I woke up and they were like, "You're in trouble".

  • Did I do something?

  • What do you think you did? >:C

  • I don't know. D:

  • Why do adults say that to children by the way?

  • What do you think you did?

  • I don't know, seems like you don't even know what I did and they're trying to get me to rat myself out.

  • The babysitter told us,

  • that last night,

  • you played in the backyard in your pajamas.

  • Wat..?

  • We don't want you playing outside in your pajamas.

  • You're grounded tomorrow.

  • What the fu---

  • So I was grounded for a day because I played outside in my pajamas...

  • But I cheated like five minutes of TV by sneak watching from around the corner, so who's the rebellious one now?

  • There's this golf course a block or two down from my house that had a little lake,

  • and my dad and I would ride our bikes to it every once in a while to feed the ducks.

  • Also yes, I know ducks shouldn't eat bread. If you didn't know that, don't feed wild ducks bread.

  • Give him candy bars.

  • We were feeding the ducks, minding our own business, when all of a sudden we hear from across the lake:

  • Mable!

  • Mable!

  • There's a neighborhood of houses next to the golf course so people could look out and see the golfers.

  • And in the distance across the lake some lady was yelling, Mable! Mable!

  • Huh, wonder where Mable is.

  • Mable, get over here! What are you doing?

  • Sh...she---Oh!

  • She's talking to me!

  • MABLE, YOU'RE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!!

  • My dad and I didn't know what to do.

  • This lady in the distance thought I was Mable, when...I was not Mable.

  • I am Jaiden, but she didn't know that.

  • MABLE, what are you doing?! Get back here---

  • We pedaled away.

  • Now, let's put ourselves in the point of view of this lady across the lake.

  • She walks out into her backyard...

  • Huh, what a wonderful evening?

  • I think I'm gonna treat myself to some relaxation time out in my backyard.

  • Working my nine-to-five job and managing three children as a single mom sure is hard work,

  • Especially since my doctor says I need to lower my stress because it's starting to take a toll on my depression... (Me: jaiden something wrong?)

  • Okay, maybe a bit too much creative interpretation.

  • She's in the backyard, she looks out across the lake, and what?

  • Who's that? Is that is that little old Mable across the lake? How'd she get there?

  • And, wait, is that a strange man with her?

  • What the---Mable! What are you doing? Get over here!

  • That girl is in so much trouble when she gets back home...

  • I've told her so many times about the dangers of---is she pedaling away with him?!

  • I hope Mable wasn't in too much trouble when she got back home.

  • Uh...Sorry Mable. (Me: that's a parenting method...)

  • This story didn't happen necessarily during my childhood,

  • More teenagehood...but I think it's kind of funny, so I'm telling it.

  • I went ice skating with a couple of friends one winter maybe, when I was fifteen, sixteen.

  • It was busy, but not too busy.

  • Sidenote: One time my friend invited me to go ice skating and we were the only two there.

  • It was dope, but also felt like a weird ice rink Twilight Zone...

  • Anyway, so we were skating around. You know...like what we went there to do.

  • I'm not anywhere near close to a good ice skater,

  • but I hadn't fallen on my butt or head so I considered it a successful day.

  • After a while we decided to do one more loop around the rink, and right before we were done,

  • this little boy skates up to me.

  • I wasn't very old at the time, but he was definitely younger than me, maybe 13 or something, I don't know.

  • I looked down at him confused, and he goes,

  • I like your hat.

  • Oh, by the way, I was wearing a knitted hat that looked like a raccoon,

  • So, hehe, it was a good hat.

  • "Will you hold something for me?

  • Uh, oh, okay.

  • And I'll never forget what he says.

  • This is possibly one of the smoothest things I've ever heard from a little thirteen-year-old boy.

  • So he goes, "Can you hold something for me?", and I go like, Okay? What is it? And he goes...

  • My hand.

  • (Jazz music)

  • I had no expectations on what he was gonna say, but that one definitely caught me off guard. I was so startled by his...

  • What would you even call that? Pick-up line? Request?

  • that I stumbled back, forgetting I was on ice skates...

  • I didn't fall,

  • But I definitely did one of those weird

  • twisty maneuvers that your body pulls when it's off balance and trying not to fall down.

  • The boy skated off because I think he wasn't expecting to actually, physically, startle me.

  • Thinking about it, if you were to try and use a pick-up line on someone, and their immediate response is to be

  • so surprised they almost fall backwards...that...

  • I don't know how to interpret that.

  • Obviously it's not what you want, but I mean...that's gotta be some sort of achievement.

  • I wonder what would have happened if I decided to say yes to that kid, instead of... being a freaked out spaz.

  • Maybe there was something there, and we could have had a whole future with each other and had great times together,

  • and I'll never know. (laughs) (Me: I can just hear the longing...)

  • He's out there in the world right now, and I'm talking about him, and he probably doesn't even know it.

  • Do you like to make up fake life scenarios for other people?

  • I'm gonna pretend he's going to university to be an orthopedic surgeon. Look it up.

  • Okay, I'll just tell you.

  • It's a doctor who specializes in hands. See where I'm...yeah.

  • What if he tells his story every once in a while to his friends

  • Dude no, like, this one time when I was like, 13

  • I ice skated up to this random girl in an ice rink and asked her to hold my hand, even though I didn't know her.

  • Lol, random. She slipped on the ice though, and it was weird. I just skated away.

  • Meh. Yeah, nah, I..I actually don't really care, my life is pretty fine without him.

  • Have fun with your hand surgeries my dude.

  • Bye. :3

I was a child once...all right into the stories.

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My Childhood Stories

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    高慶煌 posted on 2017/09/24
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