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  • Anyway, that's how I escaped from space prison!

  • Oh, scary place.

  • Wow, Rick! That's... That's one... one heck of a story.

  • I sure do wish I could have been there to see it happen.

  • Oh, come on. Who wants to watch

  • a mad scientist use handmade sci-fi tools

  • to take out highly trained alien guards?

  • when we can sit here and be a family at Shoney's?

  • Dad, it's great to have you back, no matter where we are,

  • but wouldn't you like to go home?

  • Emotionally speaking, honey, Shoney's is my home.

  • Yeah, but you just got out of prison.

  • I mean, how much of a step up from that is...

  • Jerry, get out of the booth, take all your clothes off,

  • and fold yourself 12 times.

  • You got it.

  • Six folds, huh?

  • W-W-What, have you guys got me in a Series 9000?

  • You cheap insect didn't think I was worth your best equipment?

  • Man, I told the money bugs.

  • I said, "You know who this guy is, right?

  • You want me to get intel out of the smartest mammal

  • in the galaxy, you better give me a decent brainalyzer."

  • Well, you might as well order some pancakes,

  • because I don't see the need to leave this part of my brain.

  • Oh, I think you do.

  • Eventually, you're either gonna relax your cerebellum...

  • - Shoney's... - Or the Series 9000

  • is going to turn it into mush.

  • Relaxed enough?

  • I admire you, Rick.

  • When I...

  • Rick, here's...

  • What's going on?

  • It's hard to tell. He may have manifested some sort of butt.

  • He can do that?

  • He is the smartest man in the universe.

  • ♪♪

  • <font color=#FF00FF>*RICK AND MORTY*</font> <font color=#00FF00>Season 03 Episode 01</font> <font color=#FFFF00>"TThe Rickshank Redemption"</font>

  • I tell ya, the Galactic Federation taking over Earth...

  • best thing that's ever happened to this family.

  • I just got my sixth promotion this week,

  • and I still don't know what I do.

  • Who cares how high they promote you?

  • Everyone just gets paid in pills.

  • Well, when you're not sure what you do for a living,

  • you can make your own rules.

  • Summer, show your father some respect.

  • He's pulling down a six-chewable figure income.

  • I'll get that in a moment. How are everyone's pills?

  • Oh, Morty, you've hardly touched your pills.

  • I kind of had big pills for lunch, and I

  • wasn't gonna eat any more pills.

  • Thank you, Conroy.

  • You spoil us, Conroy.

  • Grandpa Rick wouldn't put up with this!

  • Stop saying his name! He abandoned us.

  • Willem Dafoe!

  • Th-That's the guy I couldn't think of this morning.

  • Don't make my mistake, Summer.

  • Don't deify the people that leave you.

  • You'll end up a horse surgeon in a world controlled by aliens

  • whose medicine keeps horses

  • healthy forever.

  • Horses live longer than tortoises now.

  • Is that what you want for yourself?

  • Maybe I just want you to care if I run away yelling!

  • Who saved room for pill brûlée?

  • Ooh!

  • I can see why you chose this family-friendly restaurant

  • to represent your cerebellum.

  • So safe, so comfortable, so Shoney's.

  • But admit it, Rick... you're going crazy cooped up in here.

  • Let's go visit some memories.

  • Oh, any particular ones?

  • You want to see my first boner,

  • or should we go straight to the moment

  • I discovered interdimensional travel?

  • Ooh, your little flappy doodles are twitching.

  • Does that mean you're aroused, or did you just get a signal

  • that one of your buddies found a grape?

  • It's arousal.

  • Yes, I'd like very much to visit the memory

  • of you inventing your portal gun.

  • Yeah, well, tough titties.

  • There's no tougher titty than a psychotic break, Rick.

  • Well, that depends on who breaks first... me or the titty.

  • Someone special you remember?

  • Is that your memory of her out there...

  • between where you were on 9/11

  • and your favorite sports blooper?

  • If we stay here, you'll die, along with all your memories.

  • If you take me where I want to go...

  • she'll be there, too, won't she?

  • The day I invented the portal gun is the day I lost her.

  • Oh, that sounds cool.

  • I can get what I want and you can say goodbye.

  • Fine, but I'm driving.

  • as an excuse to strip away our freedom.

  • Huh? What are you... What are you doing?

  • Grandpa Rick must have some secret lab, right?

  • With, like, laser guns and jets packs and a space tank!

  • And we can go break him out of prison!

  • Look at these dead flies!

  • Maybe if we arrange them in a certain order,

  • it plays a hologram or it opens a secret door.

  • Summer, you're freaking me out.

  • I know things have changed a lot, and I know you miss Rick,

  • but getting him back wouldn't make things better.

  • And, you know, we're not doing so bad.

  • We're miserable, Morty!

  • There's a mandatory curfew, their weird calendar made me 47,

  • and they weaponized the Eiffel Tower!

  • Hey, I like being 35. I-I can rent a car now.

  • Because you suck.

  • You've been keeping your lip zipped about it

  • since Grandpa got arrested, but the fact is,

  • you're freaking stoked to bail on him.

  • He bails on everybody!

  • He bailed on Mom when she was a kid!

  • He... He bailed on tiny planet!

  • And in case I never made this clear to you, Summer,

  • he bailed on you.

  • He left you to rot in a world that he ruined

  • because he doesn't care!

  • Because nobody's special to him, Summer,

  • not even himself.

  • So, if you really want your grandpa back, grab a shovel.

  • The one that won't let you down is buried in your backyard!

  • You're right!

  • What?! No, I'm not right.

  • I-I was using ghoulish overkill!

  • Ghoulish overkill, Summer!

  • Oh, God! Oh, God!

  • Whoa, whoa!

  • Where are we going?

  • To the day it all began... and ended.

  • The moment that changed everything.

  • Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order?

  • Yeah, I'd like to get a 10-piece McNugget

  • and a bunch of the Szechuan sauce.

  • Like, as much as you're allowed to give me.

  • In 1998, they had this promotion for the Disney film "Mulan,"

  • where they... where they...

  • they created a new sauce for the McNuggets

  • called Szechuan sauce, and it's delicious!

  • And then they got rid of it, and now it's gone.

  • This is the only place we're gonna be able to try it, is in my memory.

  • Rick, you're doing this bit while your brain is melting.

  • Okay. All right, all right.

  • Is that... Me.

  • I used to wear blue pants.

  • When'd you make the leap to interdimensional travel?

  • I didn't. I did.

  • Well, well, well.

  • If it isn't us.

  • You know the worst part about inventing teleportation?

  • Suddenly, you're able to travel the whole galaxy,

  • and the first thing you learn is,

  • you're the last guy to invent teleportation.

  • Fortunately, you're about to invent something much more powerful.

  • What?

  • Summer, nobody has to know about that.

  • We could put it right back and pretend we never saw it,

  • like we did with Dad's mannequin leg.

  • Fine, stay here. I'll rescue Grandpa myself.

  • - And how are you gonna do that? - I don't know yet.

  • I'll make it up as I go.

  • That's what Grandpa Rick does.

  • That's what heroes do.

  • Y-You want to see what a hero Rick is?

  • I-I'll bring you somewhere, Summer.

  • Um... My goodness, children.

  • Relinquish the illegal technology

  • to the nearest Federation representative.

  • And then we'll all play Balderdash.

  • ♪♪

  • Oh, my goodness! Oh, oh! My goo...

  • Oh, my God.

  • I have that exact same top.

  • What is this place?

  • And what's with "Hunger Games" Summer?

  • That's my sister. This used to be my home.

  • Imagine doing anything you want,

  • then hopping to a timeline where you never did it.

  • Imagine going anywhere, anytime,

  • with nobody able to stop you.

  • Sounds lonely.

  • Lonely? Dude, you have yourself...

  • your infinite selves.

  • It's a nonstop party where all the guests

  • are the only person we like.

  • You think it's cool being the smartest man on Earth,

  • but once we give you this technology,

  • you become the smartest thing in every conceivable universe...

  • the Infinite Rick, a god.

  • Eh, pass.

  • Excuse me? Bro, Ricks don't pass on this.

  • Who do you think you are?

  • A different kind of Rick, I guess.

  • Well, we'll see how long that lasts.

  • I heard sci-fi noises.

  • Did you make a breakthrough?

  • Sort of.

  • I just took a long look at myself,

  • and I don't think this science thing is gonna pay off.

  • Well, why don't I get Beth and we'll go out for ice cream?

  • That, Dianne, is the last great idea

  • that will ever be had in this garage.

  • Good roasted Cronenberg, I assume.

  • Mom, you're looking... feral.

  • I can't believe Rick did this.

  • These are the parts of Rick's adventures

  • you don't get to see... the parts he leaves behind.

  • All right, it's been great, guys.

  • Um! I really only wanted to stop by here for a quick "I told ya so."

  • - So, uh... - Looking for this?

  • What are you doing with that?!

  • It stinks of Rick.

  • No! Why?! Why would you do that?!

  • W-W-What is the matter with you people?!

  • You can never leave. She cannot remain.

  • She stinks of Rick.

  • Hold your fire! Hold your fire!

  • I'm Morty C-137.

  • We detected a compromised portal gun. Where is your Rick?

  • - He's in prison. - Summer.

  • He got captured by the Federation

  • and we were going to rescue him.

  • Very troubling. We can't risk Citadel secrets

  • falling into the Federation's hands.

  • We'll dispatch S.E.A.L. Team Ricks immediately

  • to break into the prison holding C-137.

  • - Boo-yah. - And assassinate him.

  • Boo-nah?

  • Come on, girls! The ice cream's gonna melt.

  • Nooooooo!

  • Wow. This sauce is amazing.

  • You said it was promoting a movie?

  • Carry the three, add a two.

  • - I got it. - I got it.

  • Whoa. I-Is that it, the portal gun?

  • Yeah. That's the three lines of math

  • that separates my life as a man from my life as an unfeeling ghost.

  • Awesome-possum.

  • Mission Control, you getting this?

  • Holy shit, yes! Yes, we got it! Yeah!

  • Thanks, Rick. I'll try to remember to shut off the brainalyzer.

  • Actually, I think it shuts off automatically

  • once your brain is liquid.

  • Don't know, don't care.

  • Pull me out.