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  • How to Win friends and Influence people by Dale Carnegie

  • In this video were gonna talk about how to get people to like you and were gonna

  • talk about the 4 most important strategies to get people to like us and how they are

  • paradoxical to the way they normally think of how to get people to like us. So now let

  • me tell you my story. I got my first job out of grad school in engineering. I thought I

  • wanted to impress everyone. I wanted to rise up the ladder. I wanted to be the smartest

  • person in the room. I wanted to be liked by everyone. And what did I do? I would talk

  • all the time. In meeting I would try to prove how smart I was. I still remember a meeting

  • I was at my director and VPs and other engineers and my director said something which I thought

  • was wrong and I pointed it out and I said, “No that is wrong”. Even though it was

  • true that what he said was wrong and I thought in the moment that I had proved how smart

  • I was, I had not really proved how smart I was but instead proved that I had no skills

  • how to handle people. And I would talk on and on and on in like during lunch breaks

  • or during off hours or even during times that we had together about my interest or the things

  • I do in life about how amazing my life was, my passions, my interests, my hobbies, this

  • and that, my, my, my. That’s all I was doing. I was only interested in what I was doing

  • because I wanted to show to them that I was smart, I was intelligent, I was amazing. I

  • was trying so hard to prove that I was worthy, that I was smart, that I was intelligent,

  • that I belong there, that they should promote me, that they should like me. And what happened

  • a year and a half later? I got laid off. And I thought, well these guys have no idea what

  • they missed out on so they have no idea how smart I was, how intelligent I am. And so

  • disappointing. Until a friend of mine handed me the book How to win Friends and Influence

  • People. And this book revolutionized my life. Literally revolutionized my life because I

  • did not realize that everything I was doing up to that point in terms of human relationships,

  • in terms of winning friends. Everything was wrong. Everything was the exact opposite of

  • what I should have been doing because the paradoxical truth of how to win friends, how

  • to get people to like you, Is that we had to like people in order to have them like

  • us. That is the paradox. We think that we have to make them like us. But no, it’s

  • much much much more effective for us to like them. Because when we like them, they like

  • us. And the truth is can you really like someone by talking all the time or being interested

  • in yourself or proving how good you are or proving how important you are. Can you really

  • like someone like that? No. and if you cannot like someone as the paradox says if you don’t

  • like them they will not like you. So, in order to get someone to like you, you have to like

  • them. And how do you do that? There are four key strategies.

  • The first one is to become genuinely interested in other people as Dale Carnegie says. You

  • will make more friends in two months by being interested in other people, than in two years

  • by trying to make people interested in you. Because the fundamental truth is people are

  • interested in themselves. If only I had the understanding that I need to talk to my colleagues

  • about their interests. If I could only become interested in their lives, in their pains,

  • in their frustrations, in their challenges, I could have become more friendly to them

  • and I could have had more friends. The second important key, be a good listener

  • and encourage others to talk about themselves. There’s a reason why we have two ears and

  • one mouth. And here’s another paradox, if you aspire to be a good conversationalist,

  • you have to be a great listener. You have to give them the gift of your full attention.

  • You have to encourage them to talk about their accomplishments, about their well-being, about

  • things that they enjoy. You have to listen. Because people are so much more, a hundred

  • times more interested in themselves and what theyre talking about than what you have

  • to talk about. So people will think of you as a great conversationalist if you are a

  • great listener. And the funny thing, the paradoxical thing is, when you think of a conversationalist,

  • you think of someone who can converse, who can talk. But it’s the opposite. The paradox

  • which is true which is someone who can listen, someone who can ask questions and just let

  • the other person talk. The third truth about getting people to like

  • you is to talk in terms of their interest, not yours. The exact opposite. Don’t talk

  • in terms of your interest. Talk in terms of the other person’s interest. That’s the

  • road. The royal road to a person’s heart which is to talk about the things that interest

  • him or her the most. Talk about their kids, their family, their health, their relationships

  • whatever it is. There are quite a few things, there are quite a few reasons why you should

  • talk about them because first of all, it gets them to like you. But also you get to learn

  • something new. You get to see the world from their eyes. You get to see and learn what

  • they have learned. And the fourth truth of getting people to

  • like you is to make the other person feel important and to do it sincerely. That is

  • probably the one truth that I completely missed on when I was constantly in my job when I

  • was trying to prove how good I was, how important I was, how smart I was, how capable I was.

  • I was doing the exact wrong thing because as William James said, the deepest principle

  • in human nature is the craving to be appreciated, the craving to feel like were good, that

  • we are worthy. When you take that away from people, you cannot get them to like you. So

  • people want to be appreciated, people want to feel like theyre important in your life.

  • When you can show it to them that they are important to you, that’s when you become

  • important to them. And very paradoxical idea. Only when you feel like they are important

  • to you, will they now start to feel that you are important to them. And really interesting

  • example from the life of Benjamin Disraeli, the legendary UK prime minister. One time

  • when he was running for elections, this lady went for dinner with the guy who was competing

  • against him who stood against him in the elections. And she said, when I got done with the dinner

  • I felt like I was in the company of one of the smartest men in the world. That gentleman

  • was so smart. Definitely he deserves to run for prime minister of the UK. However, a few

  • days later she went on a dinner with Benjamin Disraeli and here’s what she said about

  • Benjamin Disraeli, she said, when I went for dinner with Benjamin Disraeli, I felt like

  • I was the smartest person in the world and that is why I will vote for Benjamin Disraeli.

  • Now this is the key, Benjamin Disraeli made her feel important. He talked to her about

  • herself. He let her talk about her interest, her passions, and he let her proved to him

  • she was important. And that’s when she knew she was important to him, he was important

  • to her. So there you have it. How to win friends and

  • influence people. 4 really key skills to get people to like you. 4 paradoxical skills to

  • get people to like you. Always remember, if you can remember one thing from this whole

  • thing, in order to get people to like you, you must like them. That is the way forward.

How to Win friends and Influence people by Dale Carnegie

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How to Win friends and influence people Audiobook summary Dale Carnegie

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