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  • - I am so sorry I'm late, babe.

  • - Are you?

  • - Yeah, of course I am.

  • Traffic was terrible.

  • I'm sorry.

  • - I'm just confused as to how "sorry" gives me back

  • 20 minutes of my life.

  • - Uh, well, technically it doesn't

  • but you know, it's a nice gesture.

  • - You know what an even nicer gesture is?

  • Being on time.

  • - Okay, noted.

  • Be on time next time.

  • So, how's your morning?

  • - Horrible.

  • I couldn't sleep all night.

  • - Oh no.

  • Why babe?

  • - Because you snore.

  • - I don't snore.

  • - You don't just snore.

  • You disrupt my entire ecosystem.

  • - What, your ecosystem?

  • - Yeah, my ecosystem.

  • Okay, my biology.

  • You snore so God damn loud,

  • I can feel it in my endoplasmic reticulums.

  • Hi, can we please order?

  • - Uh, okay.

  • Other than my hypothetical snoring,

  • how was your morning?

  • - Don't do that.

  • Don't call something that's a fact hypothetical.

  • - What, it's not a fact.

  • - Well, it's not my opinion, so,

  • wait, and you mean, "how was my morning,"

  • other than the fact that you wasted my time

  • and my endoplasmic reticulums are doing the Harlem Shake?

  • Other than those two things, how was my morning?

  • Is that what you mean?

  • - Yes?

  • - Well, I walked into the washroom this morning

  • and there was water all over the God damn counter.

  • What the f did you do in there?

  • Free Willy?

  • - (chuckles) I mean, technically I did free my willy.

  • Yeah, I mean.

  • - Is that a penis joke?

  • Well, let's say that your hypothetical penis

  • was a sea animal.

  • It definitely wouldn't be a whale, okay?

  • It would be some sort of shrimp, like a squid

  • that gets scared too easily and squirts too early.

  • - Did you just air quote my penis?

  • Did I say something to you?

  • Why are you mad at me?

  • - Who the hell squeezes the toothpaste

  • from the top of the tube?

  • You're supposed to squeeze from the bottom, you moron.

  • - You have never had a problem

  • with my toothpaste pressing before.

  • - You don't look good in yellow.

  • - You bought me this shirt.

  • - And now you look like a demented Simpsons character

  • from Shelbyville.

  • Yeah, like Barney banged a Ms. Krabappel and you popped out.

  • Hi, yeah, how are you?

  • Could I please have the veggie burger?

  • Looks great.

  • Um, and whatever the f he wants.

  • Preferably something low in sodium,

  • because he's already so salty.

  • - I'll take the pork.

  • - Of course you will, pig.

  • - What's the matter with you?

  • - I'll tell you what's wrong with me, okay.

  • When you kiss me, I feel like a small fish

  • getting eaten by a bigger fish.

  • This is my mouth inside your mouth.

  • - No, no it's not.

  • - No, yeah, it is.

  • Okay, you engulf me.

  • You're like the Bermuda Triangle of kissers.

  • If I go missing, everyone, search his esophagus.

  • - You always said I was a great kisser.

  • - Yeah, I also said you were my first

  • and I like your mother.

  • People say things.

  • - You don't like my mother?

  • - She peeled the plastic off my new phone

  • before I even had a chance.

  • Who peels someone's new protective plastic off?

  • - You hate my mother because she peeled your plastic?

  • - You're damn straight and maybe, just saying,

  • if she was better at keeping the plastic on,

  • she wouldn't have had an accidental child.

  • - Oh my God, you are totally out of line.

  • - I don't think your father's your father.

  • There, I said it.

  • - What?

  • - Are you kidding me, both of your parents have brown eyes

  • and your eyes are blue.

  • - But these are from my grandfather.

  • - They're from an affair.

  • - Okay, alright, I give up.

  • Let's just, let's just eat,

  • and then give each other some space.

  • - Of course you give up.

  • That's what you do.

  • That's why you never get promoted

  • and Raaj Kumar's your manager.

  • Oh my God, not even racism can help you.

  • - Raaj Kumar is my senior.

  • That's why he got the promotion.

  • That's the only reason.

  • - If we both went to the airport right now,

  • you would be the one to get randomly searched.

  • That's how much you suck.

  • They're gonna take their hand

  • and stick it right up your butt

  • and I bet you'd like that, wouldn't you?

  • - Wow.

  • - To be real, I'm not even sure if I love you.

  • I know I said it in the card I gave you but

  • it was on sale.

  • Hey, babe, I'm sorry for all the stuff I said.

  • I didn't mean it.

  • I think I was just hungry.

  • So good.

  • - What's up everyone, it's your girl superwoman.

  • If you like this video, give it a big thumbs up.

  • You know the drill.

  • The last video over there, second vlog channel over there

  • and you should subscribe.

  • I make new videos every Monday and Thursday.

  • Now, preorder my book, How To Be A Bawse.

  • That is a wrap and zoom.

- I am so sorry I'm late, babe.

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B1 US snore penis hypothetical kumar babe ecosystem

When People Get Hangry

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    ann posted on 2017/08/22
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