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  • (upbeat music)

  • - Hello everyone and welcome back to English With Lucy.

  • Today I've got a very special guest.

  • This is Caroline Goyder.

  • - Hello.

  • - And Caroline, well would you like to introduce yourself?

  • What do you do?

  • - I'm now a voice coach, but for many year--

  • Well if we go back to the late nineties I was a TEFL teacher

  • briefly so I know this world very well.

  • I remember standing in front of my group

  • of Argentinian students to teach them English

  • and being utterly terrified being in the spotlight.

  • And now I teach people how to be in the spotlight.

  • - Yeah so today, we wanted to talk to you about

  • how to be more confident in different situations.

  • So we've chosen five situations,

  • and we're going to tell you,

  • or Caroline's gonna tell you how you can feel

  • and sound and appear more confident.

  • And we're doing this to celebrate International Women's Day

  • and their Be Bold For Change campaign.

  • So where were you teaching English?

  • - I was teaching in Gojav in north-west Poland.

  • Which was fantastic but a very unlikely place to go

  • after your TEFL training.

  • I loved it.

  • - What made you choose?

  • - There was a poster on the wall in my TEFL school

  • and I just went, oh there's a job

  • and so I went to Poland.

  • It was great, I love Poland.

  • It's fantastic.

  • - I've never been to Poland.

  • I have quite a few Polish subscribers so I'm sure

  • they would love to hear you speak some Polish.

  • (speaking foreign language)

  • - That's one word.

  • There's one word I know that's (speaking foreign language).

  • - Yup that's good that's like your prost,

  • that's your drinking word.

  • - Piwo is a good word for beer.

  • - Okay.

  • - I'm not giving any aspersions to my time in Poland.

  • (laughs)

  • - I bet you had a great time.

  • And so what made you go into voice coaching then?

  • - Well I trained as an actor, I went to drama school

  • and to be honest I wasn't a great actor.

  • - Mhm.

  • - And I wanted to work in theatre but I didn't want to act

  • so I ended up training as a voice coach

  • and by kinda mistake, I found a job I really really love

  • and once I'd trained as a voice coach,

  • I was like this is actually what I wanna do

  • for the rest of my life, it's a great job.

  • But I fell into it really by mistake.

  • - And how long have you been doing it now?

  • - Nearly twenty years.

  • - Wow so that's quite, that's some experience there.

  • - Makes me feel very old. (laughs)

  • - And I saw that you did a TED talk about confidence.

  • That's actually how I found you.

  • And how did you get into doing a TED talk?

  • - Well again I mean, so often these things happen

  • by accident.

  • I was coaching for TEDx in Brixton

  • and the very brilliant curator there Stephanie said,

  • have you got a talk in you?

  • And I said, yeah I think so.

  • So I pitched talks which is how you get into TEDx.

  • They took it on, I did it in 2014

  • and it's had nearly three million views which is insane.

  • - Wow, congratulations. - Thank you.

  • - That is a lot of views.

  • - Thank you YouTube.

  • - Yes thank you.

  • So today we're going to talk about confidence

  • in certain situations.

  • So we've chosen five situations for you.

  • We're going to talk about being confident at parties,

  • on dates, in presentations, in job interviews

  • and on the telephone.

  • So I'm really excited about this video

  • because so many of you have asked me to talk about

  • presentations, public speaking, dating

  • and now I've got someone extremely qualified

  • next to me, ready to share everything that you've learned

  • throughout your career.

  • So let's talk about parties first.

  • What insight do you have to share about feeling confident

  • whilst meeting new people at parties?

  • - Well so I learned a lot about this a few years back

  • when I was interviewing A-list actors.

  • Because I wrote a book which was talking to A-list actors

  • about confidence and I would go to people like Helen Mirren

  • and say, so tell me about confidence,

  • thinking that they knew things, that they were confident.

  • They weren't.

  • None of them were.

  • - Really?

  • - And one of the people who said she wasn't confident

  • was Helen Mirren.

  • Big surprise to me there.

  • - Yeah like the most beautiful woman ever, okay.

  • - So serene right?

  • - Yeah.

  • - And she said, when I have to go to a party after a show,

  • you know actors go to the bar after a show,

  • they have parties before launches,

  • all that kinda thing.

  • She said I get really really nervous.

  • And see how great tip which is the first thing

  • you have to do is think about your body,

  • you know, really relax your shoulders,

  • relax your breathing, centre your voice,

  • cause she says, I hate the way

  • and this is a good one for Women's Day,

  • you know, I hate the way that when we get nervous

  • as women, we kind of start screaming and shrieking

  • and our voices go high.

  • She says, keep your voice nice and low and relaxed.

  • - Okay.

  • - So I think that's a really good one.

  • Stay relaxed, relax your shoulders, centre your voice.

  • And then there are other tips,

  • there's a really good George Clooney one,

  • which also isn't--

  • - Did you meet him?

  • - No, I wish I had.

  • - Oh what a shame.

  • - He and Johnny Depp were the ones that got away.

  • (laughs)

  • His thing when he meets people is that he imagines everybody

  • he meets is an old friend.

  • - In the way he acts and speaks with them?

  • - Yup.

  • - Interesting.

  • - And you can just picture his face, can't you?

  • You know there's the muscles around our eyes

  • that crinkle up when we're with a friend.

  • - Yeah.

  • - It's called a Duchenne smile.

  • And it just relaxes us.

  • - Duchenne smile, okay.

  • - And try it, it really works.

  • - So you kind of close your eyes or what do you do?

  • - You just imagine that you've bumped into an old friend

  • and that you're talking to them and you let

  • your brain chemistry do the rest.

  • So just think about smiling, talking to an old friend

  • and how you smile at them, that's it

  • and then your face relaxes, your voice relaxes,

  • you know it's brain chemistry.

  • - Amazing.

  • I've never heard a tip like that before so really good.

  • - So that's number two and the third one I would say

  • is as you walk through the door of a party

  • just think, I've only got to be there for five minutes.

  • And this was taught me by someone who is a real introvert

  • and she said, it was another actor and she said,

  • I used to really dread parties but it's like going

  • to the gym and I'm not a great one for going to the gym

  • and if I say to myself, I'm only gonna go for five minutes,

  • when I get there I'm much more likely to stay

  • cos it's quite fun.

  • If you say to yourself, I'm only gonna go five minutes

  • and then you get there and you've had a drink

  • and you're enjoying itself, you're gonna stay

  • for a bit longer.

  • So just say even if you're dreading it,

  • I'm just gonna stay for five minutes

  • and find someone, talk to them as if they're an old friend

  • and keep your shoulders relaxed.

  • And you'll be fine.

  • - Your voice nice and low.

  • - Your voice nice and low, don't scream.

  • - Yeah that's true, I think when I'm on camera

  • I probably speak with a much lower voice.

  • And when I'm meeting new people for the first time

  • I would definitely say it goes up a couple of tones.

  • So ah, I'll be aware of that.

  • Okay so another big question I get is about dating

  • and this came up recently because I made a video

  • about how to say dates in English

  • and a lot of people were excited,

  • thinking I was gonna teach them about dating

  • but actually I was speaking about numerical dates.

  • So how can you be more confident whilst meeting someone

  • maybe for the first time or even the second time on a date?

  • - So I asked a friend of mine who is brilliant at dating.

  • And I said, what is it that you do and she said,

  • well actually it's something you taught me.

  • I was surprised by that and she said,

  • you taught me years ago and this is another acting tip,

  • that when you meet someone and you're on a date,

  • what you have to do you is think

  • and this is a real actor's tip,

  • you have to think I'm beautiful, someone loves me,

  • I have a secret.

  • - So these are three things?

  • - Three things you have to think to yourself.

  • I'm beautiful because it kind of gives us a little spark,

  • you know there are days when you're not feeling like that

  • and it just gives you a kind of sparkle.

  • Someone loves me which gives you,

  • it's brain chemistry again and it gives you a kind of warmth

  • and a presence.

  • And I have a secret gives you a bit of a twinkle.

  • - Do you actually have to have a secret?

  • - It helps.

  • - Okay, I'll try and think of one.

  • - It doesn't have to be Wiki leaks level.

  • Just you know something, actors also talk about

  • a naughty thought.

  • - A naughty thought?

  • I have couple of those.

  • - That's definitely working.

  • So a twinkle in the eyes and she said,

  • it just gives me a presence.

  • When I'm dating or she's going to parties as well

  • that makes her shine and that makes people,

  • it seems like you're a fun person to talk to.

  • Whereas so often in our head,

  • we've got an inner voice saying mean stuff.

  • - Definitely, definitely.

  • - We all do, we all have it.

  • - Before I go out for a date, I don't date much,

  • but when I do, I always look at myself in the mirror

  • beforehand and I think, well that's not right

  • and maybe he won't find me funny.

  • But I guess if I think about all the good things first.

  • - Exactly.

  • - And recognise those.

  • - And this relates to another acting tip

  • that someone taught me which is that

  • if you're worrying about how it might go wrong,

  • don't do that.

  • Worry about what it'll be like when it goes right.

  • So if you visualise yourself on the date having fun,

  • laughing, looking really relaxed, getting on with each other

  • you're gonna walk into the room much more relaxed.

  • And that sets a really good cycle up.

  • - So it's keeping yourself positive

  • and only thinking about all the positive parts.

  • Okay.

  • - It's the inner game.

  • The inner game of dating.

  • Says the married woman. (laughs)

  • - Okay what makes a good dater though?

  • I'm concerned for your friend, does she go on a lot

  • or does she just do the few very well?