Today we're going to talk about

how to deal with jealousy.

As always guys as you're watching the clips

if you hear somebody say something

that really resonates with you,

please leave it in the comments below

and put quotes around it

so other people can be inspired as well.

Also when you write it down

it's much more likely to stick with yourself too.

Enjoy.

(upbeat instrumental music)

- [Narrator] It's that knot in your stomach

that mix of fear and anxiety

that materializes when you feel threatened

by someone prettier than you, smarter than you,

it can cause you to do

some pretty stupid, sit-com level stuff

just to regain control,

things that usually hurt other people too.

You're probably familiar with this feeling

it's what Shakespeare called the green-eyed monster

today, we're talking about jealousy.

Here's the thing kids,

jealousy is a distinctly first person emotion.

It almost always comes from a place of insecurity

which you ultimately project on others.

The bottom line, jealousy isn't about the other person

it's about you.

Jealousy tends to come with

a specific set of blinders

and the more jealous we are

the less able we are to, let's say,

empathize with others.

For example, a study conducted by the researchers

at the University of Delaware found that jealous people

were more easily distracted

and less able to perform simple memory games.

So let's try to figure out

how to get your jealousy issues under control.

- You know if you're coming from a place

that fear of inadequacy,

thinking someone's going to leave you,

it often comes from a place

of you're not giving yourself credit.

You know you do good things,

but you don't feel and integrate those into your identity

so that you become a stronger, happier, healthier adult.

A lot of people,

they're actually pretty extraordinary people,

but they don't feel extraordinary,

because all those extraordinary things that happen

they never integrate it.

Someone gives them a compliment,

they're like yeah yeah yeah whatever,

and they can't hear it,

it doesn't penetrate into their identity

where they start going, you know what, I'm alright,

I am good, I can be confident now,

I've achieved enough, I've come far enough,

I've survived enough.

It's about giving yourself credit

and remembering your strengths.

You've come through such difficult things

in your life that you're stronger than you know.

So why is that so important?

Because you know what, if they do leave ya,

you'll be fine, and that is the hardest thing

to believe when you have this fear of jealousy.

They're going to leave, and I might be wrecked.

You won't be wrecked, you've survived a lot in the past,

someone's probably already left you in your life

not to be a blamer or making fun of you

it's just true right?

Lots of people have walked out on me,

lots of people have left me,

I've had lots of breakups in my life,

that happens, and I'm still here.

I'm still surviving.

I'm still a pretty annoyingly happy dude, right?

You can be happy with or without anybody or anything.

You don't need more wealth, you don't need more people,

you don't a higher career, you don't need anything.

You can choose in this moment to feel grateful and blessed.

You can choose to focus your attention

on things that you appreciate,

to take in the good again,

and if you start taking in those good things

that you hear about yourself

if you start taking in those good wins

those small daily actions that you did,

when you hit that goal, when you got that project done,

when you did what you were supposed to do,

when you said something nice,

and start feeling stronger about yourself

you stop worrying about other people

and you can start to say, you know what,

with or without somebody, I'm fine.

'Cause you know what that makes you?

Attractive.

- Turn envy into action.

So envy can be inspiring and instructive.

If you're envious of someone's results

just let that fuel you ahead.

The fact that they did it means that it can be done

and that you can do it too.

So just give them a high-five and a soul shake.

Second, realize that envy is often a clue

that there's something latent in you

that needs to be expressed.

So let that envy trigger you in a beautiful way

let it guide you to where you need

to take some more action in your own life.

So next time that you're feeling some envy

don't feel embarrassed, just remember this tweetable:

"Don't hide your envy, ride your envy

"from 'she has what I want' to

"'I'll have what she's having'."

- So what's the ultimate solution to dealing with jealousy?

The solution is to turn within.

This is not a problem that gets solved externally,

you're not going to win the jealousy game

by going out there

and actually defeating that person or that thing

or getting one up on them.

What you need to do is you need to actually state,

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute,

this is an internal ego struggle that I'm dealing with

and I just got to turn inwards and look inside me

to see what's really going on with my self-image,

my self-esteem, my views on reality,

my beliefs about myself and other people.

That's where the results happen,

so don't get tricked by your ego

into thinking that this is an external problem,

it's not an external problem at all.

You have to also convince yourself

that jealousy is an ego game.

And that that's pretty much what's going on here.

It's not about the fact that you're actually threatened

in some serious way, it's an ego game,

and this is important to convince yourself

because until you convince yourself of this

then you're not going to have the awareness,

consciousness, and self honesty to look inside,

and do the work that's necessary on the inside

to eradicate this jealousy.

If you are able to convince yourself

that this is an ego game,

then you're going to start to think like this:

Oh, so it's me, there's like elements within me

that are causing this.

Let me start to take a look at my ego,

let me start to take a look inside

and get really honest, get very observant,

because there's some really fishy, surreptitious activity

going on inside my psyche, I got to examine that for myself,

get a deeper look at it.

Let's take a look at what's going on.

Let's take a look under the hood.

And that's the key

and once you can convince yourself

that looking under the hood is a good thing

and once you start to see that

Oh looking under the hood

is actually not as easy as I thought it was.

That's going to take some real work.

Then you've got the foundation set

for doing some deep inner work on your jealousy.

- If you put your mind into an environment

where you're constantly thinking negative thoughts

because it's your default pattern

then that's what it's going to respond to.

You start building the negative muscles

and they'll get stronger over time,

and you'll be able to lift more, heavier,

negative things with those muscles.

But it also works if you put it in the positive gym,

and that's what most people,

all you need to do to free yourself from negative thoughts

is to get in a better environment,

get your ass in the positive gym.

How do you do that?

Well in today's world it's easier

and you don't even need to pay

a fitness membership to be able to do it.

So expose yourself consistently

get that compass needle and re-magnetize it

in a different direction.

You do it over time, you don't walk into a gym

with an overweight body and you walk out fit.

No, you walk out sore and it's uncomfortable,

but over time that's what happens.

If you want to stay with an overweight body that's your deal

and I'm here to tell you

if you don't make time for health

you will have to make time for illness.

That's not a rule I made up

that's just the way it is.

If you don't make time for positivity in your life

your default magnetic north is going to swing

over to the negative.

I didn't make that up, that's just the way it is,

and unfortunately most people's default north

points negative.

So your environment, your peer group, the media,

all of the things that most people are associated to

are constantly programming them into a negative direction,

so that when they're sleeping awake

and doing things out of habit,

that's the gravitational there.

And then guess what, we feel trapped by negative thinking.

So how do you free yourself?

Make a conscious decision.

The will is what drives the thoughts

so have a make a decision, a firm resolute decision

that I'm going to get my mental ass in the positive gym.

Very easy to do, surround yourself with positive people.

If you can't do that, read positive books,

watch positive films, films that lift you up

that come from a place of possibility

that support how we can not why I can't.

If people are in your environment that are negative

start tuning them out.

That's not to say that you're better or worse

it's just to say that you want a different environment.

- [Narrator] The next time you're in a situation

where you're experiencing those extreme jealous thoughts,

go into a separate room, take out your WellCast journal

and calm down.

Step one, acknowledge.

Admit it, you're jealous

and you can't run from your feelings,

but by addressing your jealousy head-on

you can keep it from taking on

epic, unrealistic proportions.

Write down exactly what's making you jealous and why.

Let's say you just found out

that your two best friends

didn't invite you to that movie

that they caught last week,

let it out.

"My friends are hanging out without me,

"I'm scared they'll stop being my friend."

It's okay to be a little dramatic,

it's just your journal.

Step two, communicate.

Now that all of your embarrassing thoughts

are out on paper, go get the real story.

Don't have an imaginary argument