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  • VOICE From the blockbuster franchise that

  • nobody loves, but everybody likes enough that they won't change the

  • channel when it's on cable, comes the sequel that kinda sounds like a

  • high-speed handjob...

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Fast Five.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Wait, they've made five of these

  • already?

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Prepare for the biggest hit of this

  • street racing franchise...because it got rid of all the street-

  • racing.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Now it's a heist film on wheels,

  • orchestrated by Vin Diesel...a passable action hero...

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Who this time must match wits with

  • a far more charismatic action hero: The Rock...Who's jacked up on baby

  • oil

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Together they'll crank up the NOS

  • on all the things you've come to expect from a Fast & Furious movie,

  • like...

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Gear-shifting

  • .

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Mumble-growls..

  • You got my word Vince

  • Wughgh kinda counting on it I remember everything about my faaather

  • VOICE (CONT'D) And overt homoeroticism.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) To pull off one last job...Dom will need to gather everyone's favorite

  • heist movie stereotypes:

  • VOICE (CONT'D) The hunky mastermind

  • VOICE (CONT'D) The nerd

  • VOICE (CONT'D) The Bernie Mac

  • VOICE (CONT'D) The guy who can't speak English

  • VOICE (CONT'D) And the guy who's constantly

  • snacking.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Gear up to steal $100 million

  • dollars with the dumbest criminals ever, as they...

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Take off their masks during

  • robberies.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Go for leisurely strolls while all

  • of Rio's drug gangs are after them.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) And drag-race cop cars they just

  • stole down the middle of the street.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) These heroes will stop at nothing

  • to take down a sort-of ruthless drug lord, by...

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Destroying poor neighborhoods...

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Destroying rich neighborhoods...

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Killing 22 cops with a giant metal

  • safe...

  • VOICE (CONT'D) And ultimately leaving Rio in way

  • worse shape than they found it.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) So refuel and ride along while

  • these rebels break every law in the book...of physics...

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Gravity!

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Weight differential!

  • VOICE (CONT'D) And friction!


  • Buckle up for the fifth film in the

  • franchise, that's technically the

  • fourth, since the events of Fast

  • Three take place after Fast Six,

  • making the third fast the sixth

  • fast, possibly the seventh

  • depending on where Fast 7 ends up in the timeline--Hey look! Car boobs!

  • VOICE (CONT'D) UGH...we get it! You can nitpick movies!

  • But can you do this?

  • BOOBS!

  • CINEMA SINS VOICE Ah, fair enough.

  • CINEMA SINS VOICE Ah, fair enough.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Thanks to the people at Cinema Sins.

  • VOICE (CONT'D) Be sure to subscribe.

  • for more Honest Trailers

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  • "My cat's breath smells like cat food"

VOICE From the blockbuster franchise that

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Honest Trailers - Fast Five

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    VoiceTube posted on 2013/06/24
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