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  • I'm Chad Wild Clay

  • and you are about to learn

  • all the secrets...

  • to getting famous,

  • here on YouTube.

  • So, come with me on a journey.

  • But first!

  • Let me put on my glasses,

  • to give you the illusion

  • that I'm actually smart.

  • AND LET'S GO!

  • ALRIGHT!

  • I know you guys are gonna find this one hard to believe

  • but secret number 1...

  • is

  • you actually have to make videos. (DUH)

  • (Laughter)

  • And you might be surprised but

  • at least a couple times a week

  • I get someone asking me:

  • "Hey can you give my channel a shout out? Can you give me a shout out?",

  • and sometimes I go and check out

  • their channel.

  • AND A LOT OF THE TIME!

  • Here's what I see.

  • No uploads.

  • No channel.

  • But now you may be thinking

  • "AW MAN!

  • That's a lot of work.

  • I gotta be good at creating videos,

  • and I gotta be funny."

  • WRONG!

  • Making actually good videos, is bad.

  • I mean look at this video I stumbled upon fairly recently.

  • It's one of the funniest and smartest comedy music videos I have seen in awhile.

  • And it clearly took them weeks

  • and thousands of dollars to make.

  • But after four months, they finally just hit 10,000 views.

  • NAW GUYS!

  • You got it all wrong!

  • What you gotta do is create:

  • BAD VIDEOS.

  • That's what people wanna see here on YouTube.

  • Set up the tripod,

  • one take,

  • and bam!

  • 10 Million views.

  • SEE?

  • "Ah man but even creating bad videos means i gotta be creative,

  • and come up with ideas."

  • WRONG!!!

  • Secret Number 2...

  • Just copy other youtubers!

  • Alright,

  • so what kinda videos should i copy?

  • Well,

  • SECRET#3

  • 'Fake Pranks'

  • Don't be like Steve Green and do real pranks and get 100,000 of views.

  • Fake your pranks and get millions of views!

  • Secret #4

  • Challenges...

  • - Oreo Challenge -

  • - Oreo Challenge - - Soda Challenge -

  • - Oreo Challenge - - Soda Challenge - - Chinnamon Challenge -

  • Whatever challenges have been done before, you just redo `em yourself!

  • Secret #5

  • Scream a whole lot while playing video games.

  • I don't think we need to go onto a whole lot of detail here,

  • which leads into Secret #6.

  • Minecraft!

  • Do anything Minecraft and you are guaranteed to become famous.

  • (Music)

  • Secret #7

  • Five Nights at Freddy's.

  • But I gotta warn you:

  • Once you start making videos for them, you cant stop.

  • Take it from from my buddy KSick who's now being told he should die,

  • because he stopped make "Five Nights at Freddy" videos.

  • - "I hate to say this but..." - I don't believe you.

  • "I really hope you die."

  • "Like i honestly hope you fucking die."

  • *COUGHING*

  • Damn dude!

  • #8

  • Daily Vlogs.

  • Everybody loves to watch somebody else's life,

  • cause their own life is super boring.

  • Let them watch your life!

  • Secret #9

  • 'Hauls'

  • Just go out and buy a bunch of crap,

  • bring it home

  • and then show everybody what you bought.

  • Don't have a lot of money?

  • Well, head on down to the Dollar Store.

  • Come on back and do a video haul!

  • Secret #10

  • 'Tag Videos'

  • I'm talking about the boyfriend tag and the girlfriend tag, in particular.

  • Secret #11

  • The one I follow the most closely!

  • Parodies!

  • Everybody loves parodies, and if you can make parodies, you're guaranteed success!

  • Secret #12 Eat disgusting food, 'cause nobody wants to eat disgusting food!

  • But everybody wants to watch you eat disgusting foods.

  • Now all of those ideas seem like it takes a little too much talent or a little too much work.

  • What you can do is 'React Videos'.

  • What you do is you take somebody else's video and you just film yourself:

  • Watching it.

  • Now even that's a little too much work because you know you gotta put your face

  • in there and everything, what you can do is you can make 'Vine Compilation', so you

  • can just steal everybody else's Vine Videos, compile them together and just

  • upload that to YouTube. Now stealing people's videos and even worse all the

  • work that it takes to combine all those videos together is just too much for you?

  • Then why not just steal one and then just slap on your own little intro and...

  • there you go!

  • Ok, so now you decided what kind of video you're gonna make but now you're wondering:

  • "How should I act in the video, how should I look?"

  • BE ATTRACTIVE! Everybody knows this, come on! This isn't news. Let's move on to #17.

  • Scream at the computer!

  • Secret #18. Swear or act like an idiot and just hate on everything.

  • If you want to get into the beauty side of this YouTube industry, than what you

  • need to do is you need to act stuck up and then put on so much makeup, that

  • people can hardly recognize you.

  • Secret #20 is to act like you're rich even if you're not,

  • which if you follow these tips you're gonna be richer very soon... eh eh eh!

  • Secret #21 1)Have a high pitched voice... 2)Have an accent. Accents are sexy,

  • unique and memorable. Have an accent!

  • Alright so you know what kind of video you're going to make, how you're going to act,

  • how you're going to look. Now we need to sprinkle in some of those extra YouTube

  • seasonings, to really spice it up our recipe here.

  • Secret #23 Pets!

  • If you can have cute adorable pets in your videos... tada!!!

  • Secret#24 You got to have some pillows sprinkled behind you. You know some of those

  • "Subscribe", "Like" pillows...

  • Secret #25 Use 'Memes' !

  • I'm talking about... (1st meme) I'm talking about... (2nd meme)

  • Whatever is currently trending just throw those memes right in your videos.

  • Secret #26 Jump cuts! The more jump cuts you add... the better. Because everybody

  • has a short attention span, and you need to keep them interested.

  • Act cheesy, have some really bad puns and if you can shed a tear or two, everybody loves a good cry section.

  • Alright so you've got your video made, now you need to make sure that people click into it.

  • I now present to you the most effective, time tested proven method, since the dawn YouTube's:

  • "Boobs in the thumbnail!"

  • "Boobs in the thumbnail!" "Boobs in the thumbnail!"

  • "Boobs in the thumbnail!" "Boobs in the thumbnail!" "Boobs in the thumbnail!"

  • "Boobs in the thumbnail!" "Boobs in the thumbnail!" "Boobs in the thumbnail!" "Boobs in the thumbnail!"

  • But let's not stop there, let's go to... Secret #29: 'Red Circle' into the thumbnail.

  • Let's just add a red circle somewhere, and people go: "Wow! What the heck! I'm curious now!"

  • Secret #30 Add a censor bar in your thumbnail. Similar to the red circle and

  • makes people go:

  • "Uh?! What's underneath that sensor bar?"

  • Alright so you've got the perfect thumbnail that people can almost just not resist clicking into,

  • but you need to pair it with a really good title:

  • CLICK BAIT!!!

  • Something like: "My pet Gerbil has cancer."

  • But then when they click into it's just you playing Minecraft!

  • Let's go to secret #32: Put 'For Free' in the title.

  • ยง

  • Secret #34: Gone Sexual!

  • Works every time!

  • And to finish up our secrets for the title, let's go to Secret #34:

  • THE CHECK!

  • You got to add that little check mark at the end, it's very eye-catching and

  • people click it... I don't know.

  • Alright she's got an irresistible thumbnail and title, but you're not

  • getting any views.

  • What's going on? Well YouTube is not showing your video to anybody.

  • First of all you have no hope of getting on YouTube homepage, that is reserved

  • exclusively for people who are not... youtubers,

  • oddly enough. First thing we'll see is the main video being promoted here is

  • the Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon and then the next section is Catch Up on Late Night.

  • Oh, more Late Night videos! As soon as we scroll down a little bit further we have

  • sports highlights that we have some more Late Night, we have Jimmy Kimmel Live,

  • Jimmy Fallon's lip sync battle, the Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon, then sport again,

  • the Saturday Night Live,

  • the Ellen Show, more sport, Vevo of course, hey... another Late Night,

  • Konan 'O Brian there (popular right now), Netflix... so YouTube is saying: "Hey man go leave

  • YouTube and go watch Netflix!" That's really smart YouTube! And then to finish up

  • with the homepage, why not one more of the Late Night Show.

  • So you're never going to end up there, so we need a different strategy, and that

  • different strategy is to show up in search, and how do you do that?

  • We're going to spam your tags in the title, in the description of your video and then

  • down in the tag section.

  • Alright so you've done that but yet you're not still showing up in search,

  • what's going on?

  • Well YouTube algorithm only wants you to be popular, if you're already popular!

  • Uhm... that's kind of a catch-22, uh?! You see if you upload a video and doesn't get a lot of

  • views or watch time in the first 72 hours...

  • "This isn't popular enough we're checking it out of here." But if you're already

  • popular doesn't even matter if the video is good or not, if it gets a lot of views

  • in the first 72 hours, it's going to be pushed up.

  • Oh... did you do secret number 11 and make a parody video? Well I'm sorry to say

  • that YouTube thinks there's only one person who makes parodies.

  • I'm not jelly at all, of course not! Oh... you did secret number 4 and you

  • decided to do an Oreo challenge video?

  • Alright and here we have the first page of results and it's looking like

  • you need at least 500,000 subscribers to show up on the first page here.

  • If you have one or two or three or four million that's a lot better. Oh... you know,

  • there is one video on here that has under 500,000 subscribers.

  • They have only a measly 309,000 subscribers. Uh... but we'll let

  • them pass they can be on this page because he's brother with this guy here,

  • who has four million subscribers!

  • Ok, so you're not going to show up on the YouTube homepage, you're not going to

  • show up in YouTube search,

  • how are people gonna find you? Secret #36: Collabs!

  • The bigger YouTube channels probably don't want to collaborate with small YouTube channels,

  • unless they're actually really talented.

  • So that, kind of rules out that whole idea. "Have a lot of money and promote yourself!"

  • That's right! Google encourages you to promote your own videos on YouTube.

  • It'll cost maybe five to ten cents per view. But hey! If you're rich you can give yourself lots of views!

  • What's that? You're not rich? Oh man... you're making this so difficult.

  • Time travel back to the year 2005, things were a lot easier back then.

  • I'm guessing you don't have a time machine?! So hack and spam your way to success!

  • Spam for likes, spam for subs, spam both comment sections, anything you can do. Eh eh eh!

  • Alright, so you're hacking and spamming is working, you're getting some views...

  • maybe you got a little bit lucky on some of the search results, but you're

  • getting those views but you're not getting subscribers. What's going on?

  • Well silly that's because... Secret #40 "You hate to ask people to subscribe!"

  • Even though they clicked that little subscribe button hundreds of times before...

  • you can't expect them to remember to click that when they see a video they like... come on?!

  • So you're getting people to subscribe to your channel now, whatever

  • you do, do not upload a video once every six months. In fact if you're going to

  • upload less than once a week,

  • just give up now! Upload more, yeah that's right, upload more, once a week, twice a

  • week, three times a week, every day... it's all about quantity over quality.

  • In order to do that, that means you have to follow, Secret #43:

  • "Edit all day!" And now that you're editing those two videos a day, all day long...

  • Secret #44:

  • "Have no life!" Welcome to YouTube! You are now successful on YouTube...

  • But you have no life!

  • Alright that's it, got to go. "Hey wait! You told me there was 69 hacks!"

  • Yep, well number 45 says: "Audience retention drops

  • down below thirty five percent",

  • it's time to end that video and we are well past that mark. Hope you guys liked

  • that video and please do leave a comment down below, because the next rip we're

  • gonna be making is actually...

  • "Chask number two". Which is "Ask Chad", so feel free to ask me any questions down

  • below, and I'm gonna upload that on the day that we hit 200,000 subs. Is going

  • to be a 200,000 subscribers special. It should be a good day and I will see you

  • this coming Thursday, with a brand-new crap music parody.

I'm Chad