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You know, honesty is something that we often regard as a good thing, right?
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We want our friends to be honest.
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What do you think, is it too much?
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That outfit should be burned.
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Because it's so lit!
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We want our partners to be honest.
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Kelly, um, I want to tell you something, ugh, I'm so nervous.
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Um, I've never said this to anyone before, but...
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I love you.
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Oh my god, Anna, are you serious?
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Yes!
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Oh my god, thank you!
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I don't love you, but, you're great.
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Okay.
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But sometimes when people are speaking their truth, it feels cruel.
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I was at a gals dinner when a friend said to me:
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Anna, don't get too drunk.
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You're a loud drunk, and I don't want to have to move.
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And, I mean she's not wrong!
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When I get drunk I get really loud, I mean to my credit, most people do.
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But it felt so mean to me in the moment, even though I know she wasn't trying to hurt my feelings, because it was like what was I supposed to say?
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You know, how was I supposed to react?
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There was no way for me to continue the night without just sitting still, and shutting up, and feeling like I can't have fun.
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And it made me wonder:
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Where is the line between being honest and being mean?
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I mean, does it lie in a person's intention?
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'cause I had a guy say to me, verbatim:
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Yo, do you like to take a shit before I ate you out yesterday, 'cause your pussy smelled like shit.
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And that is by far, the cruelest fuxxing thing anyone has ever said to me in my entire life.
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Especially 'cause he knew I had issues with like letting people go near my vagina, it was like, weird, and it's vulnerable, and it's scary.
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So I was like, why would you say that to me?
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And he genuinely didn't think he was being mean.
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He thought that he was being honest and straightforward, and that I would appreciate that.
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What? I'm just being honest.
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Isn't that what people do when they fall in love?
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You know, we have all kinds of stupid horrible thoughts every day.
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But that doesn't mean we should articulate every single one of them.
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I mean, every time I have a knife in my hand, I think:
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Wow, I could just go crazy and stab all of them right now.
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And what would they do?
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I could just take each of them down.
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I mean, I won't 'cause I love them.
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But I totally could, their lives are in my hands, I could just stab and slash and just blow them all away.
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Hmm.
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But it's not like I'm gonna "be honest" and tell a bunch of people that.
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Guys, isn't it crazy that I could just like, kill all of you right now?
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Like, for real though.
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Like, none of you have any weapons.
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I could just sprint at you Mary, and slit your throat.
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And stab you in the heart, Jenny.
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And just like, slash at Kaitlyn, and then rip Melissa's face off, like...
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And like, what would you do?
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A bunch of you would die.
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Maybe sometimes we're using honesty as an excuse to be an asshole.
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And I'm definitely guilty of this for sure, for sure I have done this.
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But I genuinely want to stop, like I don't ever want to unnecessarily hurt someone's feelings, just because I feel like I have the right to be straight up with them.
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And vice versa, if people are being honest with me, I would hope that it comes from like a place of love like someone's telling me that I'm probably dating someone abusive, or that, I'm maybe becoming an alcoholic.
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I don't want someone to tell me that, in their opinion, I've done something wrong.
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Because my vagina did not smell like shit and if it did, God forbid, you don't frickin say that to me.
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So I encourage you to think about all the times that you've been honest, and ask yourself, were you actually just being mean?
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Are you ever honest when it's hard, when you have to tell someone a truth that maybe they don't wanna hear, and you don't wanna tell them, not just something that you don't like.
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I'm Anna Akana, stay awesome Gotham.
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Also, thank you so much to Kelly for being in today's video.
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You can check out her channel here, she uploads every day, and is a kawaii ambassador.
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Thanks Kelly!
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I really wanna say thank you to Squarespace for sponsoring today's episode.
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You can get square space for any kind of website, whether you're an artist, a photographer, or a serial killer like me!
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Go to squarespace.com for your free trial today, and don't forget to use the offer code Anna for ten percent off at checkout.
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Squarespace.