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  • Most machines of any degree of complexity, that we opt to live around.

  • Are offered to us with an instruction manual.

  • A guide to how the unfamiliar machine works.

  • What we can except from it!

  • How to get the best out of it!

  • And how to interpret its signals.

  • The assumption being,

  • that it would be so much easier and less enraging

  • to deal with this machine,

  • when we have taken some time systematically and patiently

  • to learn, how it operates.

  • And yet one area, when we tend not to have manuals to read

  • is when it comes to other people and their functioning.

  • This causes us immense troubles.

  • We going to relationship without any real sense

  • of where the others peculiarities will lie

  • and vice versa.

  • We are wittingly proceed

  • as if operating another person might be an intuitive skill

  • will just pick up along the way.

  • It can take a painful decade or more

  • to work out the very basics.

  • Mostly, human machines work in extremely odd ways.

  • And yet tend not to explain, the origins of their madness.

  • For example: They don't calmly lay out

  • that certain incidents in childhood

  • have given them a disposition to shout at airport,

  • to be suspicious of authority

  • or to be shifty in owning up to debts.

  • We must work backwards, from outward behavior,

  • to possible causes,

  • without any help, from the machines themselves.

  • Sometimes, the signals are just completely confusing.

  • "Fuck off, I really don't want to see you."

  • Turns out to mean:

  • I am so worried you don't want me

  • and I am getting in early with my revenge.

  • Please tidy away your clothes

  • and put away the dishes.

  • Might mean:

  • I am trying to control you procedurally

  • because I fell so out of touch with you emotionally.

  • We would save so much time

  • if we knew how to give one another manuals, early on.

  • If we could explain:

  • when I am hurt I go cold

  • or I am especially prone to be subservient,

  • but then, resentful

  • or I get brutal when I am at most vulnerable.

  • or I feel a need to talk about other possible lovers,

  • because I feel so unattractive to you deep down.

  • Instead, the weaknesses of machines

  • are usually discovered in a heat of conflicts.

  • In context where they would have wounded the other person.

  • And therefore

  • will be denied to the good will that might have ensured that could be forgiven.

  • Many of the difficult patterns of behavior of human machines

  • have very sympathetic points of origin.

  • But, once they have caused the partner humiliation

  • they are unlikely ever to be looked upon charitably.

  • We don't need people to be perfect,

  • We only need them to be able to see their faults,

  • to teach us about them, when we are unthreatened

  • and to apologize for the difficulties they causes in good time.

  • In other words, the greatest, most loving and luxurious gift

  • any partner could ever give another

  • is an instruction manual.

  • To their own rather tortured, odd

  • but ultimately, always really rather lovable soul.

Most machines of any degree of complexity, that we opt to live around.

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B1 INT UK instruction manual odd partner behavior tend

An Instruction Manual To Oneself

  • 803 69
    Zoey posted on 2017/02/21
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