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  • Okay, Jarvis. I just gave my home address to an international terrorist and challenged him to a fight...

  • I want you to cancel all dectective work rendering projects,

  • and focus ALL of our resources on defending my house from attack. Alright?

  • Very well, sir!

  • Shall I engage the "House Party" protocol now then?

  • Sure why not.

  • *gasp*

  • TANK MISSILES!!!!

  • So who's bullying you?

  • How'd you know I get picked on at school?

  • Because you hang out with middle age guys in garages.

  • Oh.

  • Here kid, have a weaponized flare to use on a bully or... whatever.

  • Is this legal?

  • You're Freakin Me OUT!

  • Aaaauggahahuahuuuuhhhhh!

  • You realize this is the exact premise of the Pixar film "Incredibles."

  • What?! No!

  • Yes.

  • No it isn't!

  • Yes it is.

  • I met you a long time ago, hurt your feelings,

  • which pushed you over the edge,

  • and now your a super villain currently with the upper hand,

  • and I'm temporarily trapped.

  • It's totally the same story.

  • This is not! ... First of all...

  • I'm surprised Tony Stark even knows that movie well enough to reference it's story line,

  • And secondly!

  • What do you mean "temporarily trapped"?

  • Your hands are totally permanently secured in those zip ties. You're not going anywhere.

  • You are Syndrome and I am Mr. Incredible.

  • This is not the same! I can breathe fire!

  • I even have a black friend who helps me fight crime...

  • AND he even has a super suit.

  • Oh my gosh, this is totally The Incredibles!

  • You know what bugs me?

  • What?

  • When the president is held hostage in the Iron Patriot suit...

  • the suit is completely useless.

  • But when Rhodey puts it on, everything works completely fine.

  • That's what bothers you?

  • Yeah, that bugs me.

  • Well you know what bugs me?

  • How you got all the way back to Gotham City

  • after climbing out of that prison on the other side of the planet!

  • Why don't you explain that?

  • Why do so many people have a problem with this? I said...

  • It's Because I'm Batman!

  • Can we get back to the story please?

  • Fine. Continue.

  • Hey how come your bra didn't burn in the fire?

  • What?

  • Tony!

  • The world's in danger! It's time to assemble!

  • We need you!

  • Raaar-Avengers....

  • Need Tony!

  • Need Suit!

  • Oh you guys ARE still around!

  • I'm sorry everyone. I just blew up all of my suits.

  • I'm kind of a changed man now.

  • Why would you blow up all of your suits!?

  • See it was sort of metaphorical...

  • showing Pepper that she's more important than any mission and...

  • and I'm more than just a suit.

  • Plus it's Christmas.

  • Hazaaaah!

  • I heard your call my brothers and sister!

  • Let us go forth to victory!

  • Tony just blew up ALL of his suits!

  • Sayeth WHAAAAAAAT?!

  • Why woudst thou do this?!

  • Yeah, Stark is out. He's... He's totally whipped.

  • But I might have an alternate.

  • Pepper! You're basically like terminator 2 now...

  • You wanna take Tony's place on this one?

  • Me?

  • Yeah girl! You wanna go save the world?

  • Really? That actually sounds exciting!

  • She can't replace me! What just happened here?

  • She killed the Mandarin!

  • With my tech! Guys I blew up all of my suits, but that doesn't mean I'm not still Iron Man.

  • So you wanna go with us?

  • Okay!

  • OH thanks a lot guys! Come on! Pepper!

  • I love you sweetheart!

  • She can't replace me!

  • I am Iron Man! You hear me!?

  • I AM IRON MAN!

  • So is Jarvis!

  • So are you retired now or what?

  • I don't know! Are you retired now?!

  • Well I know I'm not retired.

  • I'm just getting started.

  • Here hang on to these for me will ya?

  • What the! Gross!

  • I'll be right back.

  • Rebooooooot!

  • I am Iron Man.

  • I'm Batman.

  • So get your "Mandarin's Margarine" today!

  • You'll never see this sweet buttery imitation coming.

  • yeah I know, it's totally disappointing.

  • *singing* I am ALSO Iron Man!

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  • Yeaaaaaaah!

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Okay, Jarvis. I just gave my home address to an international terrorist and challenged him to a fight...

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B1 iron man iron tony suit retired totally

How Iron Man 3 Should Have Ended

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    tbrain posted on 2013/07/20
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