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  • - Good morning believe nation!

  • Today we're going to talk about

  • how to deal with jealousy.

  • As always guys as you're watching the clips

  • if you hear somebody say something

  • that really resonates with you,

  • please leave it in the comments below

  • and put quotes around it

  • so other people can be inspired as well.

  • Also when you write it down

  • it's much more likely to stick with yourself too.

  • Enjoy.

  • (upbeat instrumental music)

  • - [Narrator] It's that knot in your stomach

  • that mix of fear and anxiety

  • that materializes when you feel threatened

  • by someone prettier than you, smarter than you,

  • it can cause you to do

  • some pretty stupid, sit-com level stuff

  • just to regain control,

  • things that usually hurt other people too.

  • You're probably familiar with this feeling

  • it's what Shakespeare called the green-eyed monster

  • today, we're talking about jealousy.

  • Here's the thing kids,

  • jealousy is a distinctly first person emotion.

  • It almost always comes from a place of insecurity

  • which you ultimately project on others.

  • The bottom line, jealousy isn't about the other person

  • it's about you.

  • Jealousy tends to come with

  • a specific set of blinders

  • and the more jealous we are

  • the less able we are to, let's say,

  • empathize with others.

  • For example, a study conducted by the researchers

  • at the University of Delaware found that jealous people

  • were more easily distracted

  • and less able to perform simple memory games.

  • So let's try to figure out

  • how to get your jealousy issues under control.

  • - You know if you're coming from a place

  • that fear of inadequacy,

  • thinking someone's going to leave you,

  • it often comes from a place

  • of you're not giving yourself credit.

  • You know you do good things,

  • but you don't feel and integrate those into your identity

  • so that you become a stronger, happier, healthier adult.

  • A lot of people,

  • they're actually pretty extraordinary people,

  • but they don't feel extraordinary,

  • because all those extraordinary things that happen

  • they never integrate it.

  • Someone gives them a compliment,

  • they're like yeah yeah yeah whatever,

  • and they can't hear it,

  • it doesn't penetrate into their identity

  • where they start going, you know what, I'm alright,

  • I am good, I can be confident now,

  • I've achieved enough, I've come far enough,

  • I've survived enough.

  • It's about giving yourself credit

  • and remembering your strengths.

  • You've come through such difficult things

  • in your life that you're stronger than you know.

  • So why is that so important?

  • Because you know what, if they do leave ya,

  • you'll be fine, and that is the hardest thing

  • to believe when you have this fear of jealousy.

  • They're going to leave, and I might be wrecked.

  • You won't be wrecked, you've survived a lot in the past,

  • someone's probably already left you in your life

  • not to be a blamer or making fun of you

  • it's just true right?

  • Lots of people have walked out on me,

  • lots of people have left me,

  • I've had lots of breakups in my life,

  • that happens, and I'm still here.

  • I'm still surviving.

  • I'm still a pretty annoyingly happy dude, right?

  • You can be happy with or without anybody or anything.

  • You don't need more wealth, you don't need more people,

  • you don't a higher career, you don't need anything.

  • You can choose in this moment to feel grateful and blessed.

  • You can choose to focus your attention

  • on things that you appreciate,

  • to take in the good again,

  • and if you start taking in those good things

  • that you hear about yourself

  • if you start taking in those good wins

  • those small daily actions that you did,

  • when you hit that goal, when you got that project done,

  • when you did what you were supposed to do,

  • when you said something nice,

  • and start feeling stronger about yourself

  • you stop worrying about other people

  • and you can start to say, you know what,

  • with or without somebody, I'm fine.

  • 'Cause you know what that makes you?

  • Attractive.

  • - Turn envy into action.

  • So envy can be inspiring and instructive.

  • If you're envious of someone's results

  • just let that fuel you ahead.

  • The fact that they did it means that it can be done

  • and that you can do it too.

  • So just give them a high-five and a soul shake.

  • Second, realize that envy is often a clue

  • that there's something latent in you

  • that needs to be expressed.

  • So let that envy trigger you in a beautiful way

  • let it guide you to where you need

  • to take some more action in your own life.

  • So next time that you're feeling some envy

  • don't feel embarrassed, just remember this tweetable:

  • "Don't hide your envy, ride your envy

  • "from 'she has what I want' to

  • "'I'll have what she's having'."

  • - So what's the ultimate solution to dealing with jealousy?

  • The solution is to turn within.

  • This is not a problem that gets solved externally,

  • you're not going to win the jealousy game

  • by going out there

  • and actually defeating that person or that thing

  • or getting one up on them.

  • What you need to do is you need to actually state,

  • Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute,

  • this is an internal ego struggle that I'm dealing with

  • and I just got to turn inwards and look inside me

  • to see what's really going on with my self-image,

  • my self-esteem, my views on reality,

  • my beliefs about myself and other people.

  • That's where the results happen,

  • so don't get tricked by your ego

  • into thinking that this is an external problem,

  • it's not an external problem at all.

  • You have to also convince yourself

  • that jealousy is an ego game.

  • And that that's pretty much what's going on here.

  • It's not about the fact that you're actually threatened

  • in some serious way, it's an ego game,

  • and this is important to convince yourself

  • because until you convince yourself of this

  • then you're not going to have the awareness,

  • consciousness, and self honesty to look inside,

  • and do the work that's necessary on the inside

  • to eradicate this jealousy.

  • If you are able to convince yourself

  • that this is an ego game,

  • then you're going to start to think like this:

  • Oh, so it's me, there's like elements within me

  • that are causing this.

  • Let me start to take a look at my ego,

  • let me start to take a look inside

  • and get really honest, get very observant,

  • because there's some really fishy, surreptitious activity

  • going on inside my psyche, I got to examine that for myself,

  • get a deeper look at it.

  • Let's take a look at what's going on.

  • Let's take a look under the hood.

  • And that's the key

  • and once you can convince yourself

  • that looking under the hood is a good thing

  • and once you start to see that

  • Oh looking under the hood

  • is actually not as easy as I thought it was.

  • That's going to take some real work.

  • Then you've got the foundation set

  • for doing some deep inner work on your jealousy.

  • - If you put your mind into an environment

  • where you're constantly thinking negative thoughts

  • because it's your default pattern

  • then that's what it's going to respond to.

  • You start building the negative muscles

  • and they'll get stronger over time,

  • and you'll be able to lift more, heavier,

  • negative things with those muscles.

  • But it also works if you put it in the positive gym,

  • and that's what most people,

  • all you need to do to free yourself from negative thoughts

  • is to get in a better environment,

  • get your ass in the positive gym.

  • How do you do that?

  • Well in today's world it's easier

  • and you don't even need to pay

  • a fitness membership to be able to do it.

  • So expose yourself consistently

  • get that compass needle and re-magnetize it

  • in a different direction.

  • You do it over time, you don't walk into a gym

  • with an overweight body and you walk out fit.

  • No, you walk out sore and it's uncomfortable,

  • but over time that's what happens.

  • If you want to stay with an overweight body that's your deal

  • and I'm here to tell you

  • if you don't make time for health

  • you will have to make time for illness.

  • That's not a rule I made up

  • that's just the way it is.

  • If you don't make time for positivity in your life

  • your default magnetic north is going to swing

  • over to the negative.

  • I didn't make that up, that's just the way it is,

  • and unfortunately most people's default north

  • points negative.

  • So your environment, your peer group, the media,

  • all of the things that most people are associated to

  • are constantly programming them into a negative direction,

  • so that when they're sleeping awake

  • and doing things out of habit,

  • that's the gravitational there.

  • And then guess what, we feel trapped by negative thinking.

  • So how do you free yourself?

  • Make a conscious decision.

  • The will is what drives the thoughts

  • so have a make a decision, a firm resolute decision

  • that I'm going to get my mental ass in the positive gym.

  • Very easy to do, surround yourself with positive people.

  • If you can't do that, read positive books,

  • watch positive films, films that lift you up

  • that come from a place of possibility

  • that support how we can not why I can't.

  • If people are in your environment that are negative

  • start tuning them out.

  • That's not to say that you're better or worse

  • it's just to say that you want a different environment.

  • - [Narrator] The next time you're in a situation

  • where you're experiencing those extreme jealous thoughts,

  • go into a separate room, take out your WellCast journal

  • and calm down.

  • Step one, acknowledge.

  • Admit it, you're jealous

  • and you can't run from your feelings,

  • but by addressing your jealousy head-on

  • you can keep it from taking on

  • epic, unrealistic proportions.

  • Write down exactly what's making you jealous and why.

  • Let's say you just found out

  • that your two best friends

  • didn't invite you to that movie

  • that they caught last week,

  • let it out.

  • "My friends are hanging out without me,

  • "I'm scared they'll stop being my friend."

  • It's okay to be a little dramatic,

  • it's just your journal.

  • Step two, communicate.

  • Now that all of your embarrassing thoughts

  • are out on paper, go get the real story.

  • Don't have an imaginary argument