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  • Hi, Nala.

  • You can't be in every video.

  • [Alfie]: Come on

  • You can sort of see her.

  • [Alfie]: You still recording the video for me?

  • What video?

  • [Alfie]: Ten Reasons I Love Alfie, for Valentine's.

  • No.

  • Hello, everybody!

  • First of all, I want to start by saying Happy Valentines Day!

  • Or Happy Galentine's Day, or Palentine's Day.

  • There's so many different variations of telling someone you love them today.

  • Whatevs.

  • Or if you're single, it doesn't matter.

  • It's just a day.

  • I'm wearing my special Valentine's shirt for the occasion

  • And this video has nothing to do with Valentines Day.

  • So if you've clicked this thinking, "ugh I'm so done with Valentine's," don't worry.

  • This actually has nothing to do with Valentine's Day at all.

  • Just before I start this video,

  • I'm just gonna throw it out there and say

  • I feel like I look like a sack of poop today.

  • So...we've gone for a bit more of a cosy, ambient vibe

  • which I actually quite like

  • Because this room is, like, one of the cosiest rooms in the whole house

  • and I absolutely love it.

  • So, I quite like that we're channeling more of a cosy vibe

  • but it is also to cover up the fact that I have a chin growing on my chin.

  • It's the biggest spot I've ever had in my entire life

  • Uhm, if I wasn't so, like, frustrated about it, I would be proud of it.

  • [laughs]

  • Quite a while back, I asked on Twitter what questions you would love me to answer

  • that I had never answered before, or that you would love to know.

  • And I saved them all for a special occasion.

  • This is definitely going to be a Q&A that spans over a couple of videos,

  • because there was so many questions that I was like,

  • "I would love to answer that, and I've never answered that."

  • So, I'm gonna start going through them.

  • Ahh, that one's cute.

  • *shouts* Alf!

  • [Alfie, from afar]: Yeah?

  • *shouts* Come here a sec!

  • *normal voice* Do you mind just sitting in this a second?

  • [Alfie]: Do you have like...unready I am

  • Because it's Valentine's day, I have just said this isn't about Valentine's day

  • It's actually a Q&A but the first question I've got in here is,

  • "When did you realise you actually loved Alfie?"

  • - Ughhhhh here we go.

  • - Like, what made it click?

  • And I was like, do you know what?

  • It is Valentine's Day, let's answer this together.

  • I think I realised I loved Alfie when... obviously before I moved here

  • Because me moving was actually a really big deal.

  • Like, I'd grown up in this tiny village. I'd never thought I would move.

  • So obviously I realised I loved you before that, otherwise I would never have moved to Brighton

  • I don't know. I think just when I was always thinking about you, and always wanted to talk to you.

  • Because you had never loved anyone before, so how did you know?

  • - Alright. Bloomin' hell.

  • You bring me in the video randomly, and bloomin' dump me under it.

  • I don't know. I don't know. I need some time to think of this answer.

  • I don't know, it's just, like, so used to the person being there kind of thing.

  • Like, I can't imagine living in a house without you living there.

  • But then obviously you don't have to live with somebody to love them, so

  • I don't know.

  • - So you basically just got used to me and thought, "Well, I must love her then."

  • - It's been too long now. I can't back out, I'm stuck.

  • - I quite liked this question. It was from Charlotte and she said,

  • "I don't know if anyone has asked it before, but I'd like to know which dream of yours you remember the clearest."

  • When I was a teenager, I used to have this dream

  • That I was a witch, my mum was a witch, and my mum's mum -- so my nan -- was a witch as well.

  • And it was so vivid

  • and I used to have it so much.

  • And I really enjoyed it, because in the dream we all had brooms, and we could fly

  • And I just remember dreaming it and feeling like I could actually fly, and then waking up the next day

  • being like, if I really concentrate, I think I can fly.

  • Like , it was the weird - and I'm a teenager at this point , so I know I can't fly, but it just felt so real,

  • and I had that dream so many times. I've never had, like, repeat dreams apart from that one. And also tsunamis,

  • which I guess is a nightmare. But I used to dream that a lot , like at least once a week, I would dream that me , my mum and

  • my nan were witches, and we were good witches, not bad witches, and we could fly on brooms, and no one else knew,

  • and it was like this family secret that we had and it was just the best thing ever.

  • "Why don't you have your own gaming channel?"

  • I actually do like gaming. Maybe not, kinda, more of, like, the console sense, but I really like playing PC or Mac games.

  • Things like Sims, I could spend hours and hours on Sims, I love watching Sims gaming, and I play that with Alfie.

  • But I did actually try and film my own gaming video, and it didn't go down very well. I was trying to play Theme Hospital,

  • because it's one of my favourite games ever and I just - there's not very many people online that play it and I was like, I'm going to try.

  • And I was going to upload it on my second channel, or Alfie's gaming channel, and I can't remember which,

  • but when I'm actually playing the game, I'm not very good at commentating over it. So because I concentrate so much on the game,

  • I don't actually speak.

  • So this whole episode that I filmed, which must of been around forty minutes long,

  • I feel like I didn't have much kind of charisma or character, and I was like, no one's going to watch this and I'm not being very entertaining,

  • and all I'm really doing is filming myself playing a game and not saying anything. So that is why I don't have a gaming channel,

  • and I think if I was to film Sims without Alfie,

  • he wouldn't remind me to talk. I would just get so into it, but it's good there's two of us that film it because

  • he reminds me I need to actually talk.

  • Heather said "If you could go back and change one thing that has happened to you , what would it be?"

  • I think this is quite a deep question, because even though there is certainly things in my life I've not enjoyed or things that

  • I sort of feel like I would do a little differently, ultimately I do believe that everything happens for a reason and that bad things happen so good things can happen

  • after it, and that the bad things kind of, erm, show the value of the good things and when I think of it like that I think I wouldn't change anything.

  • But if we're getting, like, down to the nitty gritty, there are certainly things that I'm like "Why didn't I do this ?" or "Why did I put up with that ?"

  • or "Why didn't I say this?" But then I'm like if I didn't, would I be here today , would I be sat making this video

  • in my house in Brighton, like,

  • I don't know.

  • Holly said, "What is it actually like to be reported about in the news about every little thing you do?"

  • On the grand scheme of things, I don't get written about as much as, you know, actual, like, celebrities and people that have, like, interesting lives,

  • I don't know. Like if I'm being completely honest, I hate it.

  • If we're just going to strip this down and er , talk

  • you know, one to one, I really don't like it.

  • I love being online, I love having control over everything I can post, I love you guys and everyone that watches and gets involved,

  • and I liked that I had built my own community, and we could talk about what we wanted. And I'm so fortunate

  • in the sense that there are so many of you, and it's kind of like we created our own little, like, I dunno.

  • I feel like YouTubers and, like, the online space don't see traditional media in that same way.

  • We don't need traditional media to

  • tell a story because we can do that ourselves.

  • And so I think sometimes when I'm trying to tell my story and they go, "Ooh this is kind of interesting, let's write about this,"

  • and it doesn't always spin what I've said in a positive way,

  • just to get clicks. It's really weird to get my head around, because

  • I think also a lot of people forget that when I started this, there was no

  • Oh but if my channel grows to this size, then the press will be interested, and there'll be people stopping you in the street,

  • and you'll go to signings, and you'll do signatures, and you could be sat in a restaurant with your family and someone will come up and ask you for a video message

  • for their best friend, like, I didn't know what could ever be, if that makes sense.

  • There was no one that was already experiencing all of this, and if there was I wasn't aware of them, so

  • it was all very new and I had to learn very quickly how to kinda balance that.

  • Because, ultimately, all I really wanted to do was film videos for an audience of people online, and it hadn't really occurred to me that if that audience grew

  • on a much, much larger scale, that that would change the way I lived my life offline.

  • If that makes sense.

  • I feel like quite a lot of the time people say, you know, "Oh but, you know, it's just part of it, it's part of it" but when a lot of Youtubers started, it wasn't part of it,

  • and it's something that people have had to learn to deal with and kind of learn to slot into their, like, everyday lives,

  • and it is scary, daunting, unpredictable. But there are also really amazing aspects of that as well because it means I get to actually meet you guys.

  • "If ten-year old you could see you now, how would she feel?"

  • I dunno, this one's a hard one, because I feel like I have pinch me moments all the time.

  • I don't take any of this for granted, and it still surprises me on a weekly basis that I am doing the things that I'm doing,

  • and that my life has gone this way. And so I don't even think ten-year old Zoë would ever think twenty six-year old Zoë would be doing all the things she's doing.

  • I don't know.

  • "Have any friends ever left you/judged you because of your career?"

  • um...

  • I think anyone that's ever had an issue with it, or not understood it, or kinda turned a blind eye or mocked it, which I definitely did have

  • when I first started doing this, but it was all very indirect. Those people weren't ever really friends and they're not my friends now, um, if that makes sense,

  • like they were kind of people I knew.

  • Starting a relationship online is...

  • daunting,

  • and, um, because of the size of the audience, you are aware of people kind of judging your every move,

  • and kind of taking what they want from certain things, and that's just what happens.

  • But so much of the time it's so focused on relationships, when actually

  • I think it can be just as difficult having friendships online, especially if those other people aren't too sure about, you know, being online or being on camera,

  • um,

  • or if they have channels themselves, and they're not sure if they want to be in your videos,

  • or kinda, of what can come from that, and it can be- it can make me quite paranoid, because I want people to be my friend for me,

  • not for anything else, and

  • I had this, like, time where I was like, no one's going want to be my friend because they're not going want be on my channel.

  • Like, how daunting is that gonna be? Or they're not going to want to hang out with me because they're gonna think I'm a certain way when I'm not,

  • or, I dunno. It- I honestly think, I wish more people would, like, talk about this a bit more, because it is so, like, relationship-focused,

  • like, what's it like having a boyfriend that daily vlogs, and what's it like, you know, having a relationship online, but you don't really talk about

  • kinda friendships, or building friendships or,

  • not knowing if someone really wants to be your friend or doesn't. And that is, like, a whole thing in itself.

  • I'm, like, a super trusting person. I basically just trust everybody and, like, welcome anyone with, like, open arms,

  • and I think at one point I was a bit like, maybe I shouldn't be doing this. I don't know. I was really, like, questioning it,

  • and I was like, what do people want from me? I don't know.

  • But all the friends I have now are so supportive and so lovely, whether they're YouTube friends or non-YouTube friends, and think some of them

  • still find it kind of weird.

  • Like I was with some of my friends recently, actually I think it was, like, last year, and I was putting petrol in the car and someone was screaming like "Zoella!"

  • and my friend was like, "I find it so weird, because to me you're not Zoella, to me you're just Zoë."

  • And it's kind of like that kind of clicking in and out of like, oh yeah, that's... that's what you do and that's, like, your work thing,

  • but I know you as, like, Zoë.

  • "When did you decide that you wanted to live on your own out of your family house, and was it a scary or an easy decision?"

  • Growing up, I always thought I would live in my tiny village for the rest of my life.

  • I couldn't imagine ever moving away .. ever

  • In fact, me and my friend, um, who- we lived quite close to one another, we were always like,

  • "Oh, we need to stay in this village forever," and "You'll have a house there, and I'll have a house there, and our kids will go to the same primary school

  • and we'll stay here." And pretty much all my family lived kind of, like, ten minutes around me,

  • and I just thought that's where I would always be.

  • And I'm definitely a home comforts girl, which you all know, and I didn't really do a lot of travelling.

  • In fact, before I did YouTube, I think the only places I'd ever visited was the Maldives on a family holiday and Portugal.

  • I had no desire to travel the world,

  • I just wasn't really interested in it. And I loved being at home, I loved being round my family, I loved my tiny little village life, and I think

  • I couldn't imagine

  • a different life to that, if that makes sense. But when I started doing YouTube, I

  • massively grew in confidence, even more so off-camera than on-camera.

  • I think, like, my parents will agree with me here, that I started

  • going to London to events, and for me that was, like,

  • terrifying.

  • I was getting the train to London, I was meeting new people, I was going to events and meetings,

  • and I was filming collabs with, like, Marcus in Bristol.

  • And I'd never driven to Bristol on my own, even though it really wasn't that far away. But I drove across Bristol to go and hang out with Marcus and Niomi,

  • and I filmed with Marcus. And then I started going to conventions in, like, Florida, and LA, and Milan,

  • and, like, all these different places. And I think that made me see that the world was a lot bigger than just my village,

  • which I still absolutely love.

  • But when I met Alfie, and I came to Brighton on the train,

  • I remember getting off the train and just being like, I love this city. I instantly felt like I could live there.

  • And I have never felt like that about any other place I've ever visited in my life. And the minute I got off that train I was like, this is a really nice place.

  • I feel really comfortable here, I really really love it. In fact, the only other place I feel like I have felt like that is Edinburgh.

  • And I'm not gonna move to Edinburgh. Don't worry.

  • And obviously as me and Alfie were dating, seeing each other, going out, whatever, I used to drive to see him, like, every week.

  • And that's, like, a two and a half hour drive, and I was doing that, like, every week, twice a week.

  • And every time I was in Brighton, it just felt like more and more comfortable, and more and more like home,

  • and so, eventually I was like,

  • I kind of want to be here. Like, I love the sea, I love that there's the countryside, and I've done this drive so often now, it doesn't feel far,

  • if that makes sense. Like the more I'd done it, the more it didn't feel far away.

  • I knew, obviously, I wasn't gonna be living with my dad and my brother for the rest of my life, and I was starting to think about, where do I want to move out,

  • and as I was kinda making these decisions, I was visiting Brighton a lot and I was like, I think I just want to move to Brighton.

  • I didn't want to move straight in with Alfie, because I think packing up your whole life and moving two and a half hours away is already, like, a big deal.

  • Maybe not to everyone, but it certainly was to, like, this country bumpkin. So I moved into my own place.

  • Obviously me and Alfie saw each other every single day and he may as well have lived with me, but I still like that I made that step

  • on my own, and I was renting that place, and it had all my things in. And I think living there made me realise that this is where I want to be,

  • and then me and Alfie moved in together, and the rest is history.

  • Did that rhyme? I feel like it might of done.

  • "Are they any YouTubers that you hate or dislike but don't want to say anything or hurt anyone's feelings?"

  • I really could dish the dirt here.

  • But its not my kinda vibe.

  • So all I'm going to say is, yes, there are some really not very nice people who make YouTube videos, who I would be more than happy to never see ever again,

  • or cross paths with,

  • But...

  • That's the same for everything in life.

  • If you work in an office, you're not gonna like everyone you work with, and YouTube is a place for anyone to upload videos, and there are hundreds

  • and thousands of people that make videos.

  • So I think its only right that some are not the sort of people that I

  • would like.