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Elsa's gotta put a ring on it.
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Didn't you know we went that way, right? -Two. -She put two rings on it.
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Hey, what's up there?
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It's Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business and life you love.
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And today is Q&A Tuesday and this question comes from Fred who writes:
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"Hi, Marie.
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I've run a business for about 40 years and my question is this, how can I give more attention
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to my success and less attention to the setbacks?
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I noticed that when a deal falls through, it gets a lot more emotional bandwidth and
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feeling bad than the deals I make. I would like it the other way around.
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Thanks for your help, Fred."
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Fred, Fred, Fred, Fred, Fred.
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First of all, you guys, Fred's in business 40 years. Can we? Come on.
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And second of all, Fred, this is a great freaking question. Come on.
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And I'll tell you why, because I have wanted to do an episode about this for a very long time.
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Now, I am sure everyone watching right now can relate, because no matter who you are,
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no matter how experienced you are, or no matter how successful or accomplished you are, all
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of us tend to focus on that one negative comment – the one person that rejects us. Right?
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The tiny little sliver of customers who are just committed to being miserable.
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And the reason why is because of a well-documented phenomenon called negativity bias, which is
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the tendency for us humans to pay more attention and give more weight to negative experiences
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over neutral or positive ones.
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Now, I gotta say, this is not just some fancy psychological concept, people.
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This is real. This is how our brains are wired.
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They are wired to take in the bad and ignore the good.
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Now, I think we should talk about why.
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So here's the deal.
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This ancient brain circuitry helped our ancestors stay alive and for millions of years now,
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mother nature has been training us to overestimate threats and underestimate opportunities and resources.
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So back in the day humans would hear a noise in a bush and instantly think, "Tiger!"
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versus, "Hm, I wonder what that is.
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Is that Erik coming over for a cappuccino?"
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Now, while back in the day that hair-trigger readiness to think "tiger" and go negative
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was great, because it kept us alive, nowadays it just keeps us feeling awful.
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And it's not just about feeling bad in the moment.
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Negative experiences move more quickly into our long-term memory and, get this, negativity
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is terrible for your health.
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It can weaken your immune system, it can increase anxiety, and reduce your ambition.
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You know, my favorite expert on this topic is a guy named Dr. Rick Hansen
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who wrote Hardwiring Happiness, which I recommend.
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He puts it best.
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He says:
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"The brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones."
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So the missed sale, that unsubscribe, the refund, the nasty comment… that's what
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tends to stick.
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But the good news here, there are abso-smurf-ly things that you can do to neutralize negativity
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bias when it gets triggered and tip the scales towards the positive.
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In fact, here are three to get you started.
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Step number one is name it to tame it.
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Now, we have to start with self-awareness, because you cannot change what you don't notice.
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So step number one is to simply acknowledge what's going on when it happens.
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So the next time you get a zinger, do not let yourself start thinking that you suck
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or that everything is going to hell in a handbasket, because it's not.
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You just need to say to yourself or to someone else,
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"Ah, this is negativity bias.
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This is my brain's ancient circuitry doing its job to help keep me alive."
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Now, here's the thing, naming it doesn't instantly make the pain go away, but it does
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help to lessen the sting.
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Step number two is get deliberately distracted.
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So, if at all possible, distract yourself with something else intentionally.
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Now, this is all about learning how to put your attention where it serves you best, and
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that just takes practice.
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Because what you allow your mind to focus on shapes your brain.
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So rather than amplify the pain, really shift your attention to something more positive and productive.
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So, for example, you might want to whip out a piece of paper and start making the most
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epic gratitude list ever.
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Or you might want to throw yourself into a really good exercise class or go watch a fantastic
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movie or go help someone do something.
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Really, anything that can give your mind something else to focus on.
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Step number three is use the 20-second rule.
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Okay guys, so this is not a longer version of the three-second rule.
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Hey, how long has that lasagna been on the floor?
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Only about 18 seconds, buddy. You go to town.
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No. What I'm talking about here is internalizing any positive event by savoring the shizzle
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out of it for at least 20 seconds. You might be asking yourself, why? Here's the reason.
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Because the best way to combat negativity bias is to embed as many positive experiences
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and memories in our brains as possible.
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So, for example, let's say your friend sends you this email thanking you for a great weekend together.
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Don't just say, "Wow, that's sweet," and archive it. Don't do that.
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Spend at least 20 seconds soaking in the memories from that weekend.
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The goal here is to really cement that positivity in your mind.
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And if you ever forget about your brain's ancient circuitry, I want you to whip out
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this tweetable.
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"When your brain gives more weight to the negative, remember you have the power to tip the scale."
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That was my A to your Q, Fred.
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I really do hope it helps. And now I want to hear from you.
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So tell me, has negativity bias ever caught you off guard?
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It's certainly caught me off guard. What helps you tame your lizard brain?
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And a little challenge here, I want us to go beyond meditation and beyond EFT.
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Those are really both valid and important practices, but I would love to see some more variety too.
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Now, as always, the best conversations happen after the episode over at the magical land
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of MarieForleo.com, so go there and leave a comment now.
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Once you're there, be sure to subscribe to our email list and become an MF Insider.
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You're going to get instant access to an amazing audio training I created called How
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To Get Anything You Want, plus you'll get some exclusive content, some special giveaways, and
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personal updates from me that, frankly, I don't share anywhere else.
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Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams, because the world needs that special
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gift that only you have.
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Thank you so much for watching and I'll catch you next time on Marie TV.
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Have you been thinking about starting your own business?
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Is fear, confusion, or overwhelm slowing you down?
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Get the guidance you need to make your dream business come to life, guaranteed.
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Learn more at StartTheRightBusiness.com.
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In the meantime, coffee. You did a great job. We did a great job.
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We're a good team.
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Lasagna nipples, take one.
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We're doing it. We're doing it.
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Had to make it weird, ha ha.