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  • here we will explore

  • true facts about marsupials marsupials. Marsupials

  • is this being the best shot it looks like pornography??

  • nature - that's better. Marsupials

  • - he just took it in the noodle. Marsupials are meta-theorians

  • a group of mammals that split off from are Eutherian ancestors over 160

  • million years ago

  • they may look like other mammals, but inside

  • marsupials are hiding something that doesn't exist

  • -what?? Marsupials lack the ability to grow a placenta

  • reaches an organ that looks a bit like a bloody pillow

  • it acts as a waste and nutrient exchange

  • and protects the baby from its mother's immune system

  • which allows human babies for example to mature inside the womb

  • trust me the cartoon version is much better-looking.

  • Lacking the protection of a placenta

  • Marsupial babies have to get the hell out quickly

  • the kangaroo baby emerges after only seven weeks in the

  • (laughs - oh my god) - it looks like a dog penis that's trying to escape!

  • run little red rocket, run! It is blind,

  • but remarkably has fully functional forelimbs

  • and it uses them to climb up the mothers mid-line

  • till it reaches the pouch. Looks looks like Voldemort

  • at the end of the series! (laughs) The pouch is a bit like a pocket

  • but it has nipples in it. The baby latches on to the nipple

  • and the nipple inflates inside the baby's mouth

  • forming a seal for the next one hundred days

  • the baby cannot let go, as it receives milk from its mother

  • to understand this, imagine putting on a blindfold been sniffing your way

  • across a shag carpet

  • until you found a nipple that was just as large as you were

  • and then thinking - I should put it in my mouth.

  • That is how a kangaroo do. I'll tell you right now

  • we are not going to talk about the Tasmanian Devil.

  • because that is not a polite way to eat that's

  • starting at the wrong end of the ice cream cone, if you know what I mean

  • I know it's in Australia and they do everything reverse down there,, you've

  • heard about the toilets

  • if you haven't, supposedly the Australian politics head in the toilet bowl and pees

  • upwards.

  • just the opposite of us. Really, who does that to a chicken??

  • the Wombat is another marsupial - (laughs) - are you trying to hide??

  • -it's effective. Unlike the kangaroo

  • it has a rear-facing pouch. This is because the wombat

  • digs and lives in burrows. Here we see

  • 2 wombats, both good at digging but one is clearly an idiot.

  • On the plus side if you're a baby, a rear-facing pouch prevents you from

  • getting a mouth full of dirt. On the downside it means there is a butt-hole

  • directly in front of your doorway. They kind of break even.

  • Really. The marsupials penis - (sighs) - we always do this - why

  • -I don't want to talk about their penises - its - this should be about the majesty of

  • nature.

  • It's like reviewing and opera - and, i don't know, talking about Wagner's penis

  • No, I don't want research to google that, Jerry.

  • Fine. Most marsupials have two prong penises

  • and the female has between two and three vaginas. Which sounds like a math problem

  • But we have one to one and it's not like it's

  • not complicated so now you know. The Koala is perhaps the cutest the mall the

  • marsupials

  • but it appears to have received the short end of the evolutionary (bleep)

  • Jerry, don't bleep it like that- it sounds like I said (sighs) - don't even have to bleep

  • (bleep). The Koala lives mainly in the eucalyptus tree

  • and almost exclusively eats the eucalyptus leaf.

  • The eucalyptus leaf on the other hand has made it clear that it doesn't wanna

  • be eaten by anyone.

  • Aside from having very little nutritional value,

  • It is poisonous, and very hard to chew and digest.

  • To deal with this, the Koala has evolved a very long hind gut

  • which ferments leaves, sometimes for over 100 hours

  • a remarkable and complex adaptation that the Koala could've avoided by eating

  • pretty much

  • any other f*cking thing. Baby Koala's don't have the fully developed

  • piping to do this hind-gut fermentation

  • so instead they eat their mothers Freckle-pop - what is that - a little popsicle?

  • two words - fecal pap - oh - oh that's gross

  • fecal pap is a pre-digested greenish goo

  • like you know how a Cow regurgitates cud?

  • Well it's like that, except out of your ass.

  • -and you feed it to your child. The diets of most

  • herbivore marsupials pose another challenge - the coarse grasses and leaves

  • wear down there

  • teeth. Each has evolved a unique strategy to deal with this

  • the kangaroo has four sets of molars which moved forward as the front pairs

  • wear down

  • wombats have ruthless teeth that never stop growing

  • the koalas unique strategy is to have neither of these

  • so when its teeth wear down, it just starves to death.

  • Not only that, but the koala has the smallest brain-to-body mass ratio

  • of all the mammals.

  • And it has a smooth brain, which means that it hasn't evolved

  • the thinky-thinky parts. For example, if you pick eucalyptus leaves

  • which it eats, off the branch, and put them on a plate

  • the Koala doesn't know what to do with them. Not a genius animal

  • however this lack of brain gives the Koala a discrete

  • evolutionary advantage in that it does not give a f*ck

  • case in point - koala in the rain.

  • no f*cks given. None. Just remember

  • one day you might find a comfy little place to live

  • complete with food and shelter but if you notice that you wake up to a

  • butthole

  • every single day, it might just be time to move on

  • something something something marsupials

  • (song)

here we will explore

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C1 koala kangaroo pouch baby bleep nipple

True Facts About Marsupials

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    Jiyu Ken posted on 2017/06/04
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