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  • I tell you what, it's spring.

  • I think it starts next week, right?

  • Yeah, love is in the air.

  • (applause) Yeah, think about it.

  • Love is literally in the air, because everyone uses their mobile devices to

  • find dates, so at any, moment there are millions of dirty messages and

  • sexy pictures flying through the air, right past our faces.

  • It's disgusting, it's what it is.

  • How many of you use dating apps?

  • (applause) All right, some proud,

  • some not going to raise your hand.

  • (laugh) Been a long time since

  • I've had to date.

  • But back then, a dating app was when you took someone out for

  • an appetizer because you couldn't afford the entire entrée.

  • But now there's all sorts of dating apps.

  • There's a popular one called Bumble.

  • And it is free.

  • You know Bumble.

  • Yeah. (applause)

  • It is free and

  • encourages women to make the first move, which I fully support.

  • Back when I was dating, it was pretty much always the woman making the first move.

  • (laugh) It's a great idea,

  • because they wanna empower women, and

  • make sure they feel comfortable, and they say the best quality people are on bumble.

  • And I've always said that I have the best quality people in my audience, and

  • it turns out.

  • (applause) Yes, yes.

  • (applause) Well, it turns out both are true.

  • Because a lot of you have bumble profiles, and I wanna ask you about them.

  • Sarah Isley is here.

  • Where's Sarah Isley?

  • Hi.

  • (applause How are you doing?

  • Hi, Ellen. (laugh)

  • Hi, Sarah.

  • How are you doing?

  • Are you on a date?

  • Are you with somebody?

  • (laugh) No, unfortunately.

  • This will be a great first date.

  • Yeah, it wouldn't be a great first date.

  • I think. Everybody

  • should keep that in mind out there.

  • (laugh) Let's look at your Bumble

  • profile, okay?

  • Good. All right.

  • (laugh) Now, how's that workout for you so far?

  • It's really not too well yet.

  • Well. Okay.

  • You know why?

  • I'll tell you.

  • I'm gonna giving you some advice, you kind of, are hiding your face on a (laugh).

  • There's one that's not on here but you were hiding your face with a dog,

  • you're hiding your face with a cat, and you're covering your face and

  • making your eye ball look gigantic.

  • Then obviously this is a horse,

  • you're on a horse there.

  • So maybe you just needed one good picture of yourself.

  • Okay, okay.

  • Yeah, I'll try it.

  • Yeah. At least you use your profile in a very

  • intriguing way because down at the bottom you have two truths and a lie.

  • And I'm going to try to guess right now what it is cuz I like things like this.

  • So, one, I have a tattoo of a horse.

  • Two, I've been swimming with sharks.

  • Three, I can say the alphabet backwards.

  • I think... well, I don't think you have a tattoo of a horse.

  • You do?

  • I do.

  • Then my second choice was going to be swimming with sharks.

  • No. I've done that too.

  • I'm very adventurous.

  • (laugh) My third choice was going to be.

  • Good effort.

  • It's a great conversation starter, right?

  • It is, it is.

  • I always wanted to talk to you, so it's working.

  • (laugh) It is. Yeah.

  • That's

  • Not really working working,

  • cuz I'm married. Right.

  • You're right, you're right.

  • But I see what you mean.

  • So, you cannot... just try it, you've never tried to do the alphabet backwards.

  • You said you were adventurous, try to do it backwards right now.

  • - Okay. Um.. Z, X.. Z, Y - All right. Nevermind.

  • We don't have that kind of time.

  • I've got people on the show that I have to talk to.

  • Okay.

  • Well, good luck to you and

  • you got some camera times so maybe people would go to your profile now and they.

  • Maybe we could do a profile pic later.

  • Yeah, no.

  • I will. I'll do that for sure.

  • Teerica Patterson, hi did I say that right?

  • Terick. Teerika it's Erika but

  • then you added a T in the front of it.

  • Fancy .

  • Yeah.

  • - It's fancy. Teerika - Yeah.

  • All right. Let's take a look at your profile, okay?

  • Here you are here.

  • Now, first of all.

  • Ooh, ooh. They like that.

  • That's good.

  • Why did you decide to join Bumble?

  • Well, my friend was telling me about all the hot,

  • white successful guys that are on the site.

  • She thinks I should start dating white guys.

  • She says give them a shot.

  • - And? - There are so

  • many successful hot white guys on that site. She was right.

  • Have you met any of the men that now? No?

  • - I couldn't do it... I couldn't do it, I pick a black guy when I got on there. - No?

  • Yeah okay.

  • Well, let me, did you take this with your webcam?

  • Is that how you took the picture?

  • - Yes, I did. - Okay, well,

  • I'm not sure you know how to put a picture up either, because there's this one, and

  • then here's one that's entirely too close.

  • I don't know,

  • I mean, this is like to examine your pores, or something like that.

  • And then you have one that's a full shot, but look what happened, there you're-

  • You're sideways.

  • That's kinda weird, don't you think?

  • I couldn't fix it.

  • I know, but you still put it up.

  • Well.

  • What do you do?

  • I am a relationship coach.

  • (laugh) (applause)

  • So you're helping other people and

  • you can't find somebody yourself.

  • They need me to help them to make their relationships better.

  • Right. Maybe you should split away them up so

  • you could be with the guy.

  • (laugh) Or girl.

  • Yeah, maybe figure out who a good guy is and then say that y'all aren't right

  • for each other, and then you. - No, I wouldn't do that.

  • No? All right. You're more ethical than I am.

  • All right.

  • Where is Chris Romo?

  • - Hi. - Hi.

  • Hi Kris, how are you?

  • I'm well. How are you?

  • I'm fantastic.

  • So here's your Bumble profile, let's take a look at this.

  • And you start out saying I'm easy.

  • And what is that?

  • My God, there's such a-

  • I mean, what do you mean by that?

  • I should have said it's easy, not I'm easy.

  • I guess. - Well

  • I guess.

  • Yeah, but then you posted this, so it kinda...

  • My God.

  • I mean have you gotten many responses to your profile?

  • Ah. A lot.

  • (laugh) I don't, I don't.

  • All right, Teerica and Sarah, pay attention to what you should be putting on

  • your (laugh)

  • I'm easy and wear a **** t-shirt.

  • (laugh) I thought you would like,

  • who **** it better?

  • That would have been better.

  • Yeah, all right.

  • Well, thank you for talking to me and hopefully all of you find love and

  • I would like to spread love right now with the dance.

I tell you what, it's spring.

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Ellen's Dating App Advice

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    郭璧如 posted on 2017/03/22
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