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I know what you're thinking.
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This looks bad.
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But I assure you,
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I have everything under contr-UGH!
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Okay, maybe not.
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Ugh, such a dirty shoe.
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First things first.
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I'm not your average teenager.
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I never get to grow up with a family with bikes and candy.
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My family was an international network of killers.
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I bike with a Falcon Recon 23X,
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and the closest thing I ever got to candy was...
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Well, I did get a lolipop once
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but that's not the point!
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As long as I remember, I've been trained to become an A.S.S.,
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an Agent of Secret Stuff.
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For 17 years I trained alongside with one of the cruelest, boldest, most heartless killer of all the A.S.S.es,
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Tracy.
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- It's a man's name...!
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3 months ago, on the final day of my training,
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Tracy brought me in front of a panel,
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the highest ranked A.S.S.es.
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I'm talking top quality A.S.S.
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- Aden, for the past 17 years you have been like a son to me.
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We've been on missions around the world,
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prevented various global disasters and saved countless lives.
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And now, it's time for you to become an official Agent of Secret Stuff.
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But, before I give you your Honorary Operative License Entitlement,
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your H.O.L.E.,
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you have one more assignment you must complete.
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- But... Sir! With all due respect, I devoted my life to training.
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- You will follow orders!
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- But... But why?! I already did all the hard stuff!
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- We are A.S.S.es!
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We do not complain when things get too hard.
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We push on through, and we take it.
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- But you said...
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- Enough!
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Please, tell Aden his assignment.
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- Aden, we need you for a special assignment that only you can execute!
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The Society Involving Not-so-good Stuff, a.k.a. the S.I.N.S.,
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they have been our mortal enemies for decades.
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And now, they have found a new target,
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Taylor Rentrol, a high school senior.
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We need an agent on the inside.
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We believe that the S.I.N.S. have already infiltrated the school with assassins of their own!
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Your mission is to pose as a high school student and protect Taylor from impending threats!
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- But... why are they after Taylor?
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- That will be revealed at a later time,
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in like, 30 minutes?
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We have already made preparations for your enrollment.
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A spot has been made available in all of Taylor's classes.
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She must not know that she is in danger!
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This is a new world for you!
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High school students are the most dangerous and misunderstood citizens that you will ever come across!
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You must operate cautiously.
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- I will not fail.
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- Cool, peace out.
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- Oh yea, come here.
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Guys, I need your attention just for one second.
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Hey!
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Shut up. We have a new student.
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His name is um... Jose McDonald.
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Yea, obviously.
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Why don't you say Hi, Jose.
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Right on man, you're gonna fit in perfectly.
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Why don't you take a seat in front of Bieber there?
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You guys open up your Visions book to Chapter 14.
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- Hey, I'm Taylor, Can I help you with something?
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- Ho-lah, I'm "Joezy".
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- Isn't it pronounced as "Jose"?
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- Is that what you want it to be?
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So it's gonna be like our code word for "danger"?
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- What are you talking about?...
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- You know, I'll be "Hose A", you'll be "Hose B".
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- Are you okay?
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- Taylor, zip it up and shut your face hole.
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These kids are trying to learn.
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- Thanks a lot.
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- You're welcome.
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- Hey Taylor, can I borrow your pencil sharpener?
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- Yea sure, Melvin.
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Suspect will require a pencil sharpening tool to convert the writing stick into a weapon.
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By inserting the yellow thing into the green thing, the dull thing will turn into a sharp thing.
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He will then proceed to jump behind his target while she is pre-occupied,
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and apply a fatal impending weapon into her jugular artery!
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- There you go.
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- Give the sharpener back.
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- What's your problem?
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- What do you take me for, a fresh--man?
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Give the sharpener back.
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- Jose, what are you doing?
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- Fine, Jeez.
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- What was that all about Jose?
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- Don't worry, I got you. "Hose B".
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- Alright, class, that's it.
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Remember, Chapter 15! Read it... or not, it's your future.
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Oh by the way, pop quiz next week! You guys know the drill.
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Oh, Taylor, I'll need to speak with you after class, if you have a moment.
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Good work today, guys. I was kidding.
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Remember these days, kids. You will miss them.
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See you tomorrow!
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Hey, Taylor, I want to talk to you about the... the homecoming dance.
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I know it is kinda a thing that you are planning with the student council.
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But we do have a lot of volunteering that is coming up, you know,
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make sure you still have time to do that.
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- No, definitely, it should be fine.
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We are almost done planning.
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- Okay alright, I trust you. You're not like the other bastards in this class.
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You're the good one.
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- Thanks, I appreciate it. Is that it?
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- Alright I'll see you later. - Bye.
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- Don't you ever do that again.
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- Excuse me?
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- I said, don't you ever do that again.
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Keeping Taylor in the room alone is not safe.
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- Oh yea, I forgot, you are right.
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I didn't know what I was thinking otherwise I'll be... Who the hell are you?
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- Well, I am the new kid, remember?
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You just introduced me.
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- Get the hell out of my class!
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- I am glad that we had this talk.
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- Hey there, son.
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I am glad I found you.
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I hope you enjoyed your first day of school so far.
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I just wanted to give you your new locker assignment.
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Actually, you are quite lucky, a new one just opened up the other day.
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- Oh, hey!
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Wow, your locker is next to mine.
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I wonder where Billy went.
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- Yea, strange huh, Ha ha ha ha...
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- Well if we gonna see each other this much,
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why don't we just start over?
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Hi, Jose, I'm Taylor. Nice to meet you.
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- Nice to meet you too.
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- It's called a handshake, Jose.
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You're so silly, it's like you've never made a friend before.
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- "You will follow orders!" - "Ahhh..."
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- Hey Taylor!
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- Oh hey, what's up, how are you?
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- I'm good. Did you finish that paper in English?
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- No, not yet, it is due soon? In two days...
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Suspect from across the hall examines his target, his eyes indicate he is aiming for the most exposed and vital area, her chest.
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Only 3 steps away from pumping her with barrages of bullet punches straight to her ribcages that will no doubt stop her heart forever for life!
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- What are you looking at?!
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- Bye Jose!
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- Bye!
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- I said, what were you looking at?
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- Chill out, Man, I'm just checking out Taylor's rack, she is looking especially hot today.
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- Her rack?
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- Yea, man, her knockers.
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- So you were trying to knock her!
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- No, man, I am talking about her boobs!
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- You know, these things?
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- Oh, okay then, as long as you were not looking at that ribcage.
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You stay the hell away from that ribcage!
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- Bryson! New guy!
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- I'm gonna destroy you!
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Your face is gonna be so ugly when I am done with your face, cause... it's kinda handsome right now.
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Ah.....!
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- I wasn't ready! I want a rematch!
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Target is greatly outnumbered by opposition, each of them possesses some sort of netted-stick weapon.
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Surrounded and unaware, she is vulnerable to attacks from all directions!
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- Jose? Where did you come from?
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- You almost took a shuttlecock to the face.
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- But how did you...?
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- What are you doing?! Come on! Let me go!
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How did I even get here?! Let me go! Come on!
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- How did you do that?
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- He's like... incredibly fast and strong.
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- He's like a mystical creature that is fast and strong.
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- I know, right? He's like a... a unicorn!
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- But a human... a "humacorn".
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- Stop it guys, he's just different.
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- He's a freak.
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- I don't know, I think he is kinda cute the way he takes everything so seriously.
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- It's kinda creepy... don't you think?
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- He's harmless, he's like a little puppy that just wants all your attention.
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- A "humacoruppy"!
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- You girls are ridiculous. Let's go.
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- I think Taylor has a crush.
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"High school students are the most dangerous and misunderstood citizens that you will ever come across!"
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- What happened?
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- Slippery floors...
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- What?
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- Probably didn't see the "Piso Mojado" sign...
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- What?
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- Yea, let's just...
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- But what about my...
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- Uhh... yea, so I hope you have a good first day at school.
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- You're still alive, so it's a great day.
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- Okay, I'll see you later.
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Oh, are you coming this way too?
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- Hey, so I was talking to Mr. Anderson about the event coming right after homecoming.
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I am gonna need a lot of help planing that event. I don't know how...
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- No...!
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- Ah..! Oh my god!
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Get out of my room!
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- Don't throw things... No!
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- Get away from me! Ah...!
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- Alright, I am not gonna hurt you.
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You just need to... just calm down, Okay?
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- Okay...
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- Are you trying to get yourself killed?
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Did you know what you just almost did but didn't do because I didn't let you do what you wanted to do?
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- Yes?
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- No! You don't!
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Do you know what this is?
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This is Little Miss Double Rainbow Girly Cookies and you almost eat them all the way.
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You don't even know who has handled this or who could have poisoned this.
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- What?
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- Look, I've been trying to stay undercover but you are making this too damn difficult.
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First, first you handed over a pencil sharpener to someone with a pencil.
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Do you wanna get stab in the neck?
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And then, you almost took a shuttle cock to your face. Do you know how much that hurts?
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Have you ever have a shuttle cock to your face before? No, you haven't. It hurts, I know.
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Now you are eating cookies, you're eating cookies! Do you wanna get poisoned?...And fat?
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Your carelessness is driving me insane!
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- I am driving you insane?
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My friends are right.. you are a freak...
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I know exactly what you are...
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- Oh you do, alright then say it, say it out loud.
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- Unicorn...
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- What? Unicorns don't even exist, in North America, probably.
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- Then who... What are you?
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- Alright look, I am gonna be completely honest with you.
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I'm not really a Mexican. My name is not Jose, it's Aiden.
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And I'm an A.S.S.
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- Yea, you are.
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- No, you don't understand. Look, I am in the final stages of becoming an Agent of Secret Stuff.
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And my last mission was to come here and protect you.
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- Protect me? From who?
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- The S.I.N.S.!
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- Is this all just to get me to go to church?
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- Oh my god... You're stupid.
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Alright, okay, here, here is the whole story.
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Back in WWII, a group of fleeing Nazi special agents formed a society of assassins to secretly revenge the Axis of power. This group is called the Society Involving No-so-good Stuff.
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One of the assassins only known as X when he could no longer support such a war in the world... fled the S.I.N.S. and started his own group of killers to battle all the S.I.N.S. plans.
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They were known as the Agent of Secret Stuff. That's me.
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The battle between A.S.S. and S.I.N.S. still continues today,
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and you are the S.I.N.S.'s latest target, to which I am assigned to prevent you from being killed.
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- But why me?
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- I have no idea why, but I never question my orders.
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"But why? I already did all the hard stuff."
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- Wow...
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You are seriously out of your mind. Can you leave?
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- But Taylor, you are in danger.
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- Stop! No I am not!