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  • There are some very strong reasons why partners breaking up generally try to remain friends.

  • To the person beinghowever nicelyrejected,

  • the promise of friendship can feel like an emotionally-reassuring consolation prize.

  • We may no longer be able to share their bed, have children with them or end our days in their company,

  • but at least something can be rescued from the ashes: we will continue to be able to call them when we like,

  • share our fears and go to the movies together.

  • To the person performinghowever nicelythe execution, the promise of friendship is equally attractive.

  • We may be itching to eject the partner but we are notfor that matterdevoid of feeling.

  • We are, as we might say in sentimental moments, extremely fond of the soon-to-be ex.

  • We just don’t want to end our time on earth with them, let alone reject all sexual possibilities in their name.

  • Furthermore, we are deeply attached to the idea that were not monsters.

  • And as we know, nice people always try to be friends with their exes.

  • The arguments may sound wise but, from close up, they are deeply fraught and in their own way, a catastrophe for both sides.

  • For the rejected party, the step from lover to friend is an eternally humiliating demotion.

  • To go from the idea of a joint life-long future to a dinner every second Thursday is, to put it mildly, a come down.

  • Worse, every sighting of the ex is guaranteed to re-ignite hope and then further insult.

  • One isn't acquiring a friend, more an unwitting torturer.

  • As for the executing party, the ex is a constant reminder of guilt and ruthlessness.

  • One can't even relax into being kind, lest one's intentions be misread and,

  • after a few drinks, they burst into tears or attempt to make a move.

  • The idea of trying to be friends constitutes a touching attempt to honour the best sides of a relationship

  • in which two people invested heavily.

  • Lovers can't, so the thought goes simply vanish from each other's lives after all that; a friendship is invoked to memorialise an episode of genuine importance.

  • But, looked at more dispassionately, friendship isn't in any real sense faithful to love.

  • Friendship with an ex

  • does a grave disservice both to the memory of the relationship at its height and the merits of intimate friendship.

  • It's at once a betrayal of everything a good relationship was and a slight on the ideals of friendship,

  • which shouldn't be built out of the remnants of another, more ardent condition.

  • What we should replace love with isn't friendship but that far more honest state: civil distance.

  • That and a real assurance that the relationship, in its best and most enduring light,

  • will always live on in the one place it can safely always do so: memory.

There are some very strong reasons why partners breaking up generally try to remain friends.

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B1 UK friendship relationship rejected nicely attempt deeply

Can Exes Be Friends?

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    李晟睿 posted on 2017/04/12
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