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  • - You look fantastic. - Thanks.

  • - And you're out of the house and everything.

  • - Oh, I'm so out of the house right now.

  • - You have so many children now.

  • You have two children so close together.

  • - I got 'em wet after midnight. - Yep.

  • - They multiply, guys.

  • - So how old is-- the first one is Lincoln?

  • - And the first one-- Lincoln is 22 months,

  • and Delta is seven weeks.

  • [audience exclaims] Whoa, yeah.

  • - Whoa. - She's cute.

  • And I'm so happy to be--

  • this feels like a vacation, coming here.

  • It really does.

  • Everyone here speaks in full sentences,

  • and no one's asked me to wipe their buns...

  • - Not yet. - Yet.

  • So, yeah, I'm very happy to be out of the house for a--

  • - That's amazing. Seven weeks old?

  • - Yeah. - That's--and sleeping?

  • Is she sleeping?

  • - She just--she's-- slept quite a bit last night.

  • She slept, I think, eight hours last night

  • in one stretch.

  • I don't think it'll stick.

  • But it was a-- it was a nice treat.

  • - And Lincoln likes being a big sister?

  • - Loves. Loves, yeah.

  • - Dax was here last month,

  • and he told a story about the birth of the child.

  • Did you watch that? - He's very dramatic.

  • - Yeah. [laughter]

  • - No, I know, you know-- well, it's interesting,

  • 'cause I wanted to tell you--

  • [laughter]

  • What the--

  • - I don't know what we were doing.

  • - Something awesome. - I'm not sure.

  • - He told you how traumatic it was for him,

  • but, to be honest, my perspective was--

  • as someone who has never experimented with drugs,

  • I really enjoyed it.

  • It was kind of a wonderful experience for me.

  • While they were doing it, I actually thought, like,

  • "What else could we get done down there while this"--

  • - Wow.

  • "Just--and maybe lengthen the shins."

  • I've always wanted to be, like, 5'7''.

  • Just anything to keep the epidural flowing,

  • 'cause I felt so-- these modern hospitals, man.

  • - They have-- - They treat you right.

  • - So it was a C-section. - Yes.

  • - It was not planned. - No.

  • - It was something that had to happen,

  • so they gave you drugs to prepare you for that.

  • - They did, and I felt really great.

  • But the-- [chuckles]

  • The interesting part of the story

  • is that a couple hours later--

  • like, it wears out of your system slowly,

  • and about six or seven hours later,

  • I'm sitting in my hospital bed, and I say to Dax,

  • "Well, I think the epidural has finally worn off."

  • And he looks over, and I am scratching holes

  • in my face like a meth addict.

  • And I'm like, "I think it might be time to re-up.

  • "I don't know. I'm, um--

  • 'cause it's definitely worn off."

  • And he said, "Are you-- are you sure?

  • You think it's worn off, hon?"

  • And I said, "Yeah."

  • So the nurse comes in, and obviously,

  • she notices and offered a little bit of Benadryl

  • to help with the itching and put me to sleep.

  • Well, what a cocktail.

  • [laughter]

  • Because I started-- I had a lot to say--

  • more than when I'm sober, believe that or not.

  • I started telling all these stories,

  • and later he tells me I was taking 30-second pauses

  • in between "and" and "the."

  • And I would just...

  • go out.

  • And I grabbed my phone, and the light was like--

  • do you know what looks really good when you're on that stuff?

  • Handbags.

  • [laughter]

  • Or throw pillows or rugs.

  • And I was just like, "Pew! Pew! Internet shopping. Whoo!"

  • Thank God I didn't remember my credit card number.

  • [laughter] So nothing bad happened.

  • But Dax kept--I mean, it-- honestly, a picture

  • of a throw pillow was as mind-blowing

  • as, like, seeing "The Matrix" for the first time.

  • That's how I felt. - Wow.

  • - He said, "Honey, do you think

  • you should maybe put down your phone?"

  • And I'm like, "Yeah, I'm just gonna have--

  • just one more minute."

  • And he finally-- he seized the device,

  • put it away, and I'm happy to say

  • I'm stone-cold sober today.

  • - Good for you. - Yeah.

  • - Good. [applause]

  • I'm glad to hear you didn't get

  • hooked on that-- all hopped up.

  • - No, I didn't. No. - No.

  • - [laughs]

  • - So you have the two, and now it seems like that--

  • plus they're so close together.

  • That's a lot of work.

  • Are you gonna have more children or no?

  • - No. No, no.

  • We don't want to be outnumbered.

  • [laughter]

  • We don't want to be outnumbered. - Smart.

  • - Until, I suppose, I accidentally get pregnant,

  • and my third child watches this clip

  • and realizes that he was an accident.

  • Sorry, honey.

  • No, but--yeah.

  • We're gonna cap it at two. - Yeah.

  • And he must feel outnumbered,

  • 'cause now he's got all girls in the house.

  • - Girls to boys, yeah.

  • He likes to say that

  • he never thought he'd be surrounded by so many women

  • and not having this much sex.

  • [laughter]

  • - He's hilarious.

  • He's a good dad though, right?

  • He's got to be-- - He's a wonderful dad.

  • - Yeah. - Oh, yeah.

- You look fantastic. - Thanks.

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Kristen Bell on Giving Birth

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    Tasi Lin   posted on 2017/05/01
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