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  • Thank you so much. I feel the same way about you.

  • Have a seat. Thanks for being here.

  • That is the perfect amount of applause,

  • and any more would be superfluous.

  • [audience laughter]

  • That's a word that means "more than enough."

  • [audience laughter]

  • Yeah, Portia gave me a "Word of the Day" calendar, so--

  • [audience laughter]

  • I like to learn new things.

  • I'm not just a pretty face.

  • [audience laughter]

  • For instance, do you know what a lifehack is?

  • Does everybody know what a lifehack is?

  • [audience reacts] Everybody?

  • Does anybody not know? Good, okay, good, here it is.

  • It's a tip or a trick that can make your life easier,

  • and if there's one thing that I'm on this Earth to do,

  • it's to make your life easier.

  • So I want to share some lifehacks with you

  • in case you have not heard of these,

  • because they're-- they're helpful.

  • [audience laughter]

  • Here's the first one. Okay, first of all,

  • you should always, always keep grapes in your freezer.

  • Trust me on this. I'll tell you why,

  • if you don't know this already.

  • [audience laughter]

  • So if you're having a party, or if it's just Tuesday,

  • you want to have a glass of wine,

  • but that fancy bottle that you bought from 7-Eleven is not cold. [audience laughter]

  • You can use grapes instead of ice cubes,

  • and that way it doesn't water down--

  • You just put the grapes in, and it doesn't water down the wine.

  • [cheers and applause]

  • I learned this from Martha Stewart,

  • and if Martha Stewart does it, it can't be wrong, right?

  • [audience laughter]

  • But that's great--I think it's great for anything,

  • 'cause when you put ice cubes in,

  • it waters it down, so you put that in your vodka, your tequila, your-- [audience laughter]

  • Keep some grapes in your freezer.

  • Okay, this next one, if you're on a plane, or anywhere, really,

  • and you want to watch something on your phone.

  • You know, people send you videos, or even if you want to watch a movie or something on a plane,

  • but you don't want to hold your arm up for that long,

  • because you haven't worked out.

  • [audience laughter]

  • You take your glasses,

  • and you put your glasses down like that,

  • and then you put your phone down like that,

  • and it's-- [cheers and applause]

  • [cheers and applause]

  • I know! [cheers and applause]

  • [cheers and applause]

  • Now listen, if you need glasses to see it, I can't help you,

  • because-- [audience laughter]

  • Or put your sunglasses down and use your glasses.

  • Okay, this next one is--

  • How many of you lose your corkscrew all the time?

  • Or your corkscrew breaks because the corkscrew thing wears out, 'cause you drink constantly?

  • [audience laughter]

  • Here's what you do: you take...

  • A screw and a screwdriver,

  • and you screw it-- so you have to have this,

  • so maybe... [audience laughter]

  • You do have to have a screw and a screwdriver, but--

  • You screw it in, and then you take a fork,

  • and all you do...

  • [audience murmuring]

  • [audience laughter]

  • Come here, tWitch.

  • [audience laughter]

  • I've already bent the fork.

  • Right.

  • All right, do you think it's the other way?

  • I think it's the other way.

  • All right.

  • [audience laughter]

  • It's fine, it's just the--

  • Just give me a second.

  • You're gonna--

  • No, I got it, I got it.

  • - No. - I got it, see?

  • - No, you're putting it-- - Life is hacked.

  • - You're putting it into your skin.

  • Oh, wow. [cheers and applause]

  • [cheers and applause]

  • - Life is hacked. - All right.

  • Thank you. Thank you.

  • [cheers and applause]

  • All right, so, you have to live with tWitch, but still.

  • [audience laughter]

  • Nothing wrong with that. Okay.

  • And here's-- this is the last hack.

  • This is--if you have toilet paper rolls,

  • which are handy for all kinds of things,

  • People use them to keep-- like, you organize your cords,

  • and put your cords in there.

  • You can keep your rolls of wrapping paper from un--

  • See? I'm helping. [audience laughter]

  • So here's my favorite use for that.

  • So if you want to listen to music,

  • but you don't have any speakers, what you do is,

  • [plays music on phone]

  • [music is amplified] [audience reacts]

  • [cheers and applause]

  • And then you dance!

Thank you so much. I feel the same way about you.

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Ellen's Life Hacks

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    Jade Weng posted on 2017/06/26
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